Reduce hours or stagger on WFH

[Spidermanssecretary]

I've been working from home one day per week since March last year. The other five days I'm in the office 9-5. My boss knows that I have ds4 home that day, which was a necessity due to elderly relatives no longer being able to look after him. He starts school in September so it's a short term measure. I know I work hard, and always offer to come in on this day if I'm needed or we're short staffed. All my colleagues either work one day from home or more, but our work don't really like it. I think this is because we have colleagues who's job can't be done from home who moan loudly about this perk.
I think I'm doing ok. My recent appraisal was very positive and no one mentioned anything about the day working from home. I feel incredibly torn about whether to carry on as I am or cut my hours and just have this day off until September.
I really struggle to be a parent and at work simultaneously. I really struggle with guilt in general! Today I missed a call when I was playing a board game with ds. I then had a few frantic emails such as 'are you there?' The issue wasn't that urgent but I felt terrible all day. Logical me knows that I could have easily missed a call when making a drink or in a meeting at work but I couldn't help but feel anxious.
The problem is I cannot afford to cut my hours. I can't afford anymore childcare and I don't really want to put my ds in nursery 8-6 for another day if I can make this work. I would rather reduce my hours rather than have to do that.
It's such a short space of time until September and after that I will at least be able to work four long days and reduce my hours on the WFH day as I won't be paying as much in childcare bills. But can I struggle on feeling this guilt for being an absent employee and neglectful mum until then?

So was the call on your lunch break or were you playing a game when you were on work time? Do they allow you to flex over childcare so work out of core hours?

@Gizlotsmum yes and no. I have to answer the phone but generally get under five calls a day. I was playing a board game with ds but then generally work on until 6.30/7 when their dad gets home to make up for time. My workload is manageable and I always get things done on time.

I have to say I was so reassured to read your post because I am in a really similar situation. My mother was looking after my DS3.5 five days a week while I worked from home this year, but now is only willing to do three days a week, so I am looking after him while I WFH on Thursdays and Fridays through August when he starts school (we are in the US now so our school terms start sooner--thank goodness, in this case).

I understand what you say about feeling guilty. I feel guilty too. But at the end of the day, we are NOT absent employees and we are wonderful parents. We are doing what we think is best for our children. And it's not forever--it's only a few months for both of us. My stance is: I'm not going to let this be a problem until it's a problem. Until my coworkers and supervisors start complaining that I'm unreachable, or not doing my work, or I mess up in a massive way that is directly related to wearing the parent-and-employee hat at the same time, I'm going to forge ahead as if everything is fine. If I have to work at nights or on weekends to accomplish tasks that I'm not able to do during the work week, I will.

I just keep telling myself: This is time-limited. In two years we will probably have forgotten this ever happened. And we are just good mothers doing our very best in very unusual times. You have all my support and solidarity!

@HyacinthsHydrangeas your post nearly made me well up to know that someone else gets it! I know others don't feel this way. Some people don't reply to emails for days! Some people get told to self isolate and don't even attempt to wfh, just disappear off the face of the earth for fourteen days! And I'm shitting it about missing a call from someone who could have easily got the information from the huge secure database of information which is accessible to all!
My plan is to see how it goes over summer where there will be so many people on leave and dd6 will be home so she will help to entertain ds!
Best of luck to you too

What would you have done if Covid hadn't hit, i.e. back when you worked in the office for five days?

In my organisation, combining WFH with childcare was acceptable when the schools and nurseries were closed; but that's no longer the situation. So what would your plans have been if elderly relatives - for any reason - could no longer look after your son?

I wouldn't have taken the job. I only started in May last year, previously I worked four days. I took the job on the proviso that I could wfh and look after my ds one day a week. My boss was happy with that and it's in my contract that the role is spread between home and workplace.

If your employer is aware that you have your young DS at home, why not be totally honest and say that you work flexibly during the day so that you spend some time with DS but you work an extra couple of hours in the evening to make up for time missed. My work would be totally happy with this arrangement. What they wouldn't be happy with was someone how paid lip service to the work and spent the majority of the day with their DC.

What is your plan for when he starts school? I'd say he's a bit young to rely on him amusing himself while you work, so you should have proper childcare in place. Or formalise an arrangement where you have a couple of hours break after school and work a couple of hours in the evening once DH is home. I think in general trying to mix work/parent roles is hard and this will ensure both are kept separate.

When he starts school I will pick him up one day, dp will pick him up one day and he will be in after school club three days (like his sister.)
I think I should add that I regularly work until 6 on Fridays to ensure the phones are covered so I have an hour time owing per week which I take on the WFH day. I also haven't taken a lunch break in five years due to workload so I feel I'm owed one more chilled day per week. And I'm on £10 ph.

Can you take annual leave one day a week between now and September to cover those days?

I guess if they know that then they should have been ok with it. But I can see how not answering a call/ calling back could lead to them thinking something was up. Lots of places are less tolerant of kids being home when working now things are opening up. Only you can make the decision over whether you reduce your hours. Could you check with your manager if it is an issue?

I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying you're employed 5 days a week but are only working 4 because you're looking after your kid the 5th day?

I would be very surprised that an employer would agree to that.

Could you not compress your hours so you work full time but over 4 days? Then have the 5th day off properly? Or work before and after your DC is in bed and do the hours that way perhaps?

We all had to balance work and childcare during the pandemic. It wasnt ideal - as you say, noone was a perfect employee or a perfect parent when juggling both! But I would expect that employers wont have that level of patience or understanding for much longer as we return to normal. And to be honest, it isn't great for the DC involved either.

I would recommend looking at other solutions personally.

Could you get a babysitter in for a few hours on a Friday on an ad hoc basis? Cheaper than another nursery day.

@TreeDice I am working, I usually get on early 7am, then take an hour out at 10 to play with DS, then work until 12, then have another quick play and give him lunch, then work again until 3. I probably wouldn't look for things to do on that day but if there was something non essential which I would like to get done that week I log on in the evenings or weekends to catch up and make up for the one day. I am unable to formalise this as I have to be contactable between 9-5 on this day, which I generally am, I don't go out or anything.

It's less than 5 weeks until the start of the summer holidays, and then 6 weeks of holidays. Can you do another 11 days of wfh without childcare?
Could you take a week's parental leave to cover something later in the year you will need off (October half term?) and then use leave to rake half or a full days leave for those 11 weeks? Can DH take some leave to do childcare for you - even 2 or 3 days would make a massive difference.

I'm not surprised you're worn out with it, but ut sounds like you could really do with the FT wage, and if you can just find a way to September things will ease up a lot.

I think this has to be a chat with your employer in that case to work out what's acceptable to them.

That wouldn't fly in my workplace - we've had a few people have to drop hours/find alternative childcare post lockdown in very similar situations. The business cant support a reduced productivity and longer. And to be fair, it's not great for the kids either to be left alone for chunks of the day depending on ages.

That may not be the case in your workplace but I think that's the key point, you need to work it through with your manager or HR formally.

Good luck!

Five phone calls a day and you missed one? You are contactable during core hours. I'm sorry you feel anxious for missing one, though it does show you care about your job and act professionally, which is more than many people do.

I think a conversation with your manager is appropriate but you are only asking to do the same as others.

The colleagues who moan about you and others who work from home are low level bullies harassing you and those in a similar position, and perhaps part of your conversation with the manager should be about tackling that unacceptable behaviour.

Thanks everyone, you've been really kind so far. I was expecting a bloodbath

I get the guilt, every mum does and you would have it if you were there with him or him in nursery.

Sounds like you're doing your best and your employer are aware of your situation. Them accepting the setup is great, wouldn't happen at my place, by accepting they have to realise your child is the priority on that day.

Don't apologise/ feel bad for missing one call. In my experience apologising lets colleagues/ managers think it's a choice you have to when you need to parent and leads them to believe they can pick you up on it.

If your employer is happy then there’s no issue.

I miss calls at my desk in the office - it’s life.

I took the job on the proviso that I could wfh and look after my ds one day a week. My boss was happy with that and it's in my contract that the role is spread between home and workplace.

What a great boss Don't feel guilty then about missing a call. You could just as easily have been in the toilet, or answering the door to a courier, like other WFH people.

Can you arrange childcare like most people do?

If your work are happy with the situation, it’s definitely temporary and your work is getting done then I would continue. Only because there is an end point in sight though, I don’t think it’s sustainable longer term.

@Babyroobs tried that recently have you? I've been on the waiting list for an extra day at nursery for six months. HTH

Meh sounds like you’re doing what most people are doing at home… hence why work are keen to get people back in.

I’d have breezed “sorry was getting a coffee” and not given it a second thought.

[quote Spidermanssecretary]@Babyroobs tried that recently have you? I've been on the waiting list for an extra day at nursery for six months. HTH[/quote]
So much sympathy for you on this. When my mother (bless her) told me she would no longer be able to look after my DS five days a week, she said, "Can't you just find a university girl who's on summer break to look after him the other two days?" I was like... "Yes, sure, I might be able to find someone like that, IF I HAD STARTED LOOKING BACK IN FEBRUARY." (Obviously I didn't say this to her but I thought it very loudly.) The people/locations with emergency availability during school breaks are NOT the people I would want looking after my kids--if such people even exist! Reliable, good-quality childcare at a moment's notice is not a thing!