Feel self-conscious and down about so many things at the moment

[Peppermint1288]

I know i'm fortunate to have a job, family, partner, roof over my head etc.

I just find that I'm taking things badly or feeling sensitive and upset.

I have a friend and I've realised she only texts me when she has work or boyfriend drama. We haven't met since October and she always skirts around it a little, even though she sometimes suggests it herself. I've deleted her number and stopped engaging with her. Anyway I commented to my boyfriend about how it must be so tiring to be constantly breaking up and getting back together like somebody which she's doing. He joked, "maybe we should do the same, then life might be a bit more exciting."

Another friend I went to uni with. I hadn't seen her in years, but she got in touch in March this year and said she'd moved back to the area, and suggested meeting. We met up for a walk for around an hour and it was nice, one or two silences but I thought we had gotten on well. She told me to let her know if I wanted to meet up again. So in May I messaged her and we arranged to meet. She cancelled 2 days before as she had family commitments, so we rearranged. Then cancelled again as she 'suddenly' remembered she had an event, could we do next week. Then she did the same, and I was getting frustrated at this point and asked what day could she actually do? She never replied and that was weeks ago now. Still posts online so I assume she just wasn't interested. I've just deleted her and moved on, I can only assume she didn't fancy meeting up but tried to be 'polite'.

Some friends, my boyfriend and even people that don't know me well have commented that I am 'reserved' and seem 'nervous' and 'self-conscious' when I'm talking to them or others. Even if I feel relaxed, they've said this. I have no idea how to rectify that, I've tried to record myself speaking and can't see it. It just makes me feel self-conscious, as well as the 'quiet and shy' comments. I think some people expect a massive personality and I haven't got that.
just feel a bit rubbish about all this and want to gain some confidence. I know there's nothing wrong with being quiet but I'm starting to feel self-conscious in my interactions.

getting back together with somebody*

Right maybe you are quieter maybe you aren’t a firework personality but real friends don’t keep pointing these things out and making you feel like there’s something wrong with you. I think you have reacted rightly deleting their numbers etc. As for your boyfriend, that’s not a nice thing to say to your partner even in jest. But maybe he just didn’t judge the situation well. I do feel for you but you can’t help what other people do, only what you yourself do.

People are shit I’ve literally lived my whole life and only have 2 friends I’m not related too 😂

Yes it was an insensitive joke, I asked him, is life not exciting then, and he said no no i'm only joking. Was a bit of a weird thing to say though.

Yes I've had it so much, yet if someone's very 'loud' it's never seen as a cause for concern, it's seen as a good thing mainly.

I went out with a friend and then a friend of hers, and this other girl said to my friend "You could tell she was really nervous."
Urgh, I wasn't, naturally I'm a bit more shy as I didn't know this girl, but so what?
I feel self-conscious about how I'm coming across and how my face looks now.

I know what you man I hate it when people make judgements about me like that. I’m a louder person but still feel so self conscious and shy, the minute your quieter people want to know what’s wrong or you’re pulling the mood down. In fairness though I’m probably older than you and married and don’t really socialise much just with my husband and family. I’ve got a little boy who is two yrs old and the great thing about him is he just accepts me for what I am. Maybe give your boyfriend a break but I’d ditch the friends x

Thanks for the advice. That sounds like you have a great family, I've ditched these 2 friends now luckily, well the one who kept cancelling clearly didn't want to meet up anyway.
People will always judge and comment but they seem to feel very qualified to do it towards me which I don't understand why. Maybe I come across as weak and a pushover too.

Not really sure how I can feel relaxed when meeting people?
The fact that they feel they have to point out my face and mannerisms only makes me feel more nervous and self-conscious.
I'm sure they mean it more out of concern than anything but funnily they never comment on themselves.