About my birthday? New relationship

[Itsmybirthday321]

Hi all,

Today is my birthday! And I am three months into a new relationship. So far it’s been going really well. He has been nothing but lovely, thoughtful, we’re really relaxed together, no arguments, no drama.

About a month ago it was his birthday, I asked when he was free and went to him with a card, a cake and a gift, nothing over the top, and he said he was really happy with them.

Today is my birthday and I’m feeling a bit rubbish. He did text me this morning to say happy birthday but hasn’t asked what I had planned today or if I was free at any point, and he hasn’t mentioned that he’s got me a card or anything. Am I being unreasonable to be confused and a bit upset?

It’s not about what I did for him, as I did that because I wanted to and not because I wanted something in return. It’s the apparent lack of effort that’s got me feeling this way.

So my question is:
YANBU - totally valid
YABU - give your head a wobble

I would next any guy who did not gift me for birthday, Christmas or valentines. It would tell me he is not interested at all. I wouldn’t bother having a convo about it. Actions speak louder than words. Usually when they’re interested they’re chomping at the bit to gift you or to be romantic. My husband never turned up to a date beyond about date three empty handed. It sounds like you’re a single mother. I was too before Dh. Unfortunately you will get a lot of guys who think you’re sitting in with no better options, waiting for them to throw you dregs of company and affection. You have to raise your expectations significantly to weed out these types

Not everyone feels the same about birthdays, maybe he's doing what he thinks is good enough.

He hardly knows you, if you were going to use your birthday as a test, you should've warned him.

Tbh 3 months is nothing, give the relationship some time before you make a decision.

Massive red flag & he's telling you who he is.

Quite happy to accept your gifts but didn't say birthdays don't mean much to him.

Asked in advance what you wanted but then didn't organise that it get you you in time.

As to the poster who said he should have been warned of it was a test 🙄

3 months in & this is how he makes a first birthday together- does not bode well !

I agree with @parsnipsnotsprouts

Happy birthday!

This is his best behaviour. This is as good as it's going to get. You have been generous with him. He hasn't given your birthday a second thought. It's not even as though he forgot it. He remembered it and sent you a text. Big deal. It sounds as though he ordered that item today having realised he hadn't bought you anything. I wouldn't be happy with that.

OP,

We teach people how to treat us.

I would be seriously unimpressed and would get the Ick for someone so selfish.

He's not that into you and seems sure enough of you to tjink he can treat you poorly.

He would be gone for me, he is wasting YOUR time.

You deserve better.

He's not bothered about birthdays (and possibly felt a cake, a card and a present were a bit OTT after a couple of months?). As birthdays are important to you, I'd knock it on the head - don't expect him to change as he's happy being a non-birthday bloke.

This would really matter to me. A present coming Monday is pants.

I would have a conversation with him, about how birthdays are important to most people you, and you marked his birthday so feel disappointed he made no effort on yours.

If he understands this and agrees to make more effort next time I'd accept that but if he doesn't get it then I'd call it a day.

Even if he ordered the present with plenty of time and for some reason it is delayed until Monday surely the nice thing to do is to arrange to pop round with some flowers or wine and apologise for the delay in the actual present.

You matter. You shouldn’t have to accept crumbs for your special day. Someone who cares about you will make an effort because they want you to be happy

I wouldn't be happy at all.
A present arriving Monday just isn't good enough. This will be your life going forward with this guy. I'd have a good think about whether you're willing to tolerate such a lack of consideration.

What happened in the end OP? I'd have been really miffed too