To not be able to rest?

[jedtd]

I feel as a mum I can never rest.

I have called in sick today as I am unwell. My toddler is at nursery ( he goes twice a week when I work). I thought great can finally have a rest as have been struggling to play with toddler, take them for a walk etc whilst being unwell ( chest infection - not covid and pregnancy related problems sickness).

Anyway so today I thought great yes let's have a rest .. just been told by DH that a gas engineer ( plus relative as he is also helping with job) is coming tomorrow for an hour to work out what parts he needs for a job happening in July . This is the only day he is free to do this , so today I need to force myself to clean the house as it's rank. Doesn't help that they want to come at 12 so will be toddler lunch time and nap time - again I was looking forward to the rest I don't want to chat for an hour being unwell. I am grateful for them coming it's a big job and a help but it's just so last minute.

DH cleaned the house Sunday but it isn't right lots been missed and I can't have someone round the house with how it currently is . Still lots of clutter everywhere and dirty. This always happens when DH cleans he can spend hours and it just looks half arsed . Never a proper job; for example tubs of clean washing to put away, bathroom apparently cleaned but floor not been mopped so dirty. Fridge got gone off food in and doors dirty , cleaned surfaces only but thinks that's enough. Just all unfinished jobs.

Guess I'm just fed up and wondering if anyone else feels the same , there is always something taking our attention away from prioritising our health and days to rest are a thing of the past?

Entirely your own fault.
I know how unsympathetic that sounds.
But either you need to rest or you don’t.
Don’t be a martyr. Get the rest you need. Who cares if the housework isn’t done?
These are your choices.

I understand what your saying . I will feel very anxious will 2 people going into each room to measure up and being surrounded by mess and dirt.

If you're that worried about the cleaning, just do the bare minimum, let him in and say you're not well so will leave him to it, there's the tea and coffee and go to bed. He probably won't care.

And if your fridge has gone-off food in it, you can fix that permanently by meal planning. Who regularly has gone-off food in their fridge? 🤨 And even if you do, trust me the gas engineer isn’t going to see it!

Just rest. What's the worst that happens if these people come in and the housework isn't done?

I don't regularly have gone off food in fridge @Cocomarine I have just explained I haven't been well so unfortunately things have slipped a little .. I am not talking about a large amount of food just the last little dregs of milk to throw out, remainder of some cooked meat nothing major . But door handles sticky from toddler and it's all been overlooked.

How is your house getting so dirty, anyway? Two adults and one child who isn’t home full time and isn’t at “free range” age, so supervised when at home. And the house was cleaned to some extent on Sunday. Just 1.5 days ago? It sounds like you are worrying about nothing and choosing to put that above your own rest.

@Cocomarine

Entirely your own fault. I know how unsympathetic that sounds. But either you need to rest or you don’t. Don’t be a martyr. Get the rest you need. Who cares if the housework isn’t done? These are your choices.

Completely agree with this

@MaMaD1990 I know it's just il be doing toddler lunch then getting him off for his nap. I will need to take him out in the morning as it's too long a day to stay in with him. He isn't the kind of toddler to sit and watch the tv so when I am ill I struggle . So I just wanted to get back for 12 lunch and nap .

An engineer could not give a flying fuck what your house is like, I promise you. They have seen it ALL.

Just rest and don't be a martyr!

@Cocomarine because it hasn't had a deep clean for months . It's just had these shitty cleans by DH as I haven't been well with sickness for 4 months now . DH will say he has a done a deep clean and it's shit.

I would like to clean anyway as sick of being in a disorganised dirty home. I just don't feel well enough and wished DH just did a proper job in the first place . The only time I feel comfortable in this house is when I have deep cleaned it and organised the stuff but I just haven't been well now for a while so it's not been done.

And what has he said when you’ve told him it’s shit?

If you’re unwell and busy with a toddler and he’s working, get a cleaner temporarily.

But think about how the mess is created in the first place. My sister used to complain about sticky hand marks. But then, she let her kids wander round the house eating apples or whatever. My mum had 6 kids and zero hand marks, because no way in hell would we have eaten anywhere but at the table, and knew to wash our hands after! I know that’s one example, but with just 2 adults and a toddler, the first way to reduce cleaning is not to make the mess in the first place.

1. Get some rest this week, forget the housework, the engineer doesn’t give a shit - and even if he did, so what?

1. Get a cleaner temporarily

1. Hope you feel better soon!

Thank you @Cocomarine , we may look at getting a cleaner if finances allow for sure . Yes I think I have been more slack with the allowing of snacks around the house rather than high chair . With how I have been feeling I have been letting him sit and have a snack on the sofa or his table but then he does sometimes get up and wonder around holding said snack so it's not surprising really 😭😂

@Cocomarine doesn't help that my 2 working days are 12.5 hours long and home based but completely tied up for the whole time no flexibility so I'm spending the day in the house working and thinking of the housework I could be doing 🤦‍♀️

@Cocomarine sorry forgot to say he just says that he tried his best and points out things he has done " well "