To forewarn someone of level or lack of support

[Secretloverofsparklystuff]

Ok, ive pondered over this for a few days and i cant help but be confused and a bit pissed off tbh.
So whats your opinion?

I have an elderly family member (95) whose health has deteriorated significantly recently.
It was advised last week that around the clock care is needed, and GP wants a DNR signing.

My DH response to this, when i told him the update, was to say, 'you need to tell me if im not supporting you through this'
He added 'its a bit too close to home'
He lost his DM 8 years ago and then DF 4 years ago,
I feel like hes easing his conscience so he doesnt need to be supportive when the inevitable happens.
Am i being over sensitive or is this an odd thing to say?
Sorry its long
Aibu to be pissed off by his comment?

Unless theres a back story of him being selfish and unsupportive, I think his comment was meant well and you might be being over-sensitive. It sounds like he wants to support you and is well-aware that his own experiences may mean he doesn't automatically do that in the ways you need. He asked you to tell him if he wasnt being supportive, he didn't say he didnt know if he could support you.

It is an odd think to say but I think it really depends what he means by support?
If he means emotionally ie by listening to you then he’s being a bit of an arse. If he’s means being very closely involved in arrangements, visiting every day, sorting POA and property out then I don’t think he is being unreasonable if he’s just been through all that with his parents.

I agree with the PP. It sounds like he wants to be supportive, but it aware that his own emotional response might mean he doesn't automatically know how to do it. I think he is asking you to tell him how to be supportive, not saying that he won't be.

I actually think it shows some self-awareness, which is never a bad thing.

Thank you for your replies,

it wouldnt be unheard of for him to be called selfish tbh.

Im being a knob this time though arent i 🙈

You're not being a knob. Just over-sensitive, which is understandable in the context.

Sounds like he was asking you to tell him if he isn't being supportive enough as he has his own baggage. Which is very self aware of him.