To want to be there for my son

[Alicew00]

So I'm currently working 10 hours a week and have 3 children 5,10,14. My eldest has been suffering with his asthma and panic attacks aswell as having depression on which one occasion he got so upset he harmed himself (not terribly bad but still bad).
So I have the school ringing me atleast twice a week to pick him up.
Anyway I'm expected to work 24 hours a week and universal credit ring me every 2 weeks to see what I've done to find more hours. It's all getting too much. I don't know what to do. 😔 I want to get out there and work and have some sort of life of own for own mental health but I also want to be there for my child/all my children. I have family members who can help but they work too.

I never know when he's going to have a bad day

I don't think using your ds's mental health as an excuse not to work more is on really.
You need to find a sympathetic employer who will let you nip out to fetch him if necessary.
Can school not do more to keep him in? Is he under camhs?

what do you imagine other parents who work do?

I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling. Have you spoken to the school? I work in secondary and we would do all we could to keep him in school. It isn't really feasible for them to keep sending him home.

Maybe there is a pastoral worker he could sit with if he is feeling overwhelmed?

I think the school should make adequate provision for him, rather then you having to pick him up. This is what you should be focusing on.

More needs to be done to support your son to be able to stay in school. Ignore those saying you are using him as an excuse, I imagine you are very worried about him. To have a child who has self harmed is devastating. Have you sought support for your own emotional wellbeing?

Has he had an asthma check at the doctors ?
Have you asked for a referral to CaMHS ?
Have you spoken to school about him ?

Well of course you can work as many hours as you like. It doesn’t mean you can claim universal credit though. If you want to do that you have to work the hours necessary to claim. It’s very simple.

Are we literally saying that a mum with a child who has self harmed is using that as an excuse?!?. If the child had cancer would that be a good enough excuse? God forbid someone who claims benefits has some problems.
Now OP, you need to get help from from school obviously. What are they doing Currently? Have you spoken to your Dr? Cahms? Etc. It must be so difficult and I can understand why you are struggling. The universal credit system is really inflexible. Its not fit for purpose tbh.

Christ, some of the comments here are stone cold. Talk about an empathy bypass.

I work in a school and children with self-harm or suicidal ideation generally stay in school. Parents only pick up if we can't keep them safe- normally if we require parents to take them to A and E for emergency CAMHS

I am so sorry you’ve had some people respond who are showing such a lack of compassion

First things, asthma review
Camhs referral and pastoral support

Consider applying for DLA this would also allow you potentially to apply for carers allowance and increased benefits

If you ask to move the thread over to the special needs forum you’re likely to get friendly and helpful support

It does sound so so difficult . Absolutely your son comes first, and employers should be understanding - no company should penalise you for looking after your children. What do you do?

Yabu

some real arseholes on this thread, hope you never have a child with MH issues, it is absolutely soul destroying you never know when they will have a bad day, there is so little help and support available

OP not sure how it works in the UK but possibly doctors first, a counsellor? there is some good online support maybe contact them for advice and help;

www.actionforchildren.org.uk
youngminds.org.uk/

good luck, I hope you and your ds find the help you need

@suspiria777

what do you imagine other parents who work do?

Lots have to give up work to support their child if they're having significant difficulties. If that means they have to rely more heavily on benefits so be it.

Hi,
I just wanted to say please don't listen to the negative comments. Nobody knows your child like you and what their going through. Being a mum is not only the most important job in the world but also the hardest, especially when your child is ill. Any self harm is serious as it's a warning that someone is struggling, if your not already with camhs push for a referral, I won't lie it can be a long and gruelling process as the wait types are ridiculous. With regards to the asthma have you seen the GP recently? Look on direct gov website at disability living allowance as you could make a claim and if entitled to middle rate care could then claim carers allowance, which would mean that you would no longer have to look for work under universal credit. You can also work whilst claiming carers allowance but there is an earnings threshold. Most importantly please look after you and your physical and mental health as this is incredibly important for you and your children. Google "parenting mental health" staging.parentingmentalhealth.com/ its a website that offers advice and support and the most useful I've found. Good luck and keep your chin up x

I don't think giving up work is the answer. Your son and school thinking you are available at all times probably will make things worse. Surely they should be able to keep him at school. Whats triggering his anxiety?