How would you feel if you received this message?

[JWatts29]

NB: I have Aspergers so (can) struggle in typing out long messages like these to friends due to overthinking. I just want to check that it is not too long/overwhelming etc...

"Hi [friend's name], So sorry for the late reply – I am not on FB as much these days, that’s for sure! Great to hear that things are going well with your studies – how long to go now before you graduate? :)

I guess the second-wave has changed things in Italy since this too? We’re back in a full national lockdown here in the UK. I am so glad that there has been so much progress with the vaccines recently. About 5 and a half million people have been vaccinated here so far (including my grandad yesterday :D ), so hopefully all of this lockdown madness will be over soon! Do you think that you will stay in Italy after your studies? Also, sorry to hear that you contracted the virus – our parents bumped in to each other in [hometown] a few months ago and they were saying. Hope you’re all better from that now? I tested positive last spring and slept for days afterwards…

I finally(!!) graduated from university last year – all that hard-work, stress and occasional keyboard meltdowns were worth it in the end. Seriously speaking though, thank you so much for all your great tips about uni and I’m really sorry again if my ranting was overwhelming. Looking back, I got way too stressed about things that seem so trivial now but didn’t when I was there. It is quite upsetting reading back some of the things I said, especially like ‘I have no friends’. I guess I was just massively stressing myself by over-focusing on some bad experiences with a few people in my first-year and couldn’t see past it at the time. As difficult as it seemed at the time, I was always determined to go back there and graduate after that experience in my first-year, and so glad I did – I met so many wonderful friends there in the end. But it’s especially upsetting to think that I sent things like ‘I have no friends’ to you in particular, as I have always considered you as a friend – right from when we first met at pre-school haha – and a great one at that. :D

I was going to be starting my masters last September at uni in Scotland but due to the pandemic I will start this year (fingers-crossed). I feel so sorry for students here at the moment – I couldn’t imagine studying for a degree all over Zoom…. I managed to do quite a bit of travelling in Europe last summer after graduating – mainly Eastern Europe. I can’t wait for the borders to open again. Do you still like traveling? I really liked seeing your blog-posts and great photos from your travels a couple of years ago. Looked amazing, and very fun! I’m keeping busy working from home at the moment. I normally commuted to [city name] most weekdays back in the summer of 2017 when I did my first internship there, so the concept of ‘work from home’ and not seeing people face-to-face in an office was rather strange to me at first!"

[quote JWatts29]@Beautiful3 - Great idea, thanks so much :)[/quote]
Hmm. I think I disagree. Saying "I haven't heard from you since my last message sounds needy and a bit as though you're crticising her for not replying.

Just say "Hi! How have you been since we last spoke? I hope all is well"

@InnaBun Do you think that they still see me as a friend, even though I haven't heard back from them yet? :)

Hi @saraclara - ah, I see. That's a good point also. I haven't sent anything yet. I realllly don't want to sound needy - I really care about and value this friend a lot and don't want to look needy to them!

Thanks for this post, you've reminded me to send a message to a friend who sent a long message back in September 2020....
He is still my friend and he was responding to a message I sent him in June so I know he is probably not worrying about my laziness in replying but I think I'm a bit overdue now!
Your message was upbeat, informative and said positive things about her.
I don't see anything wrong with it at all and wouldn't be overwhelmed with it.
She is probably just a lazy communicator/busy/got distracted.
I think WhatsApp and Messenger have kind of ruined this type of communication. It's a lot easier to write longer catch up messages on a keyboard through email then on a phone so people (like me) put it off.
Hang in there, anxiety is such an Iago!

Me and my friends sometimes forget to respond, everyone has busy lives, I wouldn’t think anything of it OP.

I did have to check I hadn’t gone back in time and read a zombie thread when I read this bit though.

We’re back in a full national lockdown here in the UK.

This has confused me. Um, we’re not.

[quote JWatts29]@InnaBun Do you think that they still see me as a friend, even though I haven't heard back from them yet? :)[/quote]
Well they messaged you in the first place so they must have wanted to know how you were. As it is now June you could always send them a brief message and say hello.

Lots ofpeople I know are genuine friends will forget to reply. When you get a lovely long message you want to send a proper response so you can end up not getting round to it. Don't over think it!

@SallyCinnabon the message was from January.

I think the message was nice OP. I’d have probably read it, felt it needed a proper rely and intended to come back to it later. There’s then a chance it would have been buried in my inbox and been forgotten.

Perhaps follow up with a short message at some point soon. I sometimes send a long message like you have, or a quick “I heard/remembered/saw X and thought of you, hope all is well”.

I think that is a lovely message you wrote op.

My friend sends quite long messages and I usually read them quickly when I'm at work or making dinner then plan to reply later but sometimes I forget and then time passes, and more time, and then I get embarrassed that I have not replied and feel like a crap friend.

Hi Op. That's such a lovely, thoughtful message. However, I think this is far too much for a message. There's alot of points she would need to reply to and feels like a mental load that you need to have a lot of time for. Why don't you call rather, as it's more of a conversation type message rather something you do over text. Tbf to her, if I receive a message that needs a few responses I tend to leave it for later or when I'm not busy and I sometimes just forget. Instead of referring to your message, just call and have a light conversation.

I agree with sending a short catch up message. In future be guided by the length of there messages. Perhaps go with shorter messages, but more. So when they replied to you, putting that you'd finished Uni and a thank you for your support. Then say that we are in full lock down. Then ask applicable questions, 'are they dating', what are they getting up to for fun' etc. So the information being exchanged about each others lives is equal. Your question about Italy was at the start. It would have been easier to reply if it was at the end.

My adult DD's friend has ASD and my DD accepts a level of 'me, me, me' from their message exchanges. My youngest adult DD has learned to mask and has worked on her communication style, even in messages. It frustrates her when the messages get very one-sided, but she does make allowances.

OP, I would be delighted to receive such a chatty message.

I don't think it's you OP. I have ADHD and get very stressed at responding to texts and emails, from anyone. There are emails over a year old that I've been meaning to reply to It could be something like that.

[quote JWatts29]@MustardRose - Would you think badly of the sender though, or not want to be friends with them anymore?[/quote]
No, I don't think so.

I think it's a lovely message, and I definitely don't think it would put someone off being friends with you at all! I would be very happy to receive a thoughtful message like that.

I think it will take her a while to reply though, just because the convention is to reply to a long message with a similarly long message, which might take her some time.

She is your friend, so knows and likes your individual personality traits. So don't worry you've said something "wrong". She likes you (and your messages) as they are.

I'd feel like since Yahoo Answers closed you've taken to reposting this crap here.

Fortunately there are plenty of aggregator sites that can find you and your previous posts of this, verbatim.

@gwenneh

I'd feel like since Yahoo Answers closed you've taken to reposting this crap here.

Fortunately there are plenty of aggregator sites that can find you and your previous posts of this, verbatim.

I wasn't sure what you meant so Googled the OP and you're right, this same post does appear verbatim in several other locations.

OP, did you really need quite so much reassurance!!!!

It was a lovely letter and I'd be happy to have received it. But, because of the length and detail, I know myself and would put off answering until I had time to reply in the same way. Then I might forget and then I would be embarrassed that I left it so long and then not do anything about it! So stupid, I know. I wouldn't take it personally really.

@gwenneh

I'd feel like since Yahoo Answers closed you've taken to reposting this crap here.

Fortunately there are plenty of aggregator sites that can find you and your previous posts of this, verbatim.

Oh dear.

Should I just send a simple message like 'Hi ___, how are you? Miss you loads!' or someting like that?

Should I just send a simple message like 'Hi _, how are you? Miss you loads!' or someting like that?

Yes I think sending a short simple message would be a good idea although I maybe wouldn’t add the ‘miss you loads’ bit as I think that is adding pressure on her to reply or seems like you could be making her feel guilty for not replying yet.

Maybe just say something like, Hi, how are you? Hope uni is going well, [something short about your masters Eg: ‘think it’ll be a shock to my system going back to essay writing in September’]. Hope you get some time off from your studies over the summer anyway, do you have anything planned? Let me know if you’re back in the uk! X’

For me personally op, I’d have been chuffed to be on the receiving end. I actually read all of it and I don’t usually on here just scim read. Not only was it clearly genuine and thoughtful it was very well written and engaging. I imagine the recipient probably thought the same and wanted to reply with the same level of effort and simply hasn’t got around to it. Really don’t over think it, nothing wrong with what you wrote at all, time seems to fly by at the moment.