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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want dh to take/throw away or destroy dds cuddly dog comforter type thing???

56 replies

hayCHingleBells · 20/11/2007 11:45

DD1 is 7.
She has a cuddly dog that she is totally addicted too. Hes been everywhere with us since she was around 5months old.

She sucks her thumb holding the dog and stroking its ear up and down her nose.

She doesnt do it all day long. Its mostly cuddling up on the sofa time or bedtime or if she is upset.
She is quite happy to leave him at home etc if told, but will try to sneak him out with her if she can get away with it.

Dp hates this dog. Always has. He has now stated that after christmas she wont be allowed to have it anymore

I want to say no way jose`!
AIBU?

Will she ever give him up/ grow out of it by herself?
Does she need to be forced into it?
Or should we just let her keep it (that would be my choice)

OP posts:
smugmumofboys · 20/11/2007 12:28

Let her keep it! My dad is 67 and still talks about how upset he was when my nan gave away his teddy to the girl across the road - that was in the forties. I think that she will grow out of it naturally.

Iota21againAndMum22boys · 20/11/2007 12:28

oops dog 2 is in second place.

Dog1 was eventually found in the house, but by this time ds2 had transferred his affections to dog2 (dog1 is fast asleep in a cupboard)

BroccoliSpears · 20/11/2007 12:29

My parents took away my comforter when I was about 6 or 7. I am now 28 and I still remember it clearly as being one of the most distressing events in my childhood. I couldn't understand how my mum could have done it, or why. My dad sat up with me for 2 nights while I sobbed myself to sleep. At that age I had personified the comforter to the extent that I felt guilty and worried about the comforter lost somewhere all alone without me.

Eventually my dad managed to persuade me to have a special bear in bed "until the comforter came home" and I still love the bear fiercly.

BibiThree · 20/11/2007 12:31

I say let her keep it, but start gradually restricting his roaming to maybe the lounge before bedtime for wind-down then just her bedroom. She will still get comfort from him but won't be so attached. You won't feel like a mean mummy and your dp will see less of it.
She's still v young and why on earth would you take comfort away from your lo?

coby · 20/11/2007 12:31

YANBU!!!!!!!

What is your DH's problem with it???

Of course she will grow out of it, it might always be her favourite toy but she's hardly going to walk around with it when she's a teenager or take it to job interviews when she is older.

Kewcumber · 20/11/2007 12:34

what exactly dos he object to? Does it just generally irritate him - if so perhaps they could swop - he has to stop doing something that irritates her and she will stop cuddling her dog in front of him.

seeker · 20/11/2007 12:40

Actually, I don't think there should be any compromise here. Why should the child have to make deals to keep her dog, or the OP think up strateges to "manage"her dp? There is nothing wrong with the poor little girl having her dog - her father is just plain wrong and should be told so.

agalch · 20/11/2007 12:40

Sorry but i think your DH is a twat!!

That is being cruel and mean Your poor dd,hope you put your foot down and tell him to naff off.

Elizabetth · 20/11/2007 12:41

YANBU.

Unless he's going to be there to offer comfort every time she needs it then the doggie ought to stay.

colditz · 20/11/2007 12:42

Is he a complete fucking idiot? I take it he wants his little girl to resent him until the day she dies?

oatcake · 20/11/2007 12:42

I am going to cry when my 6 year old gives up his comfy. I hoping he will be taking it to uni with him - he promises me that he will!

Let her keep it as long as she wants!

Kewcumber · 20/11/2007 12:43

I was more trying to make the point that if its just irritating then he proabbly does as much which irritates the rest of you and he presumably doesn't think that igves you the right to unilaterally take things away from him.

CatIsSleepy · 20/11/2007 12:48

well it's all been said but I'll say it anyway...

tell him not to be such a meany and let your dd keep her cuddly dog!

Lauriefairycake · 20/11/2007 13:24

I think this is really serious - getting rid of transitional objects which comfort us is a terrible thing to do to a child.

When she hits tweeenager she will want it on her bed.

When she falls out with a boy that will be the thing she reaches for (from a high shelf).

When she goes to college it will most likely go with her.

It is entirely the wrong thing to do to 'make a child grow up' according to your own (dh's) needs. Part of the wonderfullness of being a parent is knowing that they still need you, my friend went home from university with glandular fever and her mother nursed her aged 20 for two months and part of that was snuggling on the couch with her toy rabbit.

Never ever grow up too much....... (is my motto)

wafts off in inner child daydream

Lilymaid · 20/11/2007 13:32

Let her keep it. DS2 still uses his "yellow blanket" from time to time. He is a 16 year old rugby player. What is the harm?

lucyellensmum · 20/11/2007 13:38

i bet the minute she has her first sleepover, she wont be wanting the dog - your husband is being unreasonable. When i had my dd1 (i was 19) i made my mum bring my cuddly cat to the hospital

snice · 20/11/2007 13:38

I think there is a principle here if it doesn't sound too poncy- this toy belongs to her and it should not be taken away by her father. However I do think she could be encouraged to keep it in her bedroom under her pillow for night time use only.

seeker · 20/11/2007 13:45

I wonder why she should even keep it to her bedroom? It's lovely to cuddle up on the sofa with bear (in my dd's case) Loshie(in ds's) and the dog (in the OP's dd's case) She lives in the house too!

EmsMum · 20/11/2007 13:50

I think that as children get older theres a natural progression from having comforter/thumbsuck anywhere and everywhere, through just at home to just when 'snuggling'; to just at bedtime to just at bedtime when alone....

Probably in this case its about time to keep doggy safe at home.

GooseyLoosey · 20/11/2007 13:53

Do not let your dh throw it out.

This sounds daft, but I had something at her age which I carried everywhere with me. One day by grandmother took it away from me (fearing that I might damage something with it as it was quite hard and I had been throwing it). I can honestly say that although I have a good relationship with her and I understand why she took it, I have never forgiven her for not understanding my depth of feeling and that at that point in my life I felt I needed it.

She may never grow out of it, but so what. If it makes her more secure in her life, let her have it. I have a 38 year old friend who did much the same with a dog with silk ears (which were replaced numerous times). She still does it sometimes when relaxing alone at home and says it gives her an imense feeling of comfort. She is a lovely person and I envy something so little which can make her secure.

meglet · 20/11/2007 14:05

He mustn't throw it out. She will be so sad and resent him for it - possibly for ever.

Threadworm · 20/11/2007 14:11

If it's the thumbsucking he doesn't like, taking away the comforter won't stop the thumbsucking.
I sucked my thumb (and stroked my nose at the same time) until I was nine. I remember feeling very upset when adults tried to talk me out of it. And I also remember thet the habit shrivelled away easily and unnoticed at the time that it was right for me to let go of it.

SoMuchToBits · 20/11/2007 14:16

You are definitely not being unreasonable, but your dh is. 7 is very young to be giving up a cuddly toy like that - my ds is nearly 7, and still cuddles his teddy in bed every night. And I don't think it matters how long she has it - she can decide for herself when she doesn't need it, and will soon reduce the use of it if she is worried that friends will laugh at her etc. I think there is far too much pressure on children to grow up too quickly these days, why rush them? If it's any consolation, I still have my teddy, and I'm errmm nearly 46.

OrmIrian · 20/11/2007 14:17

Silly DP! Of course she must keep it.

Perhaps he could buy her some fags as a substitute for the thumb-sucking...Or she could start to bite her nails. Much better .

mummydoit · 20/11/2007 14:18

Why on earth does he want to throw away something that gives her comfort? Tell him no, in no uncertain terms. I had a teddy which literally fell to pieces and mum put him in the airing cupboard 'to get better'. I can still remember the day I discovered he wasn't there at all and had been thrown away. Another poster said she will just get a new comforter and I can confirm that. After teddy, I got a little Scottie dog which I cuddled until 11/12, then it sat on my bed as a mascot all through my teens (often sneaking in for a cuddle if I was going through a rough patch). It went to university with me and only stopped living on my bed when DH started sleeping in it. Coincidentally enough, DH has the exact same Scottie dog that he was given as a baby! The two Scotties sit side by side on our bedroom window ledge.

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