To wonder how many divorces cycling is a factor in?

[Sugarcoatedalmond]

I cycle myself, as does DP. We both do other sports / clubs too & each have approximately one evening per week plus a few hours at a weekend to ourselves. We’ve both cut back on our “hobby” time since having kids though. So just to be clear I have nothing whatsoever against cyclists.

However, so many of the cycling blokes we know are regularly doing all day rides (think 100 miles plus, plus coffee/lunch breaks). They do this most weekends, plus weekday rides sometimes too.

DP asked how the ones with young kids get away with it.

I responded that I bet there’s some pretty unhappy wives/partners behind the scenes and the blokes shouldn’t be too cocksure of themselves as there’s regularly women posting on here about obsessive cycling partners & being told to LTB.

With cycling having a massive spike in popularity at the moment, AIBU to wonder how many break ups it contributes to?

[RocksOnTheHill]

Ah, I was going to add all day cricket to the list but I see someone has beaten me to it. We lose my husband/the kid's daddy to it for a day every weekend from April to October. And I massively resent it because it takes away family time. I'm often asked why I don't take the other weekend day for myself. Because I want us to spend time as a family!

[cupsofcoffee]

@THisbackwithavengeance

I am exhausted reading all the lists of hobbies onhere.

I work and have 3 kids. By the time DH and I have worked FT (flexi hours), sorted kids out, sorted the house out, laundry, shopping and life admin, I just want to put the telly on and maybe manage a walk.

How do people find time to pursue hobbies like this?

Weekends and evenings - one of you watches the DC, the other does a hobby and you switch the next night.

Or you each take a weekend morning/afternoon each to do a hobby.

[HeronLanyon]

Sorry everyone I have to get this off my chest. Used to live on a major cycle network thing in the Thames. Came to absolutely loathed the hundreds and hundreds of braying entitled SW London Lycra’d obscenely expensive bikes weekend male cyclists who have basically taken over various parts slinging bikes everywhere and braying (lots of this clearly) into mobiles etc etc. Before setting off in packs of ugliness and making the towpath dangerous for every single person old young fit infirm who dares so want to use it also.
I’m sorry never unreasonable on mn. All very unfair I know. Know there will be lovely cyclists. Really triggering. Will go lie down.

[thecatsthecats]

@Soupforoneplease

Just a question, do some women feel unhappy as they are generally less into hobbies, their hobbies involve the children or they put the family first? I don't know the answer just asking. I have no hobbies and I would love one, or just some time to myself!

Childless here, but of my husband and I, I'm the one with hobbies, especially that take me out of the home.

Well, writing is a hobby and I see exercise as essential - which it is! My husband has football though, which HAS to take a whole afternoon, whereas I can do an hour at a time. I wish he had more hobbies that took him out of the home!

I will definitely be the one wanting to escape the house for hours at a time once we have kids.

[HeronLanyon]

Sorry that rant was to say as far as I am concerned in many cases it’s not the cycling, it’s the men.

[neveradullmoment99]

@joystir59

It's healthy for couples to spend time apart doing what they each love and developing good friendships as part of that time apart. Each person needs to grow and develop as an individual in order to have inner strength, self awareness, good self esteem as these qualities are needed in order to develop and grow together in a good strong relationship.

while this is true sometimes relationships grow and develop apart.
I know someone that had an affair through his cycling. They are now divorced after many years.

[GravityFalls]

Hobbies can be really great things - my exH only really liked to watch Tv and play computer games and it just felt so slobbish and lazy. Really unattractive.

My DP has a wide range of interests and things to fill his time and I like that I rarely see him slobbed out doing nothing. But equally he won’t spend the whole day away from me if there’s a better time to do it - he likes to fish but will choose a day when he’s not working and I am, or he pops to the pub one evening a week to play darts. Nothing that’s hours and hours away when I’m left struggling alone. Equally there’s no bother about me heading out for a run any time I want or practicing piano for a bit without disturbance. It’s a nice balance of personal time and family time. The problem isn’t hobbies as such, it’s selfishness.

[Dacquoise]

I agree it's not the sport or hobby, it's the attitude to parenting and domestic responsibilities that kill marriages. My exhusband played a lot of cricket and football, then golf which dominated most weekends before we had children. And carried on exactly the same after to avoid being at home or doing the drudge work. He used up most of his annual leave taking days off during the week to play even more sport and lied about it.

When we divorced he wouldn't alter his sporting schedule on weekends when he was supposed to be taking care of our daughter. Unknown to me she was left home alone for big chunks of the day even though she was scared. She started taking our dogs with her for company. He also palmed her off on a complete stranger when he he took her on a holiday abroad so he could play golf with someone he had just met. Also went radio silent when a sleepover she was supposed to be going to on his weekend got cancelled. Thankfully I hadn't left for my weekend away with friends so could collect her. Complete and utter selfish bastard. She no longer sees him.

[1forAll74]

My late Husband used to play golf, tennis,and badminton,and I didn't mind at all. I don't think it's necessary for a couple to be glued together all the time. and there is plenty of time for family time. From what I can see these days,children seem to prefer their gadgets,so not so bothered about so called family time in general.

[HarrietHairbrush]

@poppycat10

The thing is, it really doesn't have to take up so much time, but the clubs are run largely by men, largely for men. That doesn't mean that they don't welcome women, I've never felt unwelcome at my local cycle club at all, but the rides are all sooooo long. They do one shorter ride a month and the rest are all long ones - at least two hours and usually longer.

Breeze is great for women but covid seems to have killed my local group. That used to be an hour's ride on a Thursday night - perfect.

What is breeze?

[HarrietHairbrush]

My brother in law has a theory that all the MAMILs use cycling as a way of using up testosterone as they aren’t getting enough sex 👀😂

[Parker231]

DH and I both have hobbies, jointly and separately however family and each other comes first.

[HarrietHairbrush]

@Dacquoise

I agree it's not the sport or hobby, it's the attitude to parenting and domestic responsibilities that kill marriages. My exhusband played a lot of cricket and football, then golf which dominated most weekends before we had children. And carried on exactly the same after to avoid being at home or doing the drudge work. He used up most of his annual leave taking days off during the week to play even more sport and lied about it.

When we divorced he wouldn't alter his sporting schedule on weekends when he was supposed to be taking care of our daughter. Unknown to me she was left home alone for big chunks of the day even though she was scared. She started taking our dogs with her for company. He also palmed her off on a complete stranger when he he took her on a holiday abroad so he could play golf with someone he had just met. Also went radio silent when a sleepover she was supposed to be going to on his weekend got cancelled. Thankfully I hadn't left for my weekend away with friends so could collect her. Complete and utter selfish bastard. She no longer sees him.

Bloody hell this sounds dreadful

[Willlowbanks]

@thecatsthecats if you do have kids I'm willing to bet that the football stays and your hour of exercise here and there doesn't. Tends to be how it works...

[ShivRoy]

[quote tatkin]There’s a great Half Man Half Biscuit song about it

[/quote]
This is amazing!

[Dacquoise]

It was and I still bristle everything I see cricketers, golfers and the swarms of male cyclists out and about family free on weekends.

[thelonggame]

my STBXH took up cycling when our kids were older so generally didn't effect family life and I bloody loved him being out a few hours at the weekend.
It was was the alcoholism and porn addiction that killed the marraige.

My old nextdoor neighbour - her DH took up jogging and would go out most nights and weekends at the drop of a hat - but one night when she said she was going to go out herself for a run he told her she couldn't because she had't arranged any child care.
No idea why she stayed with him.

[Pyewackect]

Duty? Fuck that. Who wants to do duties in their spare time.

....... that's why they join a cycling club !!!!.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

@NDSandG

My DH goes out for up to half the day on a Sunday and I'm not that happy about it as it generally means we can't do anything as a family until about 2pmish after he arrives home, makes a protein smoothy, spends an hour looking at strava, another hour on loo followed by shower.....
Also turbos most nights in garage. Regardless don't think it would result in divorce. It helps to keep him healthy and I'd rather he cycles that propping up the bar somewhere.

It doesn't have to be one or the other!

[DK123]

Out of curiosity, what sort of amount of money might men spend on a "hobby" like cycling? I see a lot of talk about "expensive hobbies" and it always turns out to be cycling. I wondered what people actually spend?

[HeronLanyon]

Closest bike shop to me (mid range adult only racing big shop central London) have a lot of bikes around 1k then far more around 2.5-3k then more going up to 7-8k. These are their ‘range’. Their custom bike are more expensive. Was walking by the other day and saw one for 13k in the window.
Don’t begrudge someone spending money they’ve earned on a hobby they love - I do the same. The bike is just the start. The clothes, the transport, the bike racks, the shoes, the ‘gear’ the travel etc etc. Others will know better.

[arabesque7]

“Out of curiosity, what sort of amount of money might men spend on a "hobby" like cycling? I see a lot of talk about "expensive hobbies" and it always turns out to be cycling. I wondered what people actually spend?”

Well obviously it totally depends. How much are they going to depend on a bike -£500? £20,000? Are they just doing a few laps of Richmond Park on a Sunday, or is it a one-week tours of eg Italy, staying in luxury hotels all the way? Totally depends,

[Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin]

I think running too - it's not even the fact they are out running or cycling, it is when you have to listen to the stats afterwards. So boring.

[MrsJuliaGulia]

My husband is a cyclist and as far as I’m concerned, the longer he is out of the house, the better