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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Awkward random comments about your size

53 replies

NothingIcando · 13/06/2021 01:18

Aibu to feel slightly bothered by this comment?

I was helping a friend with some DIY, during that time 2 couples arrived to the house to see my friend and friend's parents.

I am friendly with both couples but not an actual friend,said hello and carried on working.

One couple had their newborn (premature) baby with them.
Heard mum of baby and others talking from the next room about how tiny baby was etc.
I had finished up and was leaving, I came and stood at the door to say goodbye to all.

The lady from the other couple was holding the baby at the time whilst new mum was sitting on the floor and everyone else standing/sitting around.
I smiled and said ''wow she really is teeny tiny and so beautiful''.
Mum of baby responded ''What about you ?You're very tiny?!''.... 6 people were looking at me as if waiting for me to reply

I didn't know what to say so I just awkwardly repeated..'Yeah,she's so little'.

My friends mother then turned and said ''No,shes talking about you!''.....6 people are now looking me up and down. Still waiting for me to say something?? What was I supposed to say?? It was so awkward so I just said again 'ah, but the baby'' and nodded at her.
It was really awkward so I just smiled and said 'ok I'm off''!

Was that weird? Or am I just mad? I am petite. But..wasn't that very random? Was there a normal response I could have given?

In the grand scheme of things its really not a problem.

But it made me wonder,is it just socially acceptable to talk/ask someone about their body or size if they are smaller but not if they are bigger?
I dont think I've ever asked/commented on anybody's size or shape in general.

But did that sound like a usual thing to say ?

OP posts:

HelpMeh · 13/06/2021 02:08

I probably would've said "I'm not sure what you want me to say to that", because that would be the God's honest truth.

No idea what they wanted from you and calling a teeny baby teeny when everyone is discussing the same thing is hardly rude.

If I was your friend I probably would've made a stupid comment to break the weird.

EinAugenblickBitte · 13/06/2021 02:16

They were being weird OP, quite possibly semi-deliberately. Your reaction is how I would probably have reacted too-part feeling ambushed and partly just plain awkward. It is in my experience normal to comment on a baby's size, as a PP said people do it adoringly. Commenting on an adult's size however is just plain odd and really quite rude in this instance. I mean, how was she expecting you to respond?

georgarina · 13/06/2021 02:18

That's really weird OP...they ask you to come over and see how small the baby is, you say she's small and cute, and they say you're small?

Can't get my head around it tbh. I wouldn't have known what to say either - really confusing and just weird that they would call you over and then seemingly make an aggressive personal comment.

Susannahmoody · 13/06/2021 02:21

It's not the same! Comparing a premie to an adult?! If the baby was a little porker, would she have said, 'You too, you're a chubster, eh aren't ya? '

HarebrightCedarmoon · 13/06/2021 02:29

I agree with you, OP. It was a very bizarre and personal thing for them to say and they are definitely the ones being out of order. If you say "Aw, she's lovely!" and them replying "Well, you are pretty hot yourself." Very odd people.

Original poster

NothingIcando · 13/06/2021 02:34

Thanks people. Friends mum often comments in passing about how small I am. That's fine. I'm very short too.
But friends mum and the other lady (holding baby) are very large women(please try not to come down on me for now mentioning someone's weight or perhaps wording it wrong,I am trying not to offend anyone and not sure how to say it!!) I only mention this because the one holding the baby did look quite uncomfortable herself when the comment was made to me but still stared at me.. I just felt very weird with everyone looking at my body. Like adult weight suddenly became the topic when I thought we were all looking at the baby?

Also I was filthy so just felt a bit icky and self conscious anyway

OP posts:

Original poster

NothingIcando · 13/06/2021 02:39

If the baby was a little porker, would she have said, 'You too, you're a chubster, eh aren't ya?

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:

SaltySkulls · 13/06/2021 02:58

YANBU, they were talking about how tiny the baby was! That was a crazy reaction and it's nuts to me that no one said that to her.

LittleRa · 13/06/2021 04:37

I suppose if you were stuck for what to say, and didn’t want to say thank you, it could’ve gone:

Aww she’s so tiny
Well what about you? You’re tiny too!
Well I wasn’t premature when I was born, I was 7lbs! I’ve always been short though, my mum is 5 foot as well. How is baby sleeping?

(Asking how the baby sleeping is the absolute worst question for a new parent I have a 3 month old and it grinds my gears when people ask).

LittleRa · 13/06/2021 04:38

@Susannahmoody

It's not the same! Comparing a premie to an adult?! If the baby was a little porker, would she have said, 'You too, you're a chubster, eh aren't ya? '

My baby is a “porker” (healthy for a baby) and lots of people say to me “Awww she looks just like you!” And I say “Yes I know, we have matching double chins!”

User52739 · 13/06/2021 05:45

I think that is a weird comment, not sure what non-awkward response you could give!

cookiecreampie · 13/06/2021 11:03

I think the new mum has took offence where none was meant. You didn't do anything wrong OP. She sounds like she's been looking to take offence, maybe she's slightly neurotic and not doing well emotionally.

TwoAndAnOnion · 13/06/2021 11:15

It's one of those things - 'tiny baby' is an implied criticism. Why? because big(ger) babies have an associated historic implication that they are healthy, smaller babies are somehow 'fragile', and as you've said this baby is prem. Ok, so we all know this is a stereotype about big and small babies, however, you wait until you get to the mother and toddler groups and the school gate and the competitive sizing begins - whose baby is bigger, taller, what size clothes they are in, what centile, how much milk they drink, how often, what they eat, how early they started, etc. Bigger = better. Even though it isn't.

My friends mother then turned and said ''No,shes talking about you!''.....6 people are now looking me up and down. Still waiting for me to say something?? What was I supposed to say??

All the best things come in small packages.

username0489 · 13/06/2021 11:17

Weird start to the thread. If I said, 'Look how small the baby's fingernails are. Isn't she cute.' That means every single person in the room gets to ask me my weight? Some people like on a different planet.

I agree that they just sound like obnoxious twats. Who asks someone about their size like that? Keep away from them OP, they're barking.

ScottishNewbie · 13/06/2021 11:25

Most another viewpoint. Maybe the new mum is a tad bit self-conscious with baby weight and on an odd way was looking for you to be like "me? Yoire the tiny one, can't believe toive just had a baby". Often if people are self conscious about things they randomly bring the topic up, it's almost compulsive.

I could be WAAAAAY off base with that though

ScottishNewbie · 13/06/2021 11:26

Holy crap. I was typing one handed. Sorry about all the typos. How embarrassing

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 13/06/2021 11:27

I think it’s odd when people do this and I never know what to say; I’ve had this a few times after I had my DC (first was premature so the lack of weight gain was bittersweet and second was born in lockdown and I lost the weight before we really saw anyone) so when people have commented I never really know what to say and part of me wants to explain but then that also looks odd. A few years ago when I was younger and not so confident I was made to feel really uncomfortable about what I ate at work to the point that I stopped eating in the work break areas unless I was alone as a couple of people went on about it so much and sadly that’s effected how I feel if people make comments even now as I’m ready for some kind of nasty dig.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 13/06/2021 11:29

As in comments about what I ate and my weight despite being an average size 8/10

fourminutestosavetheworld · 13/06/2021 11:33

I wouldn't be surprised if the new mum wasn't kicking herself right now for saying something so daft and socially awkward.

I mean, we've all done that haven't we?

Especially as a new, sleep-deprived parent to a premature baby, currently rather preoccupied with size.

She was awkward, you replied rather awkwardly, such is life.

Original poster

NothingIcando · 13/06/2021 11:40

I wouldn't be surprised if the new mum wasn't kicking herself right now for saying something so daft and socially awkward yes! That's very possible. I suppose we're all awkwardly stepping through life! 😅

OP posts:

YukiCarrot · 13/06/2021 11:50

OP YANBU, they were just being weird and probably unconsiously defensive?

I am short, and a UK size 4, I get the unprovoked tiny comments too and it really bothers me as it always has a weird implied aggressiveness? If someone is ever genuinely complimenting me they just say 'slim', or 'trim' IMO.

I can't really describe it. I just think I would never say 'well what about you? You're really large/chubby aren't you?'

sambaa · 13/06/2021 11:54

This is such a very odd thread.

ChikiTIKI · 13/06/2021 12:16

Some people just say weird stuff like that. I don't know why and agree it's not OK.

Someone at my old workplace who I didn't know (I'm 50% sure of what her name was) used to randomly say to me "you need to get some fat on you".... Wtf?? I am a size 10,5ft 9,slim but definitely not under weight person.

Tinkling · 13/06/2021 12:37

A long time ago, when I was very thin, I attended a baby group and someone asked how old my DC was. I answered, and they commented that she was small for her age, followed with ‘ah but you’re very small yourself’. I have body dysmorphia and grumbled ‘I’m not that small’ to which they quickly answered with ‘no, no, but you’re slim’ - probably thought they’d offended me! Anyway, I tend to think it’s so rare to be slim these days, that people like to comment because firstly it’s a surprise, and secondly in the hope they get to hear your magic secret that they can easily do and be like you too. Just my experience anyway, and my thoughts - I always love to know how my slim friends are slim! Usually naturally / hard bloody work! There is no magic pill

TopBlogger · 13/06/2021 12:47

YANBU. Very strange people. It is normal to comment newborn's weight, especially if the mum has brought it up!

Unless we are going to start introducing people as "This is Maria, she is 11 stone 3lbs" then it is NOT normal to bring out adults sizes in conversations

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