Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a little support

16 replies

runliketewind · 13/06/2021 20:34

Hi lovely people I'm really hoping with your honest opinions you can help me out with my lonely thoughts this evening.

So today my husband and I decided to have a BBQ inviting my parents along for company. My husband suggested that I ask my Brother and his partner along as my parents said they were at home watching footie on their own. I do not see my brother much ( although he lives nearby) and haven't had the best relationship with him over the years, I'm not sure why we are just not close and he has been very disrespectful towards me at times. My Brother left his pregnant wife 27years ago and ran off with an ex who was pregnant with another mans child. It was an amicable split and his wife moved away and our relationship fizzled when she remarried. My brother always claimed his wife's baby was not his and I always believed she was his. My Neice was always told by her mother about her dad (my brother) and all of us aunties nana etc so when she was 18 I contacted her a we have a great relationship.

So today at the Bbq my Brother and his now girlfriend decided to get it all off their chest and have a go at me in front of my family saying that she's not his and why do I not believe him, I shouldn't be having a relationship with her and I'm not respecting him. He's never respected me, ever and I'm not seeing her to disrespect him.

Sorry this is so long but please bare with me as my second concern is, even though my husband has always supported me seeing my neice he just walk away and left me being used as a punch bag.

He didn't even mention the incident after everyone left and has now gone to bed.

Please any advise on how I should be feeling would be appreciated as I'm feeling a little bruised and off kilter 🙄 just to add I stayed very calm throughout and didn't cause him any embarrassment

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 13/06/2021 20:37

Your husband should have supported you

What did your parents say?

Can you do a family dna test to prove a relationship with your niece?

Standrewsschool · 13/06/2021 20:41

If you stayed calm, maybe he thought you were handling the situation.

Maybe he didn’t want to get involved, as it was a family matter.

Maybe he needed to go to the toilet.

Until you ask him, you won’t know why he acted as he did.

Scarlettpixie · 13/06/2021 20:43

Maybe he thought it best not to get involved as your brother is your family? Talk to him about how you feel.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 13/06/2021 20:51

You can't be 100% she even is his. Do a dna test to see if you are related.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/06/2021 21:03

He should have supported you but I do understand why he maybe didn’t want to be seen to attack your family.
As for your brother - get a dna test and leave me alone is a simple response

Moonshine11 · 13/06/2021 21:09

I do get why he walked away tbh, getting involved in family matters just ends up messy.
I would never get involved in my DPs fights with his family, but I would speak to him about after they left so yeah I think he could of spoke to you about it

socalledfriend · 13/06/2021 21:22

Why didn't you tell them to leave?

Original poster
runliketewind · 13/06/2021 21:27

Maybe because I was completly caught off guard by both of them and feel I'm always made out to be the bad one if I respond negatively. I'm getting help with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
runliketewind · 13/06/2021 21:30

Moonshine11

Yes a hug and an are you okay would have been nice. He's never very supportive of me and also likes me to look the bad one. This is why I stayed calm I feel frustrated but also proud of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
runliketewind · 13/06/2021 21:33

DeflatedGinDrinker

How do I ask for her to do a DNA without upsetting an innocent person?

OP posts:
Original poster
runliketewind · 13/06/2021 21:35

Theunamedcat

My Brother is the golden child and he will always be believed by them. They just sat there also.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/06/2021 21:35

@runliketewind

DeflatedGinDrinker

How do I ask for her to do a DNA without upsetting an innocent person?

You don’t ask her - unless she wants to do one (can you do one with an aunt to pull the match?)- but it’s up to your brother to man up and suggest one or shut the hell up
UhtredRagnarson · 13/06/2021 21:38

Jesus. In that situation I fully would have expected your husband to tell your brother to leave as soon as he started on you. Any other response from your husband is just woeful.

Patapouf · 13/06/2021 21:44

It's not your husbands job to intervene in a sibling relationship. Why didn't you stand up for yourself and tell your brother to get the fuck out?

Why has he never done a DNA test Confused

Original poster
runliketewind · 13/06/2021 22:14

Patapouf

He asked her to do a DNA when he left her, she refused. Not really surprised when he left her for another woman. She was prob was just sticking her finger up to him. I know I would have done if I was innocent.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 13/06/2021 23:21

Ancestry dna kits if your a match you will pop up as a relative i found my dads cousins that way plus my children showed up as a match (which I knew obviously)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread