"Thank you's"

[Zzzmumzzz]

AiBU to expect a thank you call/text/message a week after giving my nephew £50 for his 18th? (given by hand via his mum before the actual day along with a bottle of fizz for a family toast as I was away on holiday.) Years ago as a child I remember being sat down by my mother to write thank you cards to post. I realise things have moved on and our lives are busy but I am feeling a bit grumpy about it.

Things may have moved on, but of course someone should say thank you for a gift.

I would I check with the person you left them with that they have indeed been given.

Did you send him a happy birthday message via text or social media? If not, it may be worth sending one to say "Hope you for your gift ok and had a great day". That will bounce him into a Thankyou.

I do remind my teenagers to send thank you's but they wouldn't remember independently. My brother has 7 children and I never get thankyou's from them, but I put that down to their parents being too busy to remind them. However, if I message them to say Happy Birthday I always get a Thankyou. It's more personal than a card/gift in the post.

I would expect a text, yes. I think it’s probably quite common not to get one these days though!

Thank you. I did text him on the day but didn't get a reply. His sister (whose birthday was earlier) did text me as a thank you for her gift.

@Zzzmumzzz

Thank you. I did text him on the day but didn't get a reply. His sister (whose birthday was earlier) did text me as a thank you for her gift.

That's really rude. Next year don't bother

YANBU, I buy for all the nieces and nephews and rarely get a thank you. I'm tempted to stop bit feel sorry for the little ones that won't understand why!

Things may have moved on from thank you notes (and he’s 18 anyway) but saying thank you never goes out of style imo. He absolutely should have thanked you by now.

Stop now he's 18 anyway. He should have thanked you, he was rude not to.

My parents never instilled the need to give prompt thank yous do I often forgot. It took me until my twenties to get into the habit myself. Now I cringe at the forgotten thank yous. I always make sure DC write within a week or so.

I have a niece like this and it really pisses me off. I give her money every year for her birthday and for Christmas and I don't remember that last time I even got an acknowledgement let alone a thank you. She'll be 26 this year, still in school working on first degree being supported by her wealthy parents, god knows when she will graduate but I will no doubt send a gift for that, and I will send a gift for the upcoming birthday and again at Christmas. I haven't stopped because my sister and I are very close and I know she will be hurt if I do. My other niece is the complete opposite, always sends a nice thank you note and thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

YANBU
However, my nieces and nephews rarely thank me for any gifts i give them. I'm not sure whether people just don't do 'Thank You's' anymore, or that my siblings instilled no manners into their children.

Ugh, yes, rude! I do remind my children to say thank you. I don't mind how they do it - in person, text, email phone call or card. I know my ageing parents would prefer a letter/card but a thank you is a thank you!

It seems to have sunk in. When I remind my 16 year old he usually confirms he has already done it. In the past I have said if people think their presents aren't appreciated they might not get you any more!

An 18 year old shouldn't need to be reminded to send a thank you text.

Don't give him any gifts or money in future.

@pigandmonkey

I have a niece like this and it really pisses me off. I give her money every year for her birthday and for Christmas and I don't remember that last time I even got an acknowledgement let alone a thank you. She'll be 26 this year, still in school working on first degree being supported by her wealthy parents, god knows when she will graduate but I will no doubt send a gift for that, and I will send a gift for the upcoming birthday and again at Christmas. I haven't stopped because my sister and I are very close and I know she will be hurt if I do. My other niece is the complete opposite, always sends a nice thank you note and thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

Just stop then. You seem to barely know this person and not even like them that much 🤷‍♀️

My nephew is exactly the same. Niece sent a Thank You text occasionally.
I stopped with birthday presents at age 25 because of this. I now just send a card and a text on the day.

We stop presents once nieces/nephews reach 18 as it's usually money by then and quite impersonal. My sister and I stopped buying for each other a few years back when we both admitted to struggling to find something appropriate (she turned vegan overnight and didn't appreciate the real sponge I had posted for her birthday). We always sat our children down to write thank-you notes and they do the same with their children - I'd be happy with a thoughtful text but, as most of their schoolwork is on a pc now, the handwriting practice is good for them. If you don't get a thank-you, blame the parents who brung them up wrong.

O don't expect a thank you letter anymore but I do expect a thank you text.
YANBU at all.
Rude.

My DIL never responds to gifts - and often ignores messages. Just rude. Now although I feel like simply not bothering with buying for her I also feel that doing this would be a snub that could well cause more bad felling than it's worth.

So rude. When you receive anything from anyone, you should say thank you. I hate bad manners. I was brought up to say thank you, I taught my son the same and am now teaching my granddaughter the same. If I get her a drink and she's watching TV, I stand there til she says thank you.
Bad manners are my bugbear, though. Yesterday, I stepped aside so a woman and her toddler could walk on, and she didn't say thank you. It really annoyed me ( a perfect opportunity to teach your child manners).
Sorry for the rant, but I really hate bad manners.

Very rude, we don’t get any thank yous from DH niece and nephew, young adults, don't understand why they can’t send a quick text. My similar age DC just ask for relevant phone numbers and then send texts out.

My youngest has just had a significant birthday and she will be doing written thank yous during the coming week. Whilst a text is fine generally, I do think a written thank you is nice for significant gifts/birthdays. Her godmother (my long term friend) has told me many times how she appreciates being thanked by my DC when some of her relatives never even acknowledge gifts.