WWYD - household bills & child maintenance

[Newmortgage]

Hi everyone! My partner and I earn pretty much the same amount (about £1500 difference a year). We are looking to buy a house together, he has children from a previous relationship which he pays child maintenance for, I have none.
We currently don’t share finances but I was thinking of making a joint account purely for bills/food shopping then having our own individual accounts for everything else. I wouldn’t be comfortable only having a joint account.
Should we each contribute 50/50 to this joint account, or should my partner pay less as he will be paying maintenance and therefore have less money leftover compared to me. It seems unfair that I’ll be having £100s extra a month than him, but I also think they aren’t my children and it’s not really up to me to contribute to maintenance payments.
Neither of us are high earners, both under £35k if that makes a difference?
YABU - all expenses should be split 50/50 including child maintenance
YANBU - all expenses should be split 50/50 excluding child maintenance
Thanks all!

House hold expenses should be split 50/50 and he covers his own child maintenance.

You shouldn't be paying CM as they aren't your kids.

DH and I have always split things 50:50 and he pays child maintenance out of what he has left; when DD is with us I’m happy to pay half for things and I’ve never expected him to pay more for any home we’ve had based on needing more space for his DD but I don’t see why if contirbute to maintenance. We bought/rented based on a budget that he could meet taking into consideration his maintenance payments.

Household expenses are 50/50 and he covers child maintenance.

Thanks all - it just feels a bit mean to me that I’ll have more “spending” money each month compared to him

@Newmortgage

Thanks all - it just feels a bit mean to me that I’ll have more “spending” money each month compared to him

That’s the bonus or reality of not having children though. If you do then that will all change.

Not your problem. Having more money each month is one of the perks of not having children 😊 he had the same choice

@Newmortgage

Thanks all - it just feels a bit mean to me that I’ll have more “spending” money each month compared to him

It's not mean though. He chose to have kids. If you get married you could consider it but even then you should potentially get more spending money or you are subsiding his kids.

Definitely 50/50 and then he pays his maintenance. On 35k it won’t be an unmanageable amount. He chose to have a child and it’s his financial responsibility and not yours. I wouldn’t expect him to pay more for meals / activities / days out though when his dc is there. That I would just split 50/50 or he pays once and you pay the next time.

If you feel guilty about having more spending money than him, then pick up the tab for dinner out once a month, or buy an extra round of drinks when you go out, etc.

You will in effect already be subsidising his kids as presumably you will need to buy a house big enough for them to stay and paying extra for food etc. If you’re both on 30-35k he should still have plenty spare unless you live somewhere expensive.

He pays maintenance and you have the extra. You will already be contributing to them if you are going halves on food etc anyway.

Your household bills like food and mortgage will mean that you are helping subsidize his kids in a way. If he was childless you might choose a smaller property with smaller bills like council tax

@Newmortgage

Thanks all - it just feels a bit mean to me that I’ll have more “spending” money each month compared to him

You haven't got children to support.

They aren't your responsibility and you shouldn't feel obliged to contribute to their maintenance.

But you paying 50% you will be paying some of the utility costs of his dc... Plenty you wouldn't be if he was dc - free. He needs to pay his Cms.

His children, his responsibility to pay maintenance.

Presumably the children will stay with you quite a bit, so you'll share the expense of that. If it were me I'd also be generous as far as his children are concerned - outings, birthday presents, the odd treat etc.

And pick up the tab every now and again when the two of you go out.

His spending money goes on his child, your spending money goes on you. Just think of it like that. He didn’t have to have a child, but he did, and now he has responsibilities. One day the two of you may have kids and you can (enjoy haha) having less spending money.

I agree with the others, if splitting bills you are already subsidising his child through home, utilities, food, outings etc.

If he is a decent man he would feel guilty you paying his half of the maintenance

*half his maintenance

It might be better to start out with your DP being responsible for his child maintenance and for you to indirectly subsidise him by paying half the utilities and food that will support the children when they stay. Don't 'feel mean' for not jumping into paying half his child maintenance as you might end up resenting this and struggle to row back from that without 'feeling mean'. Think of it as giving him an opportunity to demonstrate responsibility for his children. If you must, save in your name the difference while having the same disposable income as him.

Good luck.