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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think the father should be punished too

7 replies

nametaken · 20/11/2007 14:04

A woman has received a jail sentence because her 14 year old daughter did not attend school

www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=495161&in_page_id=17 70

AIBU to think that it's always the mum that gets into trouble, why doesn't the dad get sent to prison?

OP posts:
FioFio · 20/11/2007 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nametaken · 20/11/2007 19:13

The daughter was living with the mum, doesn't say anything about dad but even if they have separated, why does it always have to be the woman that gets punished and the bloke gets away scott free. I mean, she stays and does her best in difficult circumstances - he buggers off and leaves her to it and she's the one who pays. How fair is that?

This isn't the first time - I read more and more about women being sent to prison because kids don't go to school but I've never once heard of a man going to prison.

OP posts:
lomond · 20/11/2007 19:23

If they are seperated and she has custody it is HER responsability to make sure her daughter goes to school.
Is it right to presume that he buggered off and left her to it? She could have thrown him out or they might have never lived together. It's ABU to blame everything on the father.
Where was the mum when her daughter was not attending school?

april68 · 20/11/2007 19:30

Agree Lomond - we don't know all the facts. What if the mother had kicked the father out and didn't LET him take any responsibility?

lulumama · 20/11/2007 19:32

agree with Lomond... if the mother was the primary carer and the daughter was residing with her then surely she must take most responsibility, i imagine she has been out of school for a long time if she mother was taken to court and jailed.

duchesse · 20/11/2007 19:33

No actually, it is too easy to say that the custodial parent is solely responsible- ideally, even if parents are separated, they are still both responsible for what their child does- they are both still the parents. It is too easy for the absent parent to simply reduce themselves to "fun" weekend parent and ignore the discipline problems which they also have a duty to tackle.

Having said that, I do not know the precise facts of this case- maybe the parents are not on speaking terms (sad, when there is a child involved), or they are not able to communicate about problems, or maybe the dad is a wassock, or maybe the mum makes it difficult for him to intervene, and makes pathetic excuses for her kid because she doesn't want to oppose her. This does not exonerate in any way the absent parent- you can go to family court as the non-custodial parent if you have any concerns that you cannot resolve amicably about the child's upbringing. It's just all too bloody easy otherwise: you find a new person, bugger off leaving old partner and kids, and become fun person in child's life without any responsibility. D'you think that could cause some discipline problems of its own?

april68 · 20/11/2007 20:00

Oh yes I absolutely agree with you duchesse - that's what SHOULD happen. Of course both parents should continue to take responsibility! But the OP was about a specific case, and I'm afraid given the reality of the world we live in (ie one parent CAN disappear off and not take, or be given, responsibility) then in this situation we don't know all the facts so can't judge. But totally agree that in an ideal world, parents who split up should continue to take responsibility for their children, not just financially but in terms of ensuring they attend school etc

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