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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dislike being referred to as cute and sweet

16 replies

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:11

I'm 30, but have always looked younger and apparently come across this way too. I was offered a child's bus ticket recently, and where I work in a home for the elderly, some residents ask if I'm at college/uni etc.
Same in my last job at a school, I had people saying I looked like I was 'just out of high school' or that I 'looked like a student'.
I don't mind this so much, but I am frequently referred to as cute or sweet by strangers, and I find it patronising and a little annoying.

A few years back I was in Boots speaking to a lady on the make-up couinter about mascara. Out of nowhere she went, "Aww, you're so cute bless you."
My boyfriend works behind a bar and I went in there the other day. His female colleague showed me to my table and that was my only interaction with her. Apparently the next day she said to him, "Aww she's really sweet." I have no idea what it was based on as I had said all of 2 words to her. Again he told her I was making him dinner or something and she said again "She's so cute!".

I have had other men i've dated refer to me in this way. My boyfriend says it too, he even says I'm 'cute' when I'm mad.

I just think they're very generic words and I'd describe a baby or a puppy as cute and sweet. I wish people would describe me with a little more substance.

It's the same at my care home, I dislike hearing residents being referred to as cute just because they're elderly, or if an elderly couple hold hands, people completely go mad over it even though a 25 year old couple doing the same thing wouldn't garner any reaction at all.

I probably sound like a miserable cow but it's just annoying. I'm sure they don't mean it badly but I just dislike it. Does anybody else feel like this?

OP posts:
peanu · 12/06/2021 18:22

?

To dislike being referred to as cute and sweet
Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:31

Looks like I'm BU according to most. I just don't like it and I can't make myself, I will try to take it as a compliment I guess.

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 12/06/2021 18:35

I would hate this OP, I feel for you. I've never been called cute and sweet, because I'm neither - I'm tall, and looked about 25 the day after I hit puberty. It must be rubbish to be infantilised just because of the way you look.

Maybe you should use it to your advantage and become a criminal mastermind or something. No-one would ever suspect you.

Diggingaholeformyself · 12/06/2021 18:36

Four people think you're being unreasonable? This is why women are still seen as delicate little things, because of language like this!

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:37

Yes that's it it does feel like i'm being infantalised.
I'm not really sure what I can say in response to them.
Haha yes, maybe I should do that :D

OP posts:
Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:38

Yes I'd like somebody to write why they think I'm being unreasonable, I'm not saying they are wrong I just want to hear their point of view.

OP posts:
TheoMeo · 12/06/2021 18:39

y. His female colleague showed me to my table and that was my only interaction with her.
Truly?
You didn't smile sweetly and thank her?
Then I'm nonplussed.
Were you wearing a neat little dress and pony tail?
No
Then that is weird

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:40

It's like on that First Dates programme, if an elderly couple are being affectionate to one another Twitter blows up with people commenting 'sooo cute!' and so on. Why is it, just because they're older?

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 12/06/2021 18:40

It does sound a bit patronising and I’d not like it in the workplace but outside that I’d be less bothered. There’s worse people can say. I’m not cute in any way though so I can’t imagine anyone thinking that about me.

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:41

She was maybe just saying it to be nice to my boyfriend, but again just because I cooked him (us) dinner, the whole 'Aww so sweet.'

OP posts:
Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:41

Indeed there's a lot worse they could say, people always like to judge and have an opinion.

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 12/06/2021 18:47

Are you petite? I had this when I was younger (50 now) and it was fucking irritating, agree it's infantilising, people tend not to take your opinion seriously at work or socially and I would be mansplained the whole time. Such a bloody relief once I hit my 40s and got a few grey hairs and men started listening to what I had to say and treated me with respect.

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 18:50

Yes I'm quite petite, sorry to hear you had to go through that that sounds awful.
I just hate the whole 'aww bless' thing.
I think they think they're being complimentary by saying you look like a child/teen but they don't realise it's insulting.

OP posts:
NemesiaPinkLagoon · 12/06/2021 19:16

I've always hated the word 'cute' when used to describe an adult, I find it patronising and dismissive. I'm short and kind so often used to be called cute and it did my head in!

But I think for some people it just means 'nice', a generic compliment.

I'm a bit older now and haven't been called cute for a while which is great. I think I'm a bit less of a people pleaser too which probably helps! (Not saying you are of course!)

Peppermint1288 · 12/06/2021 19:39

Glad to see that it's not only me who finds it irritating.
Yes, i've definitely been a people pleaser before, but trying not to be.
I'll have to see how it plays out as I get older.

OP posts:
Justanticipating · 12/06/2021 20:00

At 30 and 4ft 11 I still get called this too and completely understand. YADNBU. Hate it.

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