To be upset at MIL over pregnancy

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi everyone, I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and we told all our family a few weeks back. Most were absolutely thrilled but my MIL although she said she was happy at the time seemed a bit disappointed because she was hoping it would be her other child who had a baby first. She even made a comment saying something like "oh so you beat X to it then". Anyway fast forward a couple of weeks and to everyone's suprise MIL's other child announced they were expecting too. Myself and my partner are obviously very happy for them but it upset me how MIL reacted to their news. She apparently burst into happy tears and has been thrilled to bits. I am a bit upset because she might think more of the other grandchild than ours. I've shown her some scan photos and whilst she is interested, she made a comment saying she hopes X is the one to have a boy because shes always wanted a grandson and would rather us have a girl. Should I call her out on this as I don't think it's particularly nice? I've always got on really well with MIL so I don't really get why she doesn't seem as happy for us as she does with her other child.

Is her other son her favourite?

It's d be grateful that she was doing this now rather than after the arrival of my child. You now have time to adjust your expectations of what you should expect from her.

Yanbu to be upset that somebody you previously considered close is behaving in an unexpected way

Perfect response by @Soundbyte who's been through it. Heed their advice OP and just give you rself some distance from her.

Maybe the other 'dil' isn't as strong a character as you and mil knows she will be able to get her hands more on that dc....

What a vile woman. Distance yourself and if she pays an interest then tell her bare minimum.

Lucky escape though.

My MIL is WAY more excited/interested in her daughter’s baby than she is with any of her sons’ children but my husband isn’t bothered and neither am I, my side of the family adore my kids and that’s more than enough. I’m just sooooo sick of hearing all about grandson X as I find him to be a really highly strung, largely miserable baby who’s bad mood for the last 6 months has been blamed on him teething when he’s yet to get a tooth and who’s neurotic parents shush you constantly and won’t allow text alerts, showers, voices above a whisper when he’s asleep upstairs yet think he’s an angel. God it was good to get that off my chest!

Also op at least you know her feelings. You need to never have to take them into account.. My ils dumped my ds when sil's ds arrived a year later.. I backed away and took the dc with me. Leave any relationship between dc +mil to your dh.

She sounds vile, beyond irritating and nasty.
Your DH should 100% meet up with her and tell her how hurtful and rude her reaction has been and let her know unless she’s willing to address them, apologise and drastically alter her behaviour you won’t want to be around her for the rest of your pregnancy and will struggle to want her involved in your child’s life. She sounds toxic.

You think you’ve heard it all, then another thread with a batty MIL comes along. So sorry you’ve had to go through this OP. She sounds awful - I could have maybe thought she was just letting the exciting prospect of zero-multiple grandchildren get to her, up until the bit where she said she hoped you had a girl as she’d rather the longed for DGS is on the other side. That’s just really, really low. You are pregnant, you don’t need this stress and this isn’t your battle to fight. If your OH wants to say something, let him but otherwise thank your lucky stars that her attention will be elsewhere when you have your baby…

Why don't you just have a quiet word with her and explain how upsetting this all is to you? She probably doesn't realize. What happens if you have a boy and her other DS has a girl?

Ime the quiet word will make you feel more shit.. I spoke to mil about her lack of relationship with my dc as sil and her dc were there every single day and didn't get a look in. She spoke to sil and they agreed between them sil would stay away on a Monday and a Thursday between 3.30 and 5pm. That was the absolute most mil ever saw my dc. No trips out. No sleepovers.. No round for tea. Nothing... Ils bought a huge static caravan so they had somewhere to take sil's dc' to give sil a break'.... Mine were never invited...

How hurtful.

My MIL would absolutely come out with this sort of crap, we just weren't supposed to mind
Our fab dds are most definitely the least favoured grandchildren but that has also meant we could keep her at arms length & ignore her to a certain extent.
My dh has been great because he doesn't try to pretend his mum is anything better than she is. Hopefully your dp will help you too.
Stuff her & her rude opinions, focus on people who genuinely care & enjoy your pregnancy.

Had the exact same experience when we told my fiancé’s nana that we were pregnant. She said “oh I know someone who will be gutted about that” meaning my fiancé’s cousin and his wife who had openly told her that they were trying for a baby! We hadn’t told anyone, mainly because we fell on the first month of trying!! We were pissed off and so was my MIL at her mum’s comment! Felt like we shouldn’t have been trying at the same time as them as they’ve been married 5 years and appear to be struggling to conceive- as if that’s our fault! Definitely ruined the moment but I didn’t care, she’s obviously okay now and has been knitting for us! How your MIL reacted is disgusting you should definitely say something.

Oh she sounds absolutely beastly. I'd find her comment about hoping you have a daughter because she's always wanted a grandson unforgivable. I think she's just opted herself out of having anything to do with your pregnancy and future grandchild. We can all say light-heartedly that that's a win but what she's said is very hurtful. I'd struggle to talk to her again after that and I don't think you would be unreasonable not to. Ghastly woman.

My mil burst into tears of despair when we announced our second. Then we lost it. Bitch.

Wow that's really rude of her OP. I'd have DH speak to her. How does he feel about it? Must be quite hurtful since she's his mum.

My sibling was upset that our mum was subdued when they rang her to announce pregnancy.... What they couldn't see was she was sat in hospital with me waiting for my latest miscarriage to be confirmed....

Sometimes there are things going on you just aren't aware of.

I'd just ignore at this stage or ask your partner to deal with.

it's good that you've had a very early warning of what she'll be like and you can act accordingly. Also make sure dh is dealing with her.

PIL always called SIL DC 'ours'.
That was just the tip of the favouritism iceberg tbh.

That’s hurtful.

Very very horrible. She is telling you who she is. Pull back from her. Don't let yourself get hurt. She's wrong to do this.

While I understand why you’re pissed off with her attitude you’re getting off lightly here. Her other DIL is in for a rough ride by the sound of it because she will have your MIL breathing down her neck a lot, especially if she has a son. I’d be backing away now if I was you and letting your partner, her son, deal with his mother, if only to spare yourself from her thoughtless bollocks.

I'd call her out but it doesnt need to be confrontational. I'd just have said 'I don't get it, if you want a grandson why does it matter which son has their own son?'

Looks like X is her favourite child.

I'd be upset if it was my mother. But if it's just MIL - I personally wouldn't care that much.