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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suspect a data protection breach?

23 replies

DoublePole · 10/06/2021 17:35

Long story. But DH has acquired a stalker in the form of a male distant relative which we think is driven by jealousy. I'd say there's only two main drivers for stalking. Lust/sexual obsession or jealousy. We know it's not the first one!

DH and stalker have a long history and both came from a difficult and impoverished background. They grew up together and have made life choices that were very different. Hence DH could be 'perceived' outwardly to be doing well for himself. Stalker? Not so much.

A whole series of events have incurred recently which we've reported to the Police who say we've got no evidence. DH hadn't been in touch with stalker for a few years after purposefully going no contact. We live in different towns but we recently moved house and told nobody from that side of the family.

A few weeks ago stalker turned up outside, in a huge sports car making a lot of noise to attract attention. We live in a quiet back street with no through traffic so this is not the norm here. He said he's been watching us for months. He gave verbal evidence which proves this. Eg, visitors we've had, clothes we wore etc.

Anyway, we're scared. And wondering how he found us. Stalker's brother works at a high street bank which DH uses for his personal account (only found out recently through digging).

We suspect this is how the leak happened. We've raised a complaint and the bank are taking it seriously, but no outcome as yet.

People who work in bank's - how rare would this type of leak be? How easy to achieve? Would DH's account have an audit trail? Could the bank cover it up or would they admit it? What would happen next? I'd love some insight to help my nerves.

We've narrowed it down to the bank or a utilities company that another shared relative works at. For context, DH and stalker are from a different culture where family ties often come above other priorities, including the law. Or certainly in their extended family.

Really worried about where this could lead. And DH wants to now move house. A bloody ball ache!

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 10/06/2021 17:38

Sorry I can't answer your question but given the stalker has admitted to stalking can you not go back to the police?

LaurieFairyCake · 10/06/2021 17:38

Well did he threaten you? Has he been back ?

Or did he just say 'I know where you live and I've been watching you'

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/06/2021 17:40

Banks have strict controls about accessing customer information. It is often a sackable offence. Banks rely on customers trusting them (as well as legal and regulatory confidentiality duties). If customers thought bank staff could misuse their information they would move their money out. So a bank should take it extremely seriously.

OppsUpsSide · 10/06/2021 17:41

Or did he just say 'I know where you live and I've been watching you'

Just say? That’s not ‘just’ saying, it’s an implied threat.

ChatterMonkey · 10/06/2021 17:42

Is he making threats? Or just telling you that hes watching?

If theres no threats I would be inclined to just tell him to crack on, and i would assume he would eventually get bored.

If he is in any way threatening, carry on with the police, or even get legal advice for whether you can get restraining order or similar through them rather than the police? Then if its broken the police have something to act on.

Slipperrr · 10/06/2021 17:42

The bank will take it seriously, but there are probably a surprising amount of ways he could have obtained your new address.

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 10/06/2021 17:45

Would DH's account have an audit trail? Could the bank cover it up or would they admit it?
Yes, log ins for specific users would be traceable on whichever IT system the bank uses and so they could see whoever had accessed particular account details. I very much doubt that if they thought it credible that they would risk a ‘cover up’.

DoublePole · 10/06/2021 17:53

He admitted to drawing graffiti on a Royal Mail postbox at the end of our road (we'd noticed this a few months ago but didn't look at it closely, just when driving by) When we went to look on foot after he mentioned it, indeed the graffiti was a shared sign that only DH and stalker would have used (as teenagers) so we know it was him.

He started name dropping our neighbours and eluded to the fact he knew them. But tripped up as one neighbour passed away a few years ago but from the conversation, he maintained he recently worked with her on a business project. Both neighbours he referenced are listed publicly on Companies House with our street address. So we think Google has given him this info.

Finally we came home last week and our cables from the internet box externally had been tampered with and unscrewed. Under the plant pot next to it was a parking ticket from stalker's resident city. Its 45 mins from our house and could not have blown there as it was strategically placed there. Almost like a calling card.

Its all so weird. They are in their 40's ffs but stalker has form for odd behaviour. Police just honestly made us feel like we're crazy. I actually work on a helpline myself in a similar field to stalking, so knew of course to make a log and call it with the police. But they said no crime has been committed and its just a series of odd events with no evidence. Writing it down is making me really angry. Of course they should of looked into this more. I think it's clear we got fobbed off.

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DoublePole · 10/06/2021 17:57

Oh and there were no threats involved though, just 'I've been watching you' ... 'I came by on your birthday' ... its almost like a jilted lover. DH called him out on this weird behaviour but I think wanted he wanted to keep the peace, not make a fuss, and feels a bit sorry for him which doesn't help.

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LaurieFairyCake · 10/06/2021 18:06

Well you know for two reasons that he's not really been watching you much

  1. He didn't work with a dead person

And

  1. He's a massive cock who can't drive around without announcing his presence

He just wants to intimidate you. Ignore it as far as you can and report every incident to the police Thanks Definitely start logging all harassment like him leaving the parking ticket - at some point they will go and have a word with him

SoupDragon · 10/06/2021 18:11

I'd start with CCTV or at least a Ring doorbell

Gullible2021 · 10/06/2021 18:15

When I was stalked I found out that I could be tracked using a tiny magnet like device on the bottom of my car. Near my wheel trim. I never would have guessed if or known to go looking for it had I not been warned when I realised stalker was showing up places I was going to quite spontaneously. The other thing that happened was spyware on my phone. It was "hidden" in a poster for an event that was sent via email. He worked in IT and had offered to design a poster for a close friend's event and she sent it to me to ask me to print it off and distribute in my hometown. Neither of us had any idea that he'd managed to put spyware in it.

Only telling you in case theres a possiblity either could have happened. I.e car accessed at work or whilst visiting a relative, email or whatsapp passed on via family etc.

Sensateria · 10/06/2021 18:20

Ignore the minimisation on here of his stalking because he’s “just” saying he’s been watching you.

Get CCTV/a Ring doorbell. The bank should have an audit trail of who has logged into your DH account and they need to have a legitimate reason for logging in.

The main thing to do is log everything with the police. There’s no legal definition of stalking so refuse to let the fob you off with ‘no crime has been committed’, a pattern needs to be established and logged with them.

redfoxred · 10/06/2021 18:52

Have you changed GP? If any of that side of the family work in healthcare the area you live, it's easy to look up you DH, you just need to no his name and date of birth.

DoublePole · 11/06/2021 08:14

Super advice, CCTV and Ring doorbell on order thanks. We'll keep logging everything with the Police and hope he just gets bored. Thanks

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DoublePole · 02/07/2021 07:38

Just a little update, the bank rang yesterday and confirmed they DO have the stalker's family member on their payroll but claimed 'there is no wrong doing on our behalf'. Is this carefully worded to avoid admitting their employee has committed 'wrongdoing'? Or is this a brushoff?

I'd still love to hear from bank staff candidly, would this kind of suspected breech be easily covered up/denied? Is the audit trail so accurate that every imprint or employee search is logged? Can an employee of a bank check customer addresses without an imprint?

Knowing this will help us decide whether to escalate it or ask the bank more information about their investigation.

We are 90% sure this is where the breech occurred.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 02/07/2021 07:43

..so the bank rang you, confirmed the name of one of thier employees, and then gave you information about an investigation - that’s a data breach if ever I heard one,
The systems at the bank will have a log of whoever has accessed the account.

Ligglepiggle · 02/07/2021 07:45

Bank staff here, if he’s accessed without a business reason he will likely be dismissed.
In terms of audit, a line manager of an employee would get a printed copy of everything employee has searched and would be expected to fact find employee as to why this has been searched.
At the bank I work for you couldn’t search without a footprint and you could search a name to obtain an address

Usual2usual · 02/07/2021 07:46

I worked for a bank, there is no way they would cover it up. My goodness they treat their staff like shit for the most part, the customer is always right and it is extremley regulated they just wouldn't risk it.

Yes every single access is logged and if someone was found to have even the smallest of links to accounts they had accessed they were sacked.

Thebookswereherfriends · 02/07/2021 07:59

I would think one of the first things to do if you’re even suspicious of data breeches is to change bank and utilities supplier. If you know family members work for them then block that route by changing.

Spekoppar · 02/07/2021 08:07

The bank employee would not be able to look it up without leaving a trail. Banks are really hot on this stuff and it would be highly likely that the bank would cover it up if they’d discovered an employee had breached confidentiality in the way.

RedHelenB · 02/07/2021 08:29

Your dh seems to have a lot of family so I imagine your address was got through this means rather than assuming someone looked it up at work knowing they'd get the sack!

DoublePole · 02/07/2021 09:04

Yes we've changed banks now, and I was shocked they confirmed the member of staff worked there. I don't think its worth pursuing too much, as we can't evidence anything. I've bought DH a book on dealing with narcissists and I think now its important to learn to emotionally deal with stalker and not feed into his games.

Since the last episodes, he's driven past a few times but nothing more. Ignoring him completely might protect our energy better in what is a truly bizarre situation to find ourselves in.

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