DLA guilt

[Opal93]

I’ve posted a few threads before about how guilty I felt for claiming DLA for my autistic son, and many people felt the same, both people on MN and whom I’ve spoken to IRL and many people actually admitted they put off applying completely because of how guilty they felt. I am slowly feeling a lot less guilty, this may be because we have had a very tough few weeks with my son and compare him to a typical child his age and it’s blatantly obvious he struggles, also I’ve stopped seeing it as “getting money for looking after him” and more as “his money” as it’s for him, and it actually has improved his quality of life so that has definitely eased the guilt. But I do wonder what contributes to so many people having guilty feelings towards receiving disability benefits. Could it be negative attitude from others? I’ve had a lot of people query why my son gets it when he’s “not that bad” or “can walk on his own”. Is it filling in the dreaded form where you have to face the reality of how delayed your child truly is? Also I think for me it was because life with my son is so “normal” to us and so I didn’t feel like we were doing anything out of the ordinary but in actual fact we have to do so so much more, and now that his younger brother is much more independent than him that hits home a lot more.

I don’t feel guilty at all, although I have had rude comments on MN as I don’t work, despite being a carer you are still shamed for not working.

My guilt in recieving DLA for DS is because he's not disabled.

He JUST has permanent O2 via nasal cannula. He JUST has two feeds a day via PEG. He ONLY goes for routine scan and bloods and X Ray once a year and we're down to JUST respiratory, cardio, surgical consultants plus developmental paed, dietician, bowel nurse and SALT. We MIGHT end up with a review for neuro developmental stuff. He started eating orally at about 3 and talking by 3.5 although it's still a LITTLE delayed at 6.

So really we do hardly any different to what any parent of a typical kid does. He's practically average.

🙄

@LoopTheLoops

I don’t feel guilty at all, although I have had rude comments on MN as I don’t work, despite being a carer you are still shamed for not working.

Except receiving carers counts as working so they're talking crap. We got 30 hours nursery available because both parents worked aka DH in employment and me on carers. It just counts as incredibly poorly paid work!

I helped a family member get PIP recently. He has significant mental health although to see him you wouldn't think there was anything "wrong".

He and I felt guilt over it, but in honesty since the pandemic much less so. I've seen people we know who have thought nothing about taking government grants for being "out of work" whilst continuing to work cash in hand on the side. Making £1000's every few months.

These are the same people who bang on about people who claim benefits before this all happened!

It taught me that if everyone else had the opportunity to claim. They would. You go through a difficult assessment to get a claim awarded so if they think it's owed, then it should be.

Guilt is a completely wasted emotion and benefits no one. You need to learn how to let it go. You are doing what you need to do for your son. End of. It's nothing to do with anyone else. Be confident that you are making good decisions for him and ignore other peoples opinions.

I voted YANBU for claiming. It has nothing to do with anyone else's opinions. Also, if you told the truth on the forms, and qualified as a result, then the claim is justified. You are probably making life with your son look easy because you are such good parents and not bemoaning the extra time and effort it takes to achieve everyday things that others take for granted. People make assumptions and are frankly sometimes very ignorant and mean spirited. Keep claiming, you sound like a lovely mum 🌟

We are the same with our son. Do you just not reapply again when the letters come

Your child wouldn't have been awarded the DLA if he didn't qualify so try not to feel guilty. My daughter (5) has 22q11.2 deletion syndrome, and gets high rate care and low rate mobility. To look at she seems a healthy, capable 5 year old but that just is not case and people do not see what goes on behind closed doors

I don't feel guilty for getting DLA for my children. They are both adopted and have ADHD and one has ASD. They need specialist hobby groups that cost more, they go through clothes and possessions more than a typical child, even though they are teenagers they are less independent so still need lifts etc. I really wouldn't feel guilty.