To think I'm too stupid to keep a job....

[AnonAalways]

Hi apologies-this is bit of a self pitting thread-

I find it very difficult to hold down a job..

I really feel very stupid...

I feel like giving up- as I do not feel competent enough to work, and terrified of being sacked.

Honestly I'm like a teenager trapped in a middle aged persons body!

I've always been permanently underemployed. Have often been in word in mouth self employed jobs.

That are always short term.As I find it difficult to hold onto any job.

Have poor social skills as I'm always so embarrassed about my lack of ability.

Always feel like I'm masking, and will be found out for the many slip ups I do.

Had mediocre grades at school. Been diagnosed as dyslexic when in uni, and as part of the assessment- found out I have an average- slightly higher than average iq- . But literally you would not know it. I make constant mistakes, in spelling, typos (sent wrong number to client today). Poor short term memory.
Cannot remember names, dates etc...terrible at IT.

Often get bullied at work as people find out I'm such a klutz.

Try to makeup for it- by being a really, nice obedient colleague-always admit my mistakes- tend to get walked over!!!

Find jobs that are low skilled are the worse fit for me as I literally have no common sense-
At a loss what to do.

Have been a sahm and have ended up claiming some benefits, as I am finding with my terrible cv- hard to get any sort of permanent job!

Does anyone have any advice?

I really need the money- as I'm fed up living hand to mouth.

It sounds like you need more confidence OP, it takes some people longer to settle in to a job than others. What kind of jobs have you been doing?

Entry level Admin, sales, retail. technician , call centre, child minding etc..

Always masking, poor social skills, feeling like a teenager in an adult's body, poor short-term memory, being a 'klutz', can't remember dates ( executive function struggles), trying to compensate and fit in by being nice and obedient ...

All this screams autism to me. Have you ever been assessed? I wasn't diagnosed until I was 42 - it presents very differently in females and often goes unrecognised, especially if you're verbally fluent with normal to high intelligence.

I think you’re probably not playing to your strengths. There are plenty of jobs which are skills based where your dyslexia is not going to be such as issue. I think you could use some career coaching although I’m not sure how easy that is to access or affordable.

Thanks for the replies

Yes it has def. crosssed my mind. I have this in my family- but they have it severely.

I've always had quite a few friends, and partner and can when not at work( in a relaxed setting) hold my own in conversation.

I suppose when growing up family members who are on the spectrum- cannot mask at all....and need lots of help for basic everyday things. And find relationships very difficult.

I may be in denial but I've a hunch that although I have inherited traits, they are not enough to be considered a disability and I would not be diagnosed as autistic.

It really is more a difficulty with executive function. I get anxious and have terrible attention to detail.

-@Catro How did you find out you were on the spectrum?

Was it worth getting diagnosed. Has it helped or hindered you for work?

Does anyone know what job is a good fit for dyslexics?

Where can I access help?

This charity might be able to help

www.helenarkell.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do.php

I can't comment on the autism point but the things that jump out to me are:

• confidence, or lack of it
• not being in the right jobs

Quite likely to be connected.

I find it hard to believe that you can have finished school with mediocre grades and be "too stupid" to work: there are millions of people in the workforce who are not, to be polite, that all that intellectually gifted but who are perfectly competent at their jobs.

It strikes me that you have got into a negative feedback loop around this idea and its fueling mistakes and self-criticism. You need to find a job which will prove this theory wrong. I realise that this is more complicated than it sounds but once you do find the right it will become clear.

I think some career-related counselling would be a good start. But I can't help wondering why you have got hold of the idea that you are too stupid for work? Has someone told you this?

You've basically just described me!

I also think I'm sort of intelligent in some ways but I've had a lot of comments, mainly in a jokey way (and usually from men), about how stupid/rubbish at my job I am. Maybe we've just not found our calling in life!?

It really affects my self esteem and has stopped me aiming higher.

So yeah, no words of advice but you're definitely not alone in feeling like this!

You've communicated really well here. You don't sound unemployable, but of course you're masking here too and it's probably exhausting.

You've told us what you can't do.
What can you do?
What do you enjoy?
What motivates you to get out of bed?
Would you like to work outdoors?

@Catro How did you find out you were on the spectrum?

I run creative writing workshops and got involved with a pilot project aimed specifically at autistic adults. This meant I did a lot of research into autism and this combined with working closely with autistic women made it blatantly obvious to me that I shared so many of their traits and autism was the answer that had been staring me in the face for so long.

So yes ... getting diagnosed was utterly worth it and it's helped, not hindered me in every way. I don't view my autism as a disability, I feel neurodiversity is simply natural variations in the human brain and it has many positives for me such as my vivid long-term memory.

Work-wise my diagnosis has been brilliant - the autism project is still running well past the pilot phase and I find it deeply fulfilling. I spent many years in tedious office jobs that were an incredibly bad fit for me and made me extremely anxious - the constant masking, feeling like a square peg in a round hole, feeling drained by the endless small talk, the buzzing fluorescent light above my desk triggering a sensory overload, etc If I'd had my diagnosis back then, I could have legitimately asked to be seated away from the light, without being branded fussy and difficult.

This sounds like me too. I'm being assessed for adhd at the moment as it affects my whole life honestly.

Have you considered ADHD OP?

I was in a similar position with some of the same issues, and going through the diagnostic process for this has been life changing.

I have thought about ADHD.

How have you felt being diagnosed with ADHD has helped.

What job do you think would be a good fit for ADHD?

@castro
Really appreciate the reply. Glad it worked out for you. Interesting to see you point of view..

Tbh I feel quite stuck, as really need a job, but terrified I'm going be in a situation where I won't be able to cope again!
Although I'm not sure I'm on the spectrum. If I am I would be mildly on the spectrum.

As I said my family are on the spectrum and really do have enormous difficulty relating to people- very bad loops- that are so distracting they would not be able to eat, wash without prompting. They would never be able to hold down a job without a lot of support- carer etc... Suffer from overt prejudice everyday, and have had real problems accessing suitable employment, education and housing.

Agree that it can be a blessing with hyper focus. From what I can see If you're lucky enough to have culture and actual capital - have a specialised skill- in a large organisation-an autism diagnosis can be very helpful. It also helps if you are outstandingly bright- which I am not- just sort of average/ slightly above average.
Otherwise there could be some prejudice?
I'm really not in that boat though. I don't have an in demand skill. I have no capital, support network is thin on the ground.

Just need a job that would be a good fit...

I like research, have a background in arts etc..Ok at- but I found that there is no pay, very competitive, need good social capital to get on in this role. A young persons game!

Do not want to be self employed as its tricky to keep a rood over your head with a precarious income.

Good at sales- which I hate. Good at pitches etc..

Love gardening, but low physical resilience.Bad back etc..

Find retail super boring, rubbish at stocktake, cash handling stressful as short term memory/ multi tasking very tricky.

Thought that fundraising may be a good fit. Although I feel that I wouldn't have the polish-to convince companies to help a charity- many others would be a better fit for this.

Have difficulty in professional jobs- as I said I have little confidence, and have poor attention to detail. So I find that polish tricky to pull off.

Also tricky as older now-found my last job- super ageist.

Apologies for moaning.....

It's reassuring that others feel like this, and are managing to stay employed!