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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not hand over my work for their advantage?

21 replies

Mmmcheese89 · 10/06/2021 05:29

I'm in the early stages of working towards promotion. It's involved having my education so far evaluated by a governing body in my field and researching the best way to fill any gaps.

It's taken me a year to get to this point. It's not been epically difficult so far but somewhat time consuming faff.

Someone I did my undergraduate with is hoping to do the same, started looking into it a year before me but made virtually no progress in sorting it out (still hasn't really).

I practically spoon fed them all the documents for initial investigation and now every few weeks they message asking me what to do. There are written guides, easily accessed online. Everything they need is a few clicks away.

I've spent considerable time researching and knowing what steps to take. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting her to just piggyback my own research for progression? We don't work together and her progression would never hamper mine. It's not competition, I just feel like I'm being taken for a mug, doing all the leg work.

OP posts:
1000yardstare · 10/06/2021 05:54

Surely the "time consuming faff" means you can't get to their ridiculous requests.Wink
Ignore.ignore.ignore.

Ilikewinter · 10/06/2021 05:55

Do you see this person, if not id just ignore them!.
If you do see them or need to keep a friendly relationship then id send the links to the websites that you used and advise tell them that you found them really useful, id leave it at that.

sunnysidegold · 10/06/2021 06:00

I'd do what @Ilikewinter suggests and just keep pointing them in the direction of the links you used. They should get the hint eventually.

drpet49 · 10/06/2021 06:14

They are being lazy and probably not upto get standard required. Essentially they just want to plagiarism your work.

EeeByeGummieBear · 10/06/2021 06:40

Yes- just send them the links, eventually. You could also point out how busy you are with it all, and so are struggling to find the time to help.
How frustrating! If they can't be bothered to investigate themselves what they need to do, how motivated are they!

Standrewsschool · 10/06/2021 06:42

Send them a link to the guides then ignore, or keep re-sending the link.

ChampagneJam · 10/06/2021 06:57

@Standrewsschool

Send them a link to the guides then ignore, or keep re-sending the link.
Why keep sending the link? She's not the person's mother, let them sort it out themselves

It sounds like a mammoth task to move up in your area of work, what kind of job is it out of interest?

Original poster
Mmmcheese89 · 10/06/2021 07:07

Its to become a registered on hcpc. It doesn't have to be this challenging, it depends on the route you enter the profession. As my initial plan was academics and research I'm now having to take the longer route. I don't mind the extra work, I can see the benefits in the long term.

I feel I've done enough of the work for them in giving them all the documents they needed. I agree that if they were motivated enough they'd sort it out themselves.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 10/06/2021 07:09

Just send her the links and say this is what I used, it’s very easy, but I can’t complete forms for you, you need to do that and keep repeating

Scrambledcustard · 10/06/2021 07:09

She probably sees you as some kind of mentor with it and as you've already helped so much feels like she can rely on you to pull her through.

I've been in a similar position - I was the person needing help. However nothing worth having is easy and there is a time when they have to stand on their own to feet. Making her do this by herself will ensure she has a firm grasp of what she should be doing and where she should be looking. Your help has almost been intellectual property in a way and she needs to acquire this herself.

It may cause upset, I took offence when help was rescinded but there is only so much hand holding you can do.Her success shouldn't rest with you. In my defence I came from a very mentor driven field where there was always some one there to point you in the right direction ( and got used to the continual support) but some times you just have to go alone.

GnomeDePlume · 10/06/2021 07:15

@Scrambledcustard just wanted to say what a thoughtful and honest post.

Original poster
Mmmcheese89 · 10/06/2021 07:20

@Scrambledcustard thanks for that. I appreciate your honesty.

I don't know how it is in their workplace but I know from uni they weren't the most independent.

I on the other hand have been alone in everything since I turned 16 so struggle to accept help and surrender my independence. Which has its own pitfalls.

OP posts:
InnaBun · 10/06/2021 07:21

As PP have said I'd just send the links you used (don't rush to respond to her emails either). That way you've given her a pointer in the right direction. Though to be honest you don't even have to do that.

SlothMamaToBe · 10/06/2021 07:57

I recently went through something similar with my dissertation. The person even asked me to proof read theirs once they were done looking at my work. Imagine my shock when it was in parts word for word the same as mine!! I couldn’t believe the cheek of it. Never again ! Tread very carefully. YANBU.

Original poster
Mmmcheese89 · 10/06/2021 08:21

Luckily it's nothing to be plagerised.

-I sent them the documents, twice.
-explained how to compile them.
-I told them my outcome, in brief, but theirs may be deferent due to some modules not being the same in undergrad (we had options).
-now they effectively need telling where to study (if they were to get their act together and submit their docs).

The answers are all available on one website. Lots of people in our field do it. I'm not feeding their helplessness anymore.

Thanks everyone for assuring me I'm not just being a knob.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 10/06/2021 10:55

They're being the kid who grabs your homework to copy before class starts because they're too lazy or not as clever as you. Stop helping them!

Shannith · 10/06/2021 10:58

Send them the inks.

Cancel the cheque

IMNOTSHOUTING · 10/06/2021 10:58

Bloody hell OP, you've done way too much already. Some people are like leaches, relying on others hard work and competence. I would just advise them the info is all available online then stop replying.

Whitchurch · 10/06/2021 11:36

Don't do another thing! Don't send links! Just email back and say something like - Honestly, I've given you loads of help but I'm not going to give you all the work I've done. You need to get this done on your own from this point on.

RandomMess · 10/06/2021 11:40

Point out to them self motivation and working out how to do it all is part of the skill set required to do the job!!!

sillysmiles · 10/06/2021 11:57

@Mmmcheese89

Luckily it's nothing to be plagerised.

-I sent them the documents, twice.
-explained how to compile them.
-I told them my outcome, in brief, but theirs may be deferent due to some modules not being the same in undergrad (we had options).
-now they effectively need telling where to study (if they were to get their act together and submit their docs).

The answers are all available on one website. Lots of people in our field do it. I'm not feeding their helplessness anymore.

Thanks everyone for assuring me I'm not just being a knob.

I'm not sure how much more help you are expecting to give? Or does the other person just like to talk to someone who is also going through the same process?
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