To think I'm not the only one like this?

[OneCatTooMany]

I'm a mum of 2, a wife & work part time outside the house. My husband works full time from home.

It's expected by my husband that I do the housework, help with the homework, food shopping & cooking.

In reality the house often looks slightly untidy, though an hour spend tidying makes it look very good. It's always clean though as I do the bathroom, kitchen and hoovering each day & mop the floor each day. There is always a pile or ironing lying around too as I detest that.

The kids homework isn't always done on the day it's set. The kids aren't bathed each night, every other night is more realistic.

I usually have a food shop delivered as the idea of food shopping after working (in a different supermarket to where I work) feels like such a chore.

I often rely on prepare meals (such as a cottage pie that's ready made).

Apparently I'm lazy, shout too much and don't dedicate enough time to the kids (as I spend an hour or so each day for myself up in our room).

AIBU to think I'm not the only one who feels like they are failing in the mum and housewife roll?

I can’t really say, because I probably do less than you (of the day to day boring housework shit) but I don’t have an arsehole for a husband trying to make me feel bad because I’m not an unpaid housemaid.

In case that isn’t clear - your husband is the problem.

Is it your DH saying that? I’d love to see him swap roles and and see if he’s any better. No one is perfect and I’m fairly similar to you although I don’t mop and hoover every day so I’m probably worse!

What does he actually do other than work FT and criticise you? You work, seem to do most of the housework and look after your DC. He just sounds like a wanker from your post.

Yep it's him.

He won't do housework on the weekend as it's his day off yet I'm still expected to do it because I "only" work part time

As I was reading this, I was thinking you're an unpaid servant. Some of these men just take it for granted that a woman's place is in the home, the kitchen etc. He needs to get up off his bum and get stuck in. Stern words are required OP.

Do you have equal leisure time???

He sounds misogynistic and unkind

@Singlenotsingle he's going to get a shock if I get the full time job I've gone for as I'll expect him to do half the housework then

@RandomMess it doesn't feel like we do as I'm always thinking about what else needs doing if that makes sense?

I work full time, but from home so my job is probably less physically taxing than yours.

2 kids, home work is done every night / morning so it’s done for the next school day.

DH also works from home and deals with the laundry.

DH does mornings / kids drop offs and I do afternoons / pick ups. As I do afternoons I sort the evening meal. We generally eat from scratch stuff however my children are no stranger to supermarket pizza and sometimes have ready meals for lunch at the weekend in winter (usually in a food flask sat on a rock somewhere).

We 50/50 most other stuff, for example yesterday I painted our back fence and DH washed and hoovered out the car. Today I cooked a roast and made a Bolognaise (destined for a lasagne tomorrow) while DH did some ironing.

I think you guys are going about it all wrong, you need to work as a team and play to your strengths. Your DH shouldn’t do nothing because he works full time.

So he doesn't share the mental load. Hand over specific tasks to him- meal planning, food shopping and cooking is a good one as he isn't happy with your cooking he can do it instead?

If you work PT and pick up the housework to even it up.

He does half the cooking and looking after his kids.

You cook, he gets the kids bathed, homework and bed or the other way round.

I think it depends how part time you are what is really a fair division of household chores? If you’re working less than 10hrs/wk is very different from part time at 30hrs/wk.

I don’t know anyone that scrubs their floors, kitchen and bathrooms every day. Most do it once a week and do only spot cleans during week. I think it’s more important that the children wash daily than the floor be mopped daily. (Unless you have big, messy, drool, muddy dogs or something).

I do think your DH is BU to do nothing at all. He should have some household duties otherwise he is letting you carry the burden as well as setting a bad example for children by not being a full partner.

You're not the only one who feels they are failing. Lots of women are married to dickheads, just like you.

You'd feel a lot better without the sniping from a twat who does fuck all to parent his own children or clean his own house in my opinion.

@PlanDeRaccordement

24 hours with 4am starts so up at 3am.

Have boys who miss their aim hence the bathroom each day & an elderly hairy incontinent cat too so that's why the mopping.

Good luck with the job application OP. Let us know how it goes. It won't make any difference though. He'll still expect you to do all the housework as well. It was just an excuse as to why he shouldn't do his share. But you know that, don't you?

Who puts rubbish out, mows the grass, clears gutters, does household repairs etc? It might not be an entirely fair division, but it’s impossible to tell without knowing about all the household tasks and responsibilities.

How part-time is part-time? I can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to get homework done, children bathed and decent food cooked, to be honest. I’m guess as they have homework, they are school aged so able to do some chores and be left to their own devices whilst you cook.

Lazy isn’t a kind word but unless there is something we don’t know, you’re not exactly overstretched.

Dh and I work full time. He finishes early on Fridays. I often work late and at weekends. I fully expect him to do more of the housework cos he has every evening and weekend free. When I'm off, I do more. The ultimate aim should be that both parties feel they have enough down time.

There’s one problem here.

Your H is a prick. A nasty entitled sexist little prick.

Act accordingly.

@LemonRoses starting work at 4am so getting up at 3am. 24 hours a week so it's not your typical hours. I do the maintenance jobs too and if I can't we pay someone to. When I said he does his paid work and no housework I literally meant it.

And in regard to homework so old enough for chores, you do realise the get homework from Reception, so aged 4+? Can't expect a child that young to pitch in much beyond keeping their room clean

Your husband really needs to dial back his sexist obnoxiousness. If he was that keen on the woman of the house doing absolutely everything why doesn't he earn enough to mean you don't have to work? (Obviously tongue-in-cheek as I always work and would not recommend anybody be a 'kept' woman, but I'm trying to point out that he wants the bits of traditionalism that benefit him and him only.) What a pig. I think you should suggest a role-swap for a week. See if you can get overtime so you are out of the house full time and he has to do what you normally do. I bet he wouldn't get through the first two days.

Your husband sounds awful.

Personally I'd prioritise cooking a few more fresh meals and bathing the kids over mopping floors, I'd go mad over people constantly weeing on the floor.

Your husband needs to do more, but go exactly does he think he is? Just because you work part time shouldn't mean you have to do absolutely everything else.

What's the score if you make a list of the chores and hours for each of you, plus working/commuting hours, during an average week? Present it to him and watch his face...

Does he understand how tiring it must be to get up at 3 am? (Is this every day, Monday through Friday? )

Having said that, I'd rather cook healthy meals than spend hours on cleaning and ironing EVERY day.

Also, don't expect him to change once you go full-time.

Have you told him to fuck off? It's 'expected' by him that you do basically all the housework/homework/cooking? What does he do??

He works from home full time - does he do any chores in his break?
I've worked from home since March 2020 and one of the best things about it is that I can get some jobs done here and there.

My husband works out of the home full time and often works Saturdays. I probably do a bit more around the house than him but he does his bit. As he bloody should.

What age are your boys?

He needs to fuck off. I don't even work and my partner works full time in quite a stressful position. He still helps clean, cook, bath baby and gets up in the night most nights (to kindly let me have a good sleep). He probably does more than me to be honest some days. Sounds like he's stuck in the 60's