He's homeless and 30 miles away...

[dullgrey]

Hi all, I'm hoping for some advice on my current situation.

Little bit of background, Ex and father of my 2 year old broke up 2 years ago. Our relationship has been rocky since I've been set on a co parenting friendship, him wanting a relationship. A lot of things happened between us and I will never get back into a relationship with him again.
About a year and a half ago my ex became homeless. His mother kicked him out the house and since then he has been sofa surfing. Living with friends or his sisters. Before the end of last year he would come to my house to see him son, but by October he was having regular contact at his sisters house. It was always a battle about how many days and when as he refused to get a job to support himself and his son to prevent losing one of his days. Eventually, around April he decided every weekend contact (just the day, not overnight as he was living at his sisters) was good enough and he got a job and started to get his life back on track. Well, so it seemed.

Unfortunately, two weeks ago his sister kicked him out and he's had to move 30-40 miles away (one way) to live with his other sister.

He had no job, no money and no proper home.

What should I consider regarding contact? It's not the furthest distance away in the world, but neither of us drive and he only gets UC.

He seems to just want to argue and cause more drama than arrange something properly and work towards moving back and being close to his son.

He's never had our son overnight and it's something I'm very reluctant about, even more so given the distant.

All advice welcome.

You can't force a good father/son relationship. If he wants to see his son then he'll make it happen, but ultimately, it doesn't sound like he's much of a role model does it? I don't know why you're forcing it tbh. Maybe you'd be better off raising your son on your own without EXs input IMO.

I would stop facilitating this. If he wants to see his son, he needs to arrange his life so he comes and gets him, I would also set every other weekend so you get a weekend off.

It is not down to you to be responsible for his relationship with his child.

Agree that he needs to sort out seeing his child, not you. You are not standing in his way, the ball is in his court.

I agree stop facilitating contact but make it clear that you child will be available between x times on x days to see her father. If he doesnt show up that's on him.

l'd also advise stop facilitating contact, as it's his responsibility to do so. He's sidelining himself and it's doubtful that he'll manage regular weekly contact in the longterm.
I'd therefore advise that you're very careful about how you talk to your son about his dad and about making him a very central person in his life at this stage. I say this so that it's not such a wrench to your son if contact lessens or stops in the future. Do ensure that you have plenty of photos of them together though, as he may treasure these in later years.
As ex partner is homeless at the moment, and doesn't have a place to take your son to etc. I'd be suggesting contact once a fortnight for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning. I'd expect him to come to your town, not for your son to have to travel to him.
I'd keep a diary of how contact goes, and reassess in three or six months time if neccessary.
Sorry to sound rather negative and cynical, but it sounds like your ex has a heap of problems and is unlikely to be able to maintain a reliable and stable relationship with your son. All your efforts need to be concentrated on what's best for your son, not ex partner.