To wonder how many divorces cycling is a factor in?

[Sugarcoatedalmond]

I cycle myself, as does DP. We both do other sports / clubs too & each have approximately one evening per week plus a few hours at a weekend to ourselves. We’ve both cut back on our “hobby” time since having kids though. So just to be clear I have nothing whatsoever against cyclists.

However, so many of the cycling blokes we know are regularly doing all day rides (think 100 miles plus, plus coffee/lunch breaks). They do this most weekends, plus weekday rides sometimes too.

DP asked how the ones with young kids get away with it.

I responded that I bet there’s some pretty unhappy wives/partners behind the scenes and the blokes shouldn’t be too cocksure of themselves as there’s regularly women posting on here about obsessive cycling partners & being told to LTB.

With cycling having a massive spike in popularity at the moment, AIBU to wonder how many break ups it contributes to?

[LolaSmiles]

Brissiegirl
Well said on the MAMIL part. There is something unpleasant about the way some posters on cycling threads think it's acceptable to mock other people's bodies, any perceived lack of athleticism, and how they look in appropriate sporting gear.
You and I both know they'd be frothing if someone posted laughing at how a women's running club look in their running clothes, or at how round and wobbly the bellies of people at the swimming pool are, but for some reason some people think it's fine to ridicule cyclists in this way.

A sizable minority of the posters on here seem to have weird attitudes towards exercising and people who exercise though.

[DK123]

@arabesque7 I don't know! I have no idea how much a bike costs. I just meant did the average DH around the country who has all the right gear and takes cycling seriously. I've no idea what bikes cost

[Topia]

Why are people so utterly obsessed in general by fitness these days?!!! It’s so fucking irritating and boring……..listening to colleagues/friends/acquaintances droning on about their yoga or their bike-gear, or how far they ran at the weekend. What irritates me specifically about the fitness craze is that I suspect it’s all related to ego somewhere along the line as a pose to just getting healthy, which would of course, be fine.

Can’t stand egotistical fitness fanaticism. Look at me, I cycle to work every day (and back,) and then I run 100 miles every day before breakfast. I also wear tight-fitting Lycra (which, on a man is a cardinal sin in itself) and I do my Tai-chi in public spaces at the weekend so everyone taking a walk in the park can see me. I’m sure they need, & want to see me. Look how effortlessly I do all of these wanky sporty things all at once. Wearing nauseating Lycra.

FFS. No-one normal cares.

(Sorry OP, I’ve missed the point of your thread.)

[HeronLanyon]

Oh iforgot that made me laugh. I can imagine - both sides - the obsessive and the bored.

[DumbestBlonde]

@AgeLikeWine

Probably quite a few, but fewer than the number of divorces caused by horses. Now there’s a proper time-consuming, money-pit of a hobby.

That was me - and my fault. I threw myself into a world I had fantasised about since being a little kid. I also didn't have much faith in the yard where I was keeping him, so we as a family were drawn into a very time-consuming arrangement. My XH got quite bored quite quickly and started an affair wth someone laughably called a best friend.

I remember at one point, I offered to part with the horse, and was told, "Too little, too late".

All costs were met by me, but my XH controlled every other aspect of life. When things were really bad, he came out in the car with our daughter and just left her with me, on my horse, at the side of the road. No easy way to get back but she was quite happy on the front of the saddle (horse was a sweetheart but you never know.....). It was just another way for him to control what I did.

He, on the other hand, gave up all his hobbies when we married. And I didn't want or ask him to.... I was marrying what I thought was some kind of Action Man (Abseiling, Parachuting ---- oh, and golf); he swapped it for the pub 6 nights a week.

By the time I got my horse, I was going mad with frustration. We were only 25, and I felt as though we were on the edge of old age.

[Glittertwins]

If he goes on a long ride, DH is usually up and out the house by 5am in the summer. Back before the rest of us are out of bed at weekends!

[cupsofcoffee]

@Wearywithteens

My theory is that the Lycra clad peacocks are such dicks that their wives are genuinely glad to have them out of the house for as long as possible. It’s the only explanation for why women put up with them.

Would you say the same about female cyclists? Are they lycra-clad diks too?

[DumbestBlonde]

@Topia

Why are people so utterly obsessed in general by fitness these days?!!! It’s so fucking irritating and boring……..listening to colleagues/friends/acquaintances droning on about their yoga or their bike-gear, or how far they ran at the weekend. What irritates me specifically about the fitness craze is that I suspect it’s all related to ego somewhere along the line as a pose to just getting healthy, which would of course, be fine.

Can’t stand egotistical fitness fanaticism. Look at me, I cycle to work every day (and back,) and then I run 100 miles every day before breakfast. I also wear tight-fitting Lycra (which, on a man is a cardinal sin in itself) and I do my Tai-chi in public spaces at the weekend so everyone taking a walk in the park can see me. I’m sure they need, & want to see me. Look how effortlessly I do all of these wanky sporty things all at once. Wearing nauseating Lycra.

FFS. No-one normal cares.

(Sorry OP, I’ve missed the point of your thread.)

I do just want to chime in about the public exercising. A "few" years ago, I trained as an (ahem) aerobics instructor. I could NOT get anyone to practise with (another story) but another trainee joined me and we did some of out routines at the a local NT property (I had connections.... ),

That place was not as busy then as it would be now.... So we did our little routines under the trees in a grassy area. We didn't care who saw us. Well. A lot of biting, flying creatures did - Christ..... when I took the exam (this was the days of , forgive me for the vision, a thong leotard over short lycra shorts ---- go me....) I was covered from ankle to well, God knows where with sooooo many bug bites. Quite unattractive :o/

[LolaSmiles]

Topia
You actually believe that people would give up their time, spend their money and wear themselves out for the benefit of strangers and colleagues? I'd love to know how you know that people are driven by ego.

I've thought many things after a suitably wanky run in a park and stretching after, in my 'nauseating lycra', but unfortunately for you they're mainly man I need a cold drink, is the ice cream van open, I really need to sort my quads out this week. When colleagues ask what I've done on the weekend, I tell them I did parkrun. It's no different to them saying they had day drinks, or took the kids out, or had their mum over. I can't imagine anyone getting irate because I shared my weekend involved a run.

People talk about their weekends all the time at work. Some days I have to hear colleagues talking about a boxset they're all watching that I'm not interested in. Sometimes i hear about people's fitness. Sometimes I hear about people's travel plans, or

[Glittertwins]

I don't understand the animosity towards what cyclists wear. How can I ride a bike in jeans (really uncomfortable) and t-shirt which isn't designed for activity?
Cycling or gym gear is designed to be comfortable when active and wicks always sweat.

[TroysMammy]

Didn't get divorced because he went out cycling but it was a factor of divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour. He was always in and out of jobs because

1. he was workshy
   
2. when the weather was good he couldn't go out on his bike and get a tan
   
3. when he was working he would take out a loan to buy an expensive bike
   
4. when he wasn't working and could not afford to pay the loan he would flog the bike for peanuts
   
5. he would get another job and excuse the pun the cycle would start from 3) again.
   
6. he did fuck all around the house because he would either be sporadically working, the sun was out, he was in "training", his bike needed cleaning, he was too tired.
   
7. Then in addition it was motorbikes. Points 1-6 replace bike/cycle for motorbike and add in out with the boys up the cafe, pronounced caff.
   
   I was a fucking mug and was married 12 years, worked full time annual salary about £14k, paid the mortgage, food, bills and run a car. Luckily we didn't have children and the loans were in his name only.
   
   When I did the diy divorce and he was sent a copy, I had typed it out, he said "look what someone has written about me". I replied "yes it was me and if you don't agree with it you need to reply". He never contested it because it was all true.
   
   As he said I also "got the house". Yes the house I paid the mortgage from day one with no contribution from him and continued to pay for it until the 25 year mortgage was paid off.

[arabesque7]

I don’t understand why some people on MN are so vitriolic about cyclists. If you’re not married to a cyclist - why would you remotely give a hoot? All they’re doing is riding a bike fgs. Hardly criminal behaviour. They are keeping fit (mentally and physically) and they enjoy it. So what? Some men just sit on their arses playing Xbox or sit in the pub watching sport rather than doing it. Yet, only men who cycle are the “bad fathers, neglecting family duties” or whatever . Not the useless slobs who may well be at home, but nevertheless do sod all anyway!

[UpSlyDown]

I agree it’s more the attitude that counts than the activity. I have noticed for a lot of friends as pp have said pre kids each of the couple had their own interests and hobby’s etc but the woman’s tends to fall by the wayside as they prioritise the children/family where’s men always seem able to prioritise themselves and their protected time and hobbies.

A similar example- my husband is a keen gardener. He grows flowers, has a large veg patch, does all sorts. People seem to see the garden split into ‘his’ and ‘mine’, mine being the part with the swings, slide, paddling pools, mud kitchen. My interests are one and the same as the children while he gets his own hobby people comment on. Drives me mad.

[LateAtTate]

LOL at everyone here saying that exercise is addictive..if it was more people would do it 😂

[year3k]

I got divorced and cycling was a major contender

[forinborin]

Yes, was a contribution to mine - I gave birth to my oldest on my own as exH just had to go on a six weeks cycling expedition. Felt a bit off.

[cupsofcoffee]

@LateAtTate

LOL at everyone here saying that exercise is addictive..if it was more people would do it 😂

Well, no. That's a bit like saying "if alcohol was addictive, everyone would be an alcoholic".

Not everyone finds the same things enjoyable or addictive. Just because YOU don't find exercise addictive, doesn't mean other people don't.

It's well-proven that the endorphins you get from exercise are addictive.

[ChewedClickyPen]

My DH cycles, and I have now recently taken it up. He encourages me and I encourage him. He has actually just treated me to a load of gadgetry so I am safe when I am out and know where I am so I don't get lost.

There was a point I was horribly resentful and it did cause rows but when we dug into it, it wasn't the cycling that was the issue. I was jealous he had outside interests and spent money on them. There was nothing stopping me from doing that and having time to myself, just me and my inability to do things away from kids/house/work without guilt. Once I realised that was the issue, I got my own interests and started taking time out and my DH has been supportive and encouraging the whole way. Now I cycle as well, I understand the love of it.

[CroneAVirus]

@onemouseplace

Totally agreed. It just didn't seem to click for DH when DC1 was tiny and I was on mat leave at home all week with them on my own, that him going for an 8 hour ride on a Sunday because he was training for something or other basically left me at home, yet again, on my own. And no, I couldn't take the same amount of time for myself as we would then never have spent any time together.

I resented it so much that now, even though the DC are much older and he has dropped cycling as much, it's the biggest bone of contention in our marriage by a long way. The resentment I felt is still there and comes up every so often. And actually, DH doesn't see that if he had been more reasonable at the start, then he would probablt have more leeway now to enjoy his hobby.

I understand all of this. Know exactly what you mean.

[ChewedClickyPen]

For the record though, my DH would never prioritise cycling above important events, or if he was needed at home. If he chose cycling over the birth of our child, I would kick him out.

[Brissiegirl]

@DK123 out of approx 50 active cyclists in our club, the bikes range in price from about 1k to 3k. Don't know how that compares to cost of golf clubs but like every sport or hobby, some people pay reasonable costs, some go for the high end spec - skoda vs ferrari.

[Pedallleur]

Price for a bike is whatever you want to pay. Can be £12k and a set of deluxe high end wheels £5k. Now if you earn a six figure salary it isn't a lot but a good bike can be 2k. Depends what you want and how much you have. Can get a car for 2k or 200k both do the same thing just the price is aimed differently.

[CovidCorvid]

@DK123

Out of curiosity, what sort of amount of money might men spend on a "hobby" like cycling? I see a lot of talk about "expensive hobbies" and it always turns out to be cycling. I wondered what people actually spend?

Can’t talk for men but as a woman I can answer.

I have 7 bikes. Most expensive was 3k secondhand. A pair of decent bib shorts can be £200. A cycling jersey £120. I have numerous shorts and jerseys. Numerous jackets, gloves are £40ish. Helmet £150. Bike computer £200.

People are always upgrading stuff….wheels, tyres, pedals, new shoes, etc.

[LateAtTate]

@cupsofcoffee yes, but nobody needs to be forced into drinking so they? ‘Most people’ enjoy it. Whereas ‘most people’ don’t enjoy exercise, they tolerate it for the health benefits.

Not saying that exercise addiction isn’t real but as pp have pointed out a lot of men are too selfish to bother with the impact that their hobby has on other people. If it wasn’t exercise it would be something else...

[JellyBabiesFan]

My partner loves cycling although being a father he is aware that he cannot go out on both Saturday and Sunday for hours on end. He voluntarily goes out at about 6am so I am only parenting alone for an hour or so.

If any of your partners or husbands take the mick by doing out for hours on end during the day causing you to struggle with parenting you need to make a stand. At some point during the day head out for a couple of hours and leave them with your children. A friend did this and her partner always discussed his cycling plans after that.