To not want to spend time with family?

[DSGBT]

The best thing about lockdown for me was not having to go to big family get togethers! I have a large family, immediate family alone is 15 people. When we are all together it’s noisy, loud to the point you can’t talk to someone over the noise of everyone else. We have to have a massive amount of food at every ‘event’ (of which there is one nearly every weekend) so costs a fortune each time adding to the food and taking drink (I rarely drink, DH does and I drive). We can’t go in the house at the moment so sat outside in boiling sun. I honestly only go because my kids love it but the thought of spending another Sunday at another bloody BBQ is driving me mad! I’m fine seeing people in smaller groups but altogether is just too much. I don’t even think any of the female adults enjoy it as we end up sorting all the food and kids and my SiL barely speaks to any of us anyway! It will be the same next weekend for Father’s Day and again the weekend after if the restrictions are lifted.

Just because you're invited doesn't mean you have to go. Or tell your kids that it's happening. Why on earth would you want to see the same group of people week after week?
No thanks - we've got other plans. No thanks - we need a weekend at home. That should cover it.

Just book things in the diary so you aren't available?

Just say no you want a weekend at home.
Can someone else takes the kids if they love it?

DH and I said "no" to all that palaver many years before covid.

Life is so much simpler and stress free without having to dread the next invite.

Just say "no" OP. Honestly you won't regret it.

Trust me I would love to say that. If it was friends I would but this is immediate family. It’s kind of expected now, how things have been done since I was little. This weekend I will go as it is my nephew’s birthday so that’s fair enough.

@DSGBT

Trust me I would love to say that. If it was friends I would but this is immediate family. It’s kind of expected now, how things have been done since I was little. This weekend I will go as it is my nephew’s birthday so that’s fair enough.

Obviously go to the birthday party this weekend, but after that you can say no when you want to. You are an adult. I'm struggling to see the point of this thread as you aren't willing to change things.

Could you maybe suggest that the men do all of the work for the next meet up? It doesn't sound fair that it's all on the women. If you want to drink then also make sure your DH is fair about who drives!

Just say no or don’t go.

And if you have a large immediate family you don't have to go to allllll birthdays - just start making other plans. You are allowed to say no or let DH take the kids and do something for yourself

I’m just venting more than anything, other people must feel the same sometimes? Do you find it hard to say though no? I guess that’s my problem, I know what to say and that I should say no but how do you do that and not feel bad about it? Because I would!

How old are you OP? I do find it's easier to say no the older you get!

I’m 36. I’ve said to DH about choosing somewhere to go for Father’s Day so we can say we have plans! He is happy with that! But long term I will struggle with this!

I'm from large family and it got out of control so it became a horrible chore instead of a happy visit. Try to suggest that everyone with a birthday is celebrated together with one large shared cake on (e.g.) the last Sunday of the month for two hours max. If a special occasion falls that month as well (e.g. father's day) then that is folded into the group birthday. You might even be lucky and there will be no birthdays one month and you'll get time off. E.g. my MIL, FIL, DH are all Sept. One quick gathering. My 2 DB, BIL, and 2SIL 1DN are March, if Easter falls in March that year that's when you exchange all the Easter eggs for all DNs, DC for home distribution later.
For this year - next week: Father's day- send all the fathers and children together to the event and all you wives, mothers and female partners stay home where it's quiet! That should make up for all the bullshit you had to facilitate for Mother's Day because I rarely see men do the work for that either.

YABU to complain when you dont have to go, because you don't .

OP I could have written your post word for word!

I dread being invited to family gatherings, I’ve got 16 in my immediate family and although I love them all dearly, but they’re so noisy and loud that I can’t cope with it.

If I really can’t face going out with them all I just simply say “Sorry we can’t come we’ve already got plans but hope you have a great night”.

I’m sure I get slagged off behind my back but I’m not arsed!