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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another cheating one...

5 replies

Srae · 10/06/2021 22:17

Found out my partner of 6 years had been cheating last weekend. We have 2 children together, the youngest being just 5 weeks old. Luckily not married.

Only found out by accident but out came all the lies and coverups. I do not believe his apologies for what he had done but more that he was caught. I basically had to become a technological wiz to get any sort of truth. Fetish chat rooms (didn't know he was into this) for 4 years, tinder, bumble the lot. Found out via his snap chat one woman he had slept with, I took her name and she very thankfully gave me the truth and some closure. He was asking her to do it again when our baby was just 2 weeks old and still in hospital.

I am completely and utterly devastated. To me and everyone else he was a decent honest man who looked after his family. He is Very quiet and shy. I have never suspected anything in our whole relationship. He worked every hour god sent him and was a fantastic, hands on dad. He took care of most of the household chores as he said he didn't want me to have to do it. Financially I never had to worry, he sorted it. We lived a very comfortable, happy life with a fantastic home.

He left the home the morning i found out and has never come back. He has tried everyday to tell me how sorry he is and that he has mental health issues. He has gone as far as telling me he doesn't love our baby so he knows he is unwell. I don't think I could despise him more.

As I have a young baby and a toddler he has agreed that I will live in the family home for a year and he will pay all bills. I am only receiving SMP. He has also booked in with a Mortage advisor to see how much I can take from the house. Looking around 30-35k. The mortgage is in his name so hopefully this money does appear. I am fully aware there is time for this to change.

Now to my point, how do I heal from this?
Will I ever be able to trust again?

Has anyone got any hopeful stories that the future will be ok?

AIBU to think all men are capable of this and only some get caught? Feeling very bitter tbh.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2021 22:22

It's just going to take time, op, I'm sorry. This is awful. My biggest concern for you would be the home. You're not married and the house belongs to him. I think you need to formulate a backup plan and quickly. I would not trust him to continue to allow you to live in the home.

LifeExperience · 10/06/2021 22:24

Your healing journey is yours alone, but I will give you the benefit of my experience. My first husband cheated, once, I thought. I later found out it had been several times.

We divorced and I met a wonderful man to whom I've been married almost 31 years. He's the love of my life and I would bet my life he's never cheated and never will.

Give yourself time to heal. Concentrate on your children and someday the right man will come along. I'm a religious woman, so I'll be praying for you and your children. You will get through this.

justanotherneighinparadise · 10/06/2021 22:29

His guilt will only last a short time. Make sure the financial side is tied up as quickly as possible.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 10/06/2021 22:33

Partner or husband? If he’s your partner and the house was in his name, be prepared for him to change his mind and say you can’t stay there and he’s not going to pay you a lump sum. He’s not obliged to.

Srae · 10/06/2021 22:39

@MooseBeTimeForSummer

Partner or husband? If he’s your partner and the house was in his name, be prepared for him to change his mind and say you can’t stay there and he’s not going to pay you a lump sum. He’s not obliged to.
Partner, I have fully prepared myself for the worst. I know guilt doesn't last long. He transferred me all the money from our joint account which is a few thousand so we at least have something behind us if the worst does happen. Very surprised and grateful at the amount universal credit that we are entitled to also. He has agreed that the children's child maintenance should go to me even though he will have them half the week, the eldest right away but my newborn not until she is at least 1. He says he understands my decision on this.

Hoping he does the right thing by his children.

OP posts:
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