To not want in laws staying before and after I give birth?

[beholdthecreation]

I'm due to give birth early October. I've had hyperemesis with this pregnancy, been hospitalised and very unwell.
In laws are wanting to come over from Cyprus in august and stay with us. I haven't had any vaccines, and they'll be sleeping on our living room floor on an air bed - what was spare room is now nursery. I'm just dreading it with how I'm feeling and the fact I'll have to play hostess when I'm 4-5 weeks off giving birth.
They also plan on coming over as soon as baby is born, and again at Christmas!
AIBU to be dreading this? Or suggesting they go to BIL and DH visits them there instead for at least one of the stays??

[BurningRed]

@beholdthecreation I’m going to disagree with everyone else here…


You DO NOT leave the house. Why should you leave? Make your DH go elsewhere to see them and make them stay in a hotel/at BIL. Why are you the one moving/inconvenience?

Please be strong here. Fight back. Ultimately you need to stay put. Do not go to your mums.

[Chloemol]

Refuse and keep refusing

If they turn up, leave, and I wouldn’t be going back, ever

He is not thinking about you

[Thatnameistaken]

Move to your parents, stay there to have the baby then reassess the future once your settled into motherhood. Your DP and family are total arseholes.

[PurBal]

Hell no. I had guests at 36 weeks (last week) for 3 nights and it was horrendous. I am too exhausted. DH and I usually have a no weeknight rule anyway (this was a one off) but have decided as a result that we're not having anyone anywhere near us once baby is born.

[MoonGeek]

Please put yourself and your baby first. Do not let them trample all over you.

Btw the fact that he doesn't stand up for you should be ringing alarm bells. You should really consider if this is a man you want to marry.

[MiloAndEddie]

Could you speak to your BIL? Is he married? If he’s not as much of a wimp with his parents could he suggest they stay at his?

[LookItsMeAgain]

Nope. Not happening. ESPECIALLY as they haven't been vaccinated.
Find an AirBnB nearby and tell them that they will have to stay there for the duration.
I would have to have it out with DH if he insisted that his unvaccinated relatives were to stay on my living room floor when I was either due to or post having a baby. I wanted to walk around the house in my pj's, not caring if I was leaking with my hair in a mess and so tired.

Alternatively, when baby wakes up in the middle of the night, I'd go down stairs into the living room and so what if I woke people up. I'd put the telly on for company and to hell with the lot of them! They would move out soon enough, you would hope if you adopted this method (though something is telling me that they still wouldn't leave).

Is this your first child with this eejit???

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

Fuck that!
Go to your mums and take your pillow with you.

[ClaireB29]

No way. You need to cancel this now.

[katy1213]

You need to make it crystal clear that if this happens, you'll be walking out of the door and not coming back.

[notalwaysalondoner]

YANBU - I thought you were going to say they were coming over to help out before/after the birth, which in a lot of cultures is completely normal and they might find it hard to understand that you might not want help, but to stay for 4-5 weeks when you're heavily pregnant is a lot! I'd say they can pick one (preferably Christmas) and that you're too ill for them to come now and you don't want to have people around after the birth. What does your DH say? He needs to have your back on this.

[tenlittlecygnets]

@Wearywithteens

The in laws are irrelevant - this is 100% a DH problem. Sort that out. If you’re only at the start of family life together and you can’t have your own boundaries now, what future is there for your relationship? And what role models are you setting for your child?

This. Why are you with him?? You sound totally fed up of him.

[youngandbroken]

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN-CHILD! seriously he will only get worse when the babies born and the in-laws will be making demands for holidays with the baby and if your opinions don't matter now, that's not going to change later. Your partner has no respect for you and nor do his family, leave and take it as a lucky escape.

[Bettyboopawoop]

Tell the to go stay in a b&b.

[Lightswitchesoffatnight]

@beholdthecreation

I'm due to give birth early October. I've had hyperemesis with this pregnancy, been hospitalised and very unwell.
In laws are wanting to come over from Cyprus in august and stay with us. I haven't had any vaccines, and they'll be sleeping on our living room floor on an air bed - what was spare room is now nursery. I'm just dreading it with how I'm feeling and the fact I'll have to play hostess when I'm 4-5 weeks off giving birth.
They also plan on coming over as soon as baby is born, and again at Christmas!
AIBU to be dreading this? Or suggesting they go to BIL and DH visits them there instead for at least one of the stays??

In your shoes I would cancel the whole lot, for now. You've not been well, having a baby isn't a walk in the park, and you need to look after yourself.

[Lightswitchesoffatnight]

@beholdthecreation

I can say no but he won't and they won't listen to me - all I can do is go to my mums but then I know they'll be sleeping in our bed

I've just seen this. I'm sorry you're in this awful relationship, where you are invisible. It can't go on like this @beholdthecreation, you either put your foot down and absolutely mean it, or you kick him out.

[KindnessCrusader]

Oh goodness no, that's a terrible idea!

[ZenNudist]

You really need to put your foot down on this. They need to stay with BIL. Do not give up your bed. Keep saying no. I don't understand your dh ignoring you on this. Don't you have any backbone to stand up to him? What do you do on other things you disagree on?

[WildfirePonie]

Cancel everything, including the wedding!

[Bellringer]

Surely baby won't be in nursery yet. However I agree with others, go to your mum and be with people who care for you

[socalledfriend]

You have a DH problem.

Either he starts standing up them or I would be off.

[YorkshireLass2012]

This sounds to me like there are no boundaries and not helped by the fact your DP chooses to side with his family over you. If you go ahead and marry, you will have this time and again for the rest of your life… apologies for being blunt but are you sure OP you want to marry your DP and by extension his family??? In you shoes I would be reconsidering very very hard right now. If it upsets you now, what will it be like 10, 20, 30 years from now? And what will happen when your wishes about your child are also disregarded? I would bet a great deal they will. From your posts, your DP lacks respect for you. He would rather you be upset and uncomfortable than his family. Giant red flag for me.

[LookItsMeAgain]

@beholdthecreation - just checking back to see how you're doing (baby must be due in the next wee while) and if the inlaws got vaccinated or if they are staying elsewhere before the birth.

Hope you're doing well.

[EatYourVegetables]

This sounds awful and will get much worse once you have kids.

[MadamMalkin]

I wouldn't be happy with this, birth and recovering with a newborn is bad enough as it is, without being expected to play hostess, worrying about the place being tidy 24/7 etc.