Aibu not to get butterflies?

[Namechangedandoverwhelmed]

I have been on a date and I really like him. On paper he is perfect for me, our personaloties match, we have similar views on things, same sense of humour and we got along really well. He’s good looking too, but this is where I start doubting myself-

• am I supposed to feel butterflies?

Because I don’t, I just like him. The same way I ‘like’ my friends. I think they are bloody awesome. I think this guy is probably bloody awesome too (once I get to know him). But isn’t there supposed to be something ‘else’?

I have always been like this. I have never had butterflies in my life about a man (or a woman). I get them about job interviews and stuff like that! But not romantic butterflies?

Sometimes I wonder if I am asexual.
Does not getting butterflies mean I am?

I want a partner but I don’t want to be dishonest about how I feel. Am I supposed to be feeling something special or is just liking somebody a lot - enough?

It's been one date. It's totally fine to not have butteflies on date one. If you dont have them normally then it's even less of an issue.

Maybe get to know him-maybe it’s a slow burn? Not a problem if you like spending time with him anyway. Took me nearly 9 months to see DH in that way (together 21 yes now and still fancy him)

Thank you, this is reassuring.

In the past I always broke up with men agter 3 or 4 dates because I didn’t think I was feeling the way I was ‘meant’ to. I thought I was leading them on.

I was waiting for something to feel special (EXTRA special) about them.

Maybe I just need to stick with this one a bit longer. I am not a young, I am mid 30s but dating is not something I have done much of really, for this reason.

I clicked on this thread thinking it would actually be about butterflies 🦋 time for bed!

Forget butterflies - sometimes love grows if you allow it to and can outlast the superficial week kneed feelings!
I would give it more time

Never had butterflies in my life. I’ve been very happily married for 25 years. Do you normally get butterflies? If not I wouldn’t give it another thought.

The butterflies thing is bullshit. Don't give it another thought and just enjoy getting to know this man.

If ever I've had butterflies when seeing someone, it's because yes I really fancied them - But ultimately they made me nervous.

Never got butterflies with DH!

That whole butterflies thing can be just a fantasy and waiting for it can mean letting a good guy slip away. If ye start getting along well and you begin to look forward to seeing him etc that's all good.
No butterflies needed .Take everything slowly and just enjoy the fun of getting to know a new person .

I'm not sure butterflies is a good marker. I've had butterflies over all kinds of unsuitable people. Focus on getting to know him and seeing how things unfold.

I've never got butterflies like that after one date. If I find him attractive and we seem to get along I keep dating him and see how our feelings develop.

@Namechangedandoverwhelmed

Thank you, this is reassuring.

In the past I always broke up with men agter 3 or 4 dates because I didn’t think I was feeling the way I was ‘meant’ to. I thought I was leading them on.

I was waiting for something to feel special (EXTRA special) about them.

Maybe I just need to stick with this one a bit longer. I am not a young, I am mid 30s but dating is not something I have done much of really, for this reason.

Have you ever been in a relationship, or always broken things off after 3 or 4 dates?

Sometimes you feel a connection straight away, sometimes it takes much longer.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I got butterflies about DP, but one thing I did 'get' very strongly was a realisation that with this one there was no anxiety, no agonising over messages, no angst and thinking 'why hasn't he replied to my text yet / does he like me' kind of thing which I did every single time with everyone prior. There was a profound sense of it being very straightforward and uncomplicated. And I don't mean at all that it was boring and I definitely fancied him and still do. So I'm sort of wondering whether the butterfly thing is nervousness and is that really a good thing?

Omg give it time. Maybe you are not getting butterflies because you are not 15, and have much deeper understanding and awareness of life & love and what you want from a partner which is probably more than just a short lived sexual frission.

Lemony I had this with my DP. Not butterflies, a feeling of comfort and being at home with someone else. We've now been together 14 years, married 6, two kids and very happy.

I’m reassured that the butterflies aren’t something I necessarily should be feeling.

We’re literally just two people. Nice people, but I don’t know if there is “chemistry” or “electricity” or anything - words like this that I grew up describing relationships make me question myself.

As for fancying- am I supposed to be wanting to leap into bed with him? Because I don’t really get attracted to people on looks alone, and to be honest I have to be very much in the mood to look at people in a horny sort of way (and that is rare!) He is clean, attractive (I mean I am no oil painting, I try not to place too much on looks, so long as they’re not UNattractive and have a kind face, that’s good enough for me).

It could be years before I actually grow properly to love him, if that happens! And what if I hive it a year and those feelings don’t come? Will I have been leading him on?

Basically I never went through the normal teenage /early adulthood process of experimenting with relationships and I don’t know what I am supposed to be feeling

I call this the Hollywood effect, they portray a version of relationships that is a fantasy.

Yes, butterflies are a thing but they are not necessarily an indicator of passion etc.

I think you are massively overthinking this OP. Just wait and see what happens.

If you're only a couple of dates in, then the question is "do I want to see him again", not "are there butterflies". Don't over think it!

DH has never given me butterflies in that nervous tension kind of way, it was always very straightforward. I'd been having coffee with a friend when we'd been dating for a few months and we walked together to meet now DH as my friend was heading that way. Apparently I lit up when I saw him. So no butterflies, but he makes me very happy (and hopefully vice versa!)

My DH of over 30 years has never given me butterflies just a deep,y contented feeling.

Thanks. You’re right I think I probably am overthinking.

I’d wait and see what happens when you kiss him, presuming you haven’t.

Honestly, the best relationships I've had have been the slow burners - the ones with all the butterflies and excitement at the beginning turned out to be more lust than love, and just didn't last.

I got butterflies the first time I kissed DP, but I'd seen him quite a bit before that happened. I still get them occasionally after 4 years but not much.

The butterflies feeling I think lessons as we mature

I love that feeling but I have enjoyed recent short lived relationships but I’m different now my life is fuller it’s not all consuming which is healthier