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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Suspected Marijuana

13 replies

TheWestWind · 13/06/2021 06:14

I’ve been seeing someone a handful of times, and I did notice straight away a couple of her teeth were heavily stained. I wondered if it might be a medical issue, I tried not to be judgemental, very attractive in other ways.

Last night, during a hot humid evening, I hugged her goodbye, and felt as though her perspiration had a distinct scent of weed. She was perfectly clean, just a light bit of perspiration after a brisk walk, and it came out of her skin.

Over the years, two partners I tried to date turned out to be heavy weed smokers, they were both volatile, shouty, and definitely paranoid. I’ve had bad experiences with this, I’m feeling so nervous. It’s ruining my ability to think of enjoying future time spent - she’s invited me to stay the night next weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to quickly drop this person even though I haven’t witnessed her actually smoking? She’s been really lovely so far - kind, full of courtesy, fun, and seems really into me.

OP posts:
BumblebeeBum · 13/06/2021 06:15

Ask her if she smokes weed?

araiwa · 13/06/2021 06:16

I don't know why you wouldn't just ask her if she smokes weed instead of making decisions on no info

SpindleWhorl · 13/06/2021 06:17

Yeah, I'd ask.

TheWestWind · 13/06/2021 06:24

I was hesitant to embarrass her about her teeth. I think I personally would not like it if someone just burst out asking if I am a heavy drug user. If they were wrong, I’d end up feeling hurt - she has been kind and I don’t want to be rude.

It’s quite a private thing it seems, in the sense that both previous partners I’d been out with in the past tried very hard to hide their use from me, and once I brought it up were very angry when I asked questions. I’m not sure I want to deal with that again, they’re pretty bad memories.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 13/06/2021 06:29

Eh?
Just ask it's not a deep dark secret yet

SpindleWhorl · 13/06/2021 06:32

No-one has suggested that you ask her about her teeth, or that you ask her if she is a heavy drug user.

Three people suggested you ask her if she smokes weed.

It's fine to say that it's a deal-breaker for you, and that as the dating situation has the potential to turn into a relationship, you would like to have that discussion sooner rather than later.

Don't spend the night with her and then ask and dump, fgs. Then she will be angry/hurt, and you'll be stuck in your loop of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

TheWestWind · 13/06/2021 06:37

Thank you, @SpindleWhorl.

Could I have some more suggestions of how to phrase this as nicely as possible?

OP posts:
TheQueef · 13/06/2021 06:40

Do you like a toke?

Easy.

TheWestWind · 13/06/2021 06:47

So I guess to not make a big deal of it.

I feel like asking would come across as a commentary on her teeth which I’d feel mortified about, otherwise, as far as she’s concerned, she’s given no indication that she likes a good session.

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 13/06/2021 06:50

"Hey, thanks for asking me to stay next weekend. Glad you think it's all going well. Can I please clear the air about something first? I'm really not a fan of weed smoking, and I just wondered if we're on the same page with that. I know it's pretty common these days, but it's just something I'm not keen on. Are there any 'deal-breakers' like that for you? I think it's good to have these chats early on, especially as I do very much like you."

sqirrelfriends · 13/06/2021 06:52

Just ask.

Teeth staining could be anything. The smell could be as simple as a body lotion she uses.

3Britnee · 13/06/2021 07:05

@sqirrelfriends

Just ask.

Teeth staining could be anything. The smell could be as simple as a body lotion she uses.

This. She might use CBD products.

Just ask her.

MoisterThanAnOyster · 13/06/2021 07:12

You seen fixated on her teeth. I’d just ask her ‘what’s your view on alcohol, smoking and drugs?’ It doesn’t have to start off as any kind of heavy conversation.

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