Return to work...

DocsOddSocks · 2021-06-15T14:38:12+00:00

I'm returning to work soon after mat leave finishes. My daughter will be 6 months and doing 3 days at nursery, 2 days with family whilst I go back to work 5 full days. There is no way I can reduce my hours but I'm dreading going back to work and hate the thought of leaving my daughter. If anybody has any positive stories of returning to work full time after having a baby, I'd love to hear them as I feel so guilty!

Barleysugar86 · 15/06/2021 15:43

I returned when my little boy was around 9 months. Honestly I kind of liked it! I got to have hot drinks whenever I wanted (and drink them hot), I started reading books again because I had my train commute, at lunch I could eat food without rushing and properly 'switch off'. It felt good to get dressed up and have adult conversations too. I think Mat leave can knock your confidence with returning to more professional things but I found I was back in the swing of things within a few days. Best of luck with your return!

Narwhalsh · 15/06/2021 15:48

I’m the higher earner so I returned to work full time when my babies were 6mo (twice) and DH took care of them for 6mo before they started nursery. I appreciated the ‘me’ time, the adult conversation, using my brain doing a job I really liked, and felt like I was a better mum during the time I was at home. There was of course some guilt but I look back on it and know it was the right thing for me and the family (they are 2 and 4 now).

I continued to breastfeed both until they were 2 and past 2 with pumping breaks (and chocolate!) which were also really good for a bit of a chillax time during the day.

Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 15:57

@Barleysugar86 @Narwhalsh Thankyou both so much for responding! I just feel guilty about sending her to nursery. What if she doesn't settle? What if she has lots of sick days and i need lots of time off? I think because I'm off, I have far too much time to over think!

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Xmassprout · 15/06/2021 16:03

I didn't go back to work full time, but I did go back doing shifts. I honestly found the thought of going back to work a lot worse than it actually was. You are definitely over thinking things. There will be obstacles along the way, but you will find a way through it all when the time comes

Don't get me wrong, there was lots of mum guilt. However that was balanced out by having adult conversations that did not involve babies or children in anyway, being able to go to the toilet alone, and eating in peace and quiet.

Whatever you do there will always be guilt. You go back full time, you feel guilty leaving your child. You go back part time, you feel guilty for leaving your child for shorter periods of time, but also the reduced income. Dont return, and you feel guilty for having no income. There's no right or wrong thing to do, you fo what works for your family

Rubyrecka · 15/06/2021 16:07

Following

Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 16:07

@Xmassprout Thankyou If I reduced my hours, we'd barely have any money after nursery fees but going back full time means we'll have some for days out etc so trying to focus on that.

Did yours go to nursery? If they did, how old?

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Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 16:07

@Rubyrecka When do you return?

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gingerbiscuit19 · 15/06/2021 16:10

I went back full time from three months. It was absolutely fine. I now have a very dynamic sociable child who is so good at sharing/interacting with others as that's all they've known from three months old.

I also got myself back very quickly. Adult conversation etc. I'd do it all again.

Parker231 · 15/06/2021 16:15

DT’s went full time to nursery when they were six months. No issues with setting and they stayed there until they started school. Two of the staff became our babysitters.

I wanted to continue with my career and everything worked out well. It was difficult and sometimes complicated as DH also works full time and we didn’t have any family in the U.K. as a back up when things went wrong - usually happened when I was working at a clients a long haul flight away!

Barleysugar86 · 15/06/2021 16:19

@DocsOddSocks my DH stayed home with our son until he was three as it made the most financial sense, but we had a rough few weeks settling him at nursery at three years old. The guilt was probably worse as he was older as he could use language to plead with me not to go and he'd sob with the nursery staff for hours! But all children do settle. Within a month he was asking to go to nursery on the weekends :)

I suspect it's much easier on a six month old mentally, as they are so much more in the moment. Sick days might be a concern due to Covid- we've had a few precautionary ones this year or self isolations- are you able to work from home if she gets sent home unexpectedly?

SaintVal · 15/06/2021 16:22

I went back to work part time working three full days a week when my DS was 11 months. He had a day with grandparents and two in nursery. I really enjoyed it - I had the Monday and Tuesday off so a lovely long weekend. Actually, I prefer those days to my working pattern now which is 5 hours straight every day with no lunch break and school runs either end.

It was really hard at first to leave my baby but he loved nursery so much and stayed there until the summer before he started school. I enjoyed sitting in peace at my desk working, seeing colleagues, having hot drinks and snacks from the 'treat table' 😂.

pitterpatterrain · 15/06/2021 16:28

I went back FT when my DC1 was 6 months and for DC2 when 8 months. All worked fine!

I continued BF with both morning/evenings which was lovely until around 11 months

Sit down and have a think - where are these thoughts about guilt coming from? What are you guilty for..? What is the (unhealthy) comparison or measure you are trying to achieve?

You only have your life, and there is always going to be another parent doing things differently; every child will have their own experience growing up and that’s fine

Xmassprout · 15/06/2021 17:03

My eldest went to nursery at 9 months, she was absolutely fine.

I've changed my work hours a couple of years ago when she was around 2, so no longer actually need nursery. But she loves going and has her nursery friends so she still goes

Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 19:08

@gingerbiscuit19

I went back full time from three months. It was absolutely fine. I now have a very dynamic sociable child who is so good at sharing/interacting with others as that's all they've known from three months old.

I also got myself back very quickly. Adult conversation etc. I'd do it all again.

@gingerbiscuit19 Was your child in nuraery full time too? I'm hoping that because she'll be just short of 6 months, she'll settle a lot easier!

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Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 19:08

@Parker231

DT’s went full time to nursery when they were six months. No issues with setting and they stayed there until they started school. Two of the staff became our babysitters.

I wanted to continue with my career and everything worked out well. It was difficult and sometimes complicated as DH also works full time and we didn’t have any family in the U.K. as a back up when things went wrong - usually happened when I was working at a clients a long haul flight away!

@Parker231 Thats great you made it work! Hopefully the same for us too!

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Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 19:10

[quote Barleysugar86]@DocsOddSocks my DH stayed home with our son until he was three as it made the most financial sense, but we had a rough few weeks settling him at nursery at three years old. The guilt was probably worse as he was older as he could use language to plead with me not to go and he'd sob with the nursery staff for hours! But all children do settle. Within a month he was asking to go to nursery on the weekends :)

I suspect it's much easier on a six month old mentally, as they are so much more in the moment. Sick days might be a concern due to Covid- we've had a few precautionary ones this year or self isolations- are you able to work from home if she gets sent home unexpectedly?[/quote]
@Barleysugar86 That's not an option which is unfortunate. DH has saved his holidays to use for sick days too so hopefully we'll manage. I think it's just all very overwhelming but hopefully we'll manage!

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DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 19:11

@SaintVal

I went back to work part time working three full days a week when my DS was 11 months. He had a day with grandparents and two in nursery. I really enjoyed it - I had the Monday and Tuesday off so a lovely long weekend. Actually, I prefer those days to my working pattern now which is 5 hours straight every day with no lunch break and school runs either end.

It was really hard at first to leave my baby but he loved nursery so much and stayed there until the summer before he started school. I enjoyed sitting in peace at my desk working, seeing colleagues, having hot drinks and snacks from the 'treat table' 😂.

@SaintVal Do love a good treat table. Though I indulge far more than I should

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Original poster

DocsOddSocks · 15/06/2021 19:14

@pitterpatterrain

I went back FT when my DC1 was 6 months and for DC2 when 8 months. All worked fine!

I continued BF with both morning/evenings which was lovely until around 11 months

Sit down and have a think - where are these thoughts about guilt coming from? What are you guilty for..? What is the (unhealthy) comparison or measure you are trying to achieve?

You only have your life, and there is always going to be another parent doing things differently; every child will have their own experience growing up and that’s fine

Thanks for that @pitterpatterrain

I think most of it comes down to other people. A colleague found out I was going back full time and just said 'Mhmm, that'll be hard!'. She meant no malice in it but that set home how hard it really will be? Another is going back part time and tells me how excited she is, long weekends, more time with her DC etc. Just makes me feel guilty that I won't have that?

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bigbluecup · 15/06/2021 19:17

I was dreading going back to work but it was such a good thing! Adult conversations, having a purpose and not just being a mum. My DS also thrived at nursery, learned so much and loved being there once he settled. He’s been there 2 years now and I’ve actually increased his days and reduced how much family have him

tigger1001 · 15/06/2021 19:19

Mine are a little older now, but really did feel guilty about returning back to work. Just wanted to reassure you that all you are feeling right now is normal. Mother's guilt is a very real thing.

Once I was back and into a routine I did (almost!) enjoy having adult conversation, drinking coffee when it was hot and eating at the right time.

I did though condense my hours so did full time in 4 days, and had a Wednesday off. Then when my youngest came along I dropped a day.

I did have a job I enjoyed with did help a little and looking back from where I am now, with my youngest leaving primary this year, I'm glad I did go back to work when I did.

pitterpatterrain · 15/06/2021 22:13

Docs some things are hard, some things are easy - yet it’s a personal decision where to draw the line on how you spend your time - try it out and see how you can potentially change it up if it’s not working; each to their own there is no “right” way here

I was PT for a bit between DC as I did a PT Masters, yes it was nice to have those days here and there - but at no point along the way I personally felt PT was for me in the longer term e.g. I could go PT now and we would be fine financially, but tbh I enjoy my job

Now my DC are older (4&7) you start to see that they don’t remember everything; and as long as they are having good experiences and you are content in your work/family decisions all will be well (my POV)

Mine both went through a phase around 3-ish of not wanting to go to nursery for a bit. Both went through it - it depends whether you see it as a phase of growing up and becoming more aware vs a symptom of you being a working parent etc. They grow and change, and their needs change.

You may find as you continue to work you need different flexibility in your schedule such as when you reach school age - it’s all constantly changing