I have a friend who I am finding quite draining at the minute but feeling guilty for taking a step back.
This friend is truly a good, kind person who is a lot of fun when she is in the form. We've been friends for five or six years but I think lockdown has made me more aware that I have spent those years mostly being a counselor. I'm told I am a good listener and I really haven't minded being called for advice etc. She is mid to late thirties and single and I feel I have lived every part of every relationship with her and counselled her through every breakup. I think just recently I am realising more and more that while she asks how I am, it is more in a polite way but she doesn't really have the interest - she doesn't engage with what I am saying - she needs to focus on her problems 90% of the time.
She is quite an anxious person and I think that when she has a problem, that's all she can focus on. I don't think I have ever known her actually happy and I feel guilty for thinking it, but I think no matter what happens, she will never be truly happy as she is so negative.
She has so much going for her - pretty, smart, well travelled, funny, own home etc but is just always so negative about everything. I just feel so drained by it recently and as I am quite a positive person, I feel I spend my time trying to cheer her up and find a positive spin but I think it annoys her more than anything and I feel exhausted at the end of a phonecall - I suppose I feel frustrated that she is so blessed in lots of ways and doesn't see it and I feel she lacks the self awareness to see how draining she can be. I have started to take a bit of a step back in recent weeks as I have just felt more like a listening ear than a person in my own right.
I was thinking today about a thread I read here a couple of years ago and someone was posting about how she doesn't ever feel anything but unsatisfied and quite a few posters were saying the same - they weren't depressed, they just never felt fully happy with anything.
I suppose my question is, do people like this ever feel any kind of self awareness of how draining the negativity can be for other people? I really have been a good friend for years now and have spent hours of my time giving advice etc but I am exhausted!