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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to 'think ill' based on circumstancial evidence, only

15 replies

Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 06:51

Please bear with me as I put my Aibu in context. 18yo DSD has history of hiding/taking & using DS devices -would lie & then we found them or they appeared in places we'd looked. (Her devices were monitored - long history of putting herself in danger.) She's now moved out & has full access to whatever she pleases. Has ipod & cheap phone only. She has taken devices to Apple shop & had them wiped to reconfigure (when we had monitoring software on it).
Now, DS ipad has disappeared. I took it off him & am 99.99% sure put it in our laundry cupboard for safekeeping a good few weeks ago. This time period coincides with DSD returning to collect some possessions including wet suit (no problem with that) from said cupboard. I've turned the house upside down to no avail. DS keeps asking for it so I'm sure he hasn't had it back since it's confiscation. Tracking no good if its off in house or reset. AIBU in thinking DSD has the ipad & if IANBU how might I broach this? When gently hinted at with DP she closed me down but doesn't know she went to cupboard & took the wet suit.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 14/06/2021 06:53

So you think she has taken it and sold it?
Or hidden it?
Does she need money?

RoseAndRose · 14/06/2021 06:57

When gently hinted at with DP she closed me down but doesn't know she went to cupboard & took the wet suit

Why on earth are you refusing to tell DP?

Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 06:57

Unlikely to have sold it. Most likely hidden at her new home (in denial she has it) or using it (pretending to boyfriend it's hers).

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 14/06/2021 07:00

If you can prove ownership of it to apple can they not assist you?

TheQueef · 14/06/2021 07:01

There's nothing you can really do. (Assuming police are off the table)
If it's possible DH could have a scout at her place? Is he on board?

One thing you can do is be aware and ruthlessly move electronics away when she comes.

Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 07:02

Have told DP. Only just confirmed wet suit gone. DP thinks DS has taken & lost it. (Pretty sure he didn't know where it was) or I've put it somewhere else and can't find.

OP posts:
BettysGotMoxie · 14/06/2021 07:02

It’s seems reasonable under the circumstances to ask her if she’s seen it or similar.

Why would you/your partner think it appropriate to have monitoring software on an adult who is living alones hardware?

Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 07:06

No moniori g software since she's been 18 & away from home. That was when she was running away, meeting strangers in cars.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 07:07

I've got serial number but unless device isn't wiped & turned back on in our range no luck
Apple don't ask for proof of ownership.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 07:09

Thanks for replies. Just wanted to vent & know whether my thoughts were totally unreasonable which it seems not.

OP posts:
bloodyhell19 · 14/06/2021 07:40

I don't think YABU if she has form for it. I'd ask her in front of DP if she's seen it as it was in the cupboard etc. And just play innocent with it because I can't cope with lying or thieving & it's at the detriment of your DS.

I'd also get a lock box for any future device confiscations so they're not obvious... But your DP is going to do more damage to both children if she lets one away with possibly thieving the other's devices and won't even question it.

Original poster
Tinythumbelina · 14/06/2021 08:00

@bloodyhell19

I don't think YABU if she has form for it. I'd ask her in front of DP if she's seen it as it was in the cupboard etc. And just play innocent with it because I can't cope with lying or thieving & it's at the detriment of your DS.

I'd also get a lock box for any future device confiscations so they're not obvious... But your DP is going to do more damage to both children if she lets one away with possibly thieving the other's devices and won't even question it.

My sentiments entirely. Alas, she will deny (has years of lying to our faces). Hard to confront as she rarely visits us anyway. We've been NC for 3 weeks now since she was inadvertently exposed to me, over something else relatively minor. She's also NC with her mum too, over something else we dared to question.
OP posts:
RuggerHug · 14/06/2021 08:06

At 18 and out of the house? What kind of security have you in the home and does she know about it. Because if you and DP sit her down and say "we know what was in the house before you came over and we know what was missing when you left. We have proof of when it was on here and when it went off. We also have a camera that shows the time you arrived and when you left. Are you going to bring us to your home now so we can collect it and bring it home or are we bringing this information to the police and you can have a warrant issued to search your home? Those are the options". If you're very sure it will rattle her and if not she knows it's not going to be tolerated since she won't be in your home unsupervised again.

Gunpowder · 14/06/2021 08:10

I’d turn it on to lost mode so it’s unusable for her. Then mention to DP in her hearing what you’ve done, saying they must be right about you misplacing it and you really hope it turns up around the house. Hopefully she will replace it.

Emmelina · 14/06/2021 14:46

I assume you’ve tried “find my iPhone” to locate it?

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