To think I'm not BU for supporting them?

[toastende]

I made a new account as it won't let me NC

DS and his girlfriend are young. They were together for about a year when his girlfriend found our she was pregnant. DS told me straight away as he was freaked out (but was supporting his girlfriend). I spoke to them both and his girlfriend said she didn't want to tell her mum yet so she didn't for a few days. When she told her mum she was ANGRY and told her that she needed to have an abortion (when she hadn't decided what to do yet). She stayed with us for a few days until she decided what to do. Her mum also wasn't happy about this either as she was sleeping in DS’s room (not sure why this was a problem if she was already pregnant!)

His girlfriend decided to keep the baby. Her mum wasn't happy with this and she blamed ds by saying that if he didn't support her she would've decided not to keep it.

She gave birth last year and since then her mum has been judging everything they do. I look after my grandson for an hour or so sometimes and yesterday I had him for the afternoon whilst DS and his girlfriend went out together. Her mum messaged today saying I shouldn't have as if they wanted to have a baby young they need to deal with the consequences with not being able to spend time together. She also made judgements that whenever grandsons here DS doesn't do anything with him (he does).

Aibu for supporting them and looking after grandson whilst they spend time together?

Yabu to even let that awful woman have your mobile number..
My ds and his gf had an unplanned baby and of course we helped support them. Isn't that what decent people do?

Definitely yanbu.

What does she want you to do - punish them forever?? And the baby too by extension.

Sounds like you’re a great mum and grandmother.

I think you’re wonderful for supporting them! Parents no matter what age need a break, and you stepping in is what family is all about.

You sound like a fantastic mother and grandmother

Block her. Her opinion is irrelevant and there's no reason you need to speak with her.

She sounds absolutely awful. Not sure why people like that even have children

Where do they live? Does she live at home with the baby and does Ds still live at yours? To be fair if she still lives at home I understand that the mother might not be happy to have a baby in the house and no doubt have to help out at times. However if your Ds his gf and the baby have their own place then she needs to back off. She's entitled to not want to support them, but she doesn't get to tell you what to do.

If you can support and help them when they need it then surely they have a better chance of surviving as a couple and a family? Does her mum WANT them to separate?

How old is "young"? It's really nothing to do with her at all, is it? Not sure why she's messaging you or why you'd entertain it. Just ignore her entirely - there's no reason for the two of you to be in any kind of contact. You should offer the amount of support that you and the parents mutually agree you'd like.

How young are we talking here? 13-17: I can see why she's so upset. 18+ and living at home: if they want to be treated like adults then they need to find their own place.

Just reply with "🙄🙄🙄" to every message. Of course you're not BU.

It sounds like she’s being unreasonable in general. But how young is young? Under 18? Because then I can understand her frustration and upset about her daughter having a baby but it’s none of her business if you choose to babysit, just like it’s not your business if she chooses not to. Either way, I’d block her number. She doesn’t need to have it anyway surely?

I’m gobsmacked at this woman. Of course you are being completely reasonable! What on earth does she expect you to do, flog them daily with a cat o’ nine tails and banish your baby grandson from the house? Your son and his GF actually sound like quite responsible parents who love and want their little boy, and surely it must be good for the baby to be with family who love him and for his parents to spend time together. Block that woman and lose her number, and enjoy your lovely grandson!

I can sort of see both sides to this. I've told dd that she has to be extremely careful with contraception and not to think for a minute that if she falls pregnant that I'll be a free babysitter. She's school age, but having sex.

I don't want her to think it's an easy option.

If she fell pregnant and her bf's mum was seemingly making it okay then I'd probably be quite pissed off.

Then again if it actually happened... sure, I'd support them, and the baby. Because that's what we do isn't it.

I'd have the girlfriend and baby move in with you and ds away from that awful woman.

It's not ideal but being cruel to them isn't going to change anything, except make them resentful. They stand a much better chance of doing well in life with support.

I can't imagine being so horrible to my DD.

She needs to give it a rest. She thought they made the wrong decision but the baby is well and truly here now so she can either be a decen person and bond with her grandson or she can continue to piss everyone off and alienate them all. Either way I'd let her deal with her own crazy and get on with being a nice grandma/mom.

She does sound awful - but also - how young is your DS and his girlfriend? How much responsibility are they taking?
If they’re still minors then as much as people are saying ‘block her number’ you can’t really...she’s still responsible for making decisions on behalf of her daughter and it’s best to keep that channel of communication open.
If they’re above 18 then yeah block her

They're under 18. DS lives with me and his girlfriend and grandson live with her mum. They both care for him but I help out occasionally

I already feel sorry for the baby, what a negative influence to have around you, I wonder how she treats the little one and how long she is going to keep up this nasty streak.

Yanbu, id move her in, how bad must she treat her DD if she can talk to you like that