Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to be left alone..for 5 minutes

27 replies

Itshotouthere · 09/06/2021 12:03

Sahm to toddler Dd, almost 3, previously worked all my life will return next year. Is anyone else in a similar situation and is just never, ever, alone? Dd is particularly shouty and difficult and the moment as she exerts her independence further. She barely naps but is clearly tired, then can take two or three hours until she gets to sleep at night. Dp works from 8-6, and we alternate bedtimes..it just feels like I’m never alone to catch my thoughts, feel guilty for feeling like this but Dd rarely plays alone and is very talkative, which is great, but she never stops! She will go to nursery part time in September and I’m holding on for dear life.
Weekends aren’t ever a break either as we often have lots to do, which is lovely, but no down time, if we stay at home, it’s often harder as she needs constant occupying.
Anyone else feel like this, is it normal??

OP posts:
Original poster
Itshotouthere · 09/06/2021 12:04

*At the moment

OP posts:
AnneTwackie · 09/06/2021 12:08

Same here, I make sure my partner and I get two hours free each weekend though or I’d go INSANE

TheGumption · 09/06/2021 12:10

Yanbu this age is hard in my opinion. My 3 year old whines "muuuuuum" all day. All. Day.
Even if I'm literally right there playing in the sand pit with him or we're painting together it's "muuum..muuum". Quite often he doesn't actually want anything. He just seems to be stuck on repeat and it drives me mad. My other children are 8, 5 and 1 and they're easier all together than my 3 year old is on his own!
I feel the 3-4 age range is seriously difficult and frustrating and then they're a bit more reasonable and enjoyable.
Nursery will help! Theynget to make friends of their own and develop a bit more socially. Hang in there.

Pewpew · 09/06/2021 12:11

Yep completely! It will get easy as she gets older/goes-to nursery then school etc.

Original poster
Itshotouthere · 09/06/2021 12:19

It’s hot at the moment, so I’ve set up the paddling pool, she has a sand pit, slide, swings etc and still she just wants to climb all over me 🙈then I start to feel guilty, but we did crafts all yesterday, read stories, we bake a lot, go out a lot, just 10 minutes to properly sit would be good!

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 09/06/2021 12:41

Is your dp wfh? Of he is could he take his lunch break with her maybe having his lunch with her whilst you do something by yourself (coffee in the garden etc) before joining them.

Are there things she can do by herself. For example my 7yr old is like this sometimes (thankfully not constantly!) and I'll say to him - got and get your swimming kit together/on and then we'll do X. Or sometimes I just say to him mummy needs 5 minutes with a cuppa off you go and find something to do... then I feel guilty for moaning at the older one for necer wanting to be in my company!!! Grin

Original poster
Itshotouthere · 09/06/2021 12:47

@LittleOwl153 He works out of the house around 30 minutes away, so we don’t see him until he gets home. I often say ‘Mummy’s having a break now’ which I feel guilty about, but it doesn’t really mean anything to her and she still wants to be near me/wants me to play on the carpet etc 😩

OP posts:
BigusBumus · 09/06/2021 12:50

I am alone in the house at the moment (apart from the roofers above me making a racket). But two oldest DSs are out at work and youngest DS is at school. DH has just left to go on a short break to Scotland with other members of his Lambretta club).

IT IS FUCKING BLISS.

LittleOwl153 · 09/06/2021 14:14

@Itshotouthere I absolutely feel for you. It is a nightmare not getting any space to yourself. Mine are now thankfully at school - it is the just the DH WFH who is driving me mad!

Can you DH not take her out for half an hour when he gets in or over the weekend? Mine used to pile the younger one into the pushchair and the older one on a scooter and just go for a walk at least once over the weekend - even if they only went to the park on the next street. He still does this now sometimes!

Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 14:19

Feel you!
Can DH and DD have a daddy daughter day on a weekend? Give you some breathing space.
Do you have family around to help?
Is there any playgroups on?

cheeseychovolate · 09/06/2021 14:22

Could she play on your phone or tablet for 15 minutes while you have a cuppa?

eatitgood · 09/06/2021 14:26

Yanbu.

There is nothing more exciting than when my dh goes to work, my kids go to school and my toddler goes to grandparents.

BoredOfCbeebies · 09/06/2021 14:31

Know exactly how you feel. Our solution was to set aside some time once a week to do our own thing. You could have a couple of hours to yourself on Saturday morning, and DH has Sunday morning, for example.
Are there any toddler classes or playgroups you could take her to? I find that helps. Or arrange a playdate? Often two 3 year olds can be easier than 2, as they entertain themselves

Hankunamatata · 09/06/2021 14:34

yep and being touched out. I was glad to go back part time after each of mine - hot coffee, adult convo and no one touching me

inmyslippers · 09/06/2021 14:35

This is such a hard age. I used to hate being constantly climbed over and touched. Is one day a week or even half a day at nursery feasible? Relatives that could baby sit? Failing that I spent lots of time outside to help break up the day. Home always felt claustrophobic.

BluebellsGreenbells · 09/06/2021 14:38

We used to tag team at the weekends

I’d take them out in the morning and DH would take them one afternoon.

Worked wonders!

If you do that - do not catch up on housework! Sit, read, watch TV, but no work!

weegiepower · 09/06/2021 14:43

I have 2 dcs, 5 and 3, have always been a sahm, eldest is at school and youngest just started pre school a couple mornings a week. When they're both not here I miss them like CRAZY, I get all "what the point in my existence?!" Even though I am also self employed so have that. But as soon as I get them both back and the eldest has said "mummy watch this!" For the 25th time in 10 minutes and the youngest has asked for sweets for the millionth time and the toy he can't find that he had 30 seconds ago, I wonder why I feel like I did when they were at school!!

RightYesButNo · 09/06/2021 14:46

[quote Itshotouthere]@LittleOwl153 He works out of the house around 30 minutes away, so we don’t see him until he gets home. I often say ‘Mummy’s having a break now’ which I feel guilty about, but it doesn’t really mean anything to her and she still wants to be near me/wants me to play on the carpet etc 😩[/quote]
Do NOT feel guilty. Do hand her to him when he gets home and tell HIM (not her since she won’t understand), “I need a break,” and tell her, “Mummy is having some quiet time,” and then either go in your bedroom and close the door for 20 minutes or if you must be out of the house or she’ll cry/tantrum at this phase, then walk out the front door and either walk around the corner and sit down on the nearest sitting space you come to, or take your car for a short drive and sit in it. And then when it doesn’t feel quite so desperate, work out each of you adults having a time period to yourselves during the weekend (like a PP said, it can be just two hours, but you need that, to do whatever activities are outside of being, “Muuum muuum muuuuuum”).

OverTheRubicon · 09/06/2021 14:50

To a degree. But also, with one child and alternating bedtimes, then surely you have at least from 7pm 3-4 nights a week, and time at the weekend if you can tag team at all? Also only 4 months until you'll be at home with one child in nursery, which is generally a fairly pleasant place to be.

It is almost always possible to knock 2-3 hour bedtimes on the head, and that will give you a lot of time and stress back too. The No Cry Toddler Sleep Solution is good if you want to he gentler, or rapid return and similar can be good, also audiobooks when you leave the room. I'm a single mum to 3 including a toddler who is with me every night, and I've had to be a lot tougher with sleep times for the same reason, otherwise I feel like I have no time at all - so often it seems impossible, but after a week you can suddenly see a lot of progress and it is so worth it.

It also really helps to make them either a part of housework or other jobs or happy to sit while you do them. Folding washing with a 2 year old can take longer, but it's better than playing doll hospital for hours at a time and then having to do the laundry in the only time you have to yourself - same thing goes for hoovering, cleaning the kitchen, gardening etc. Often at this age they really like to help as well. Or if you're going back to work and can afford it, getting a cleaner is very worth it.

FrumpyBetty · 09/06/2021 14:51

Don't feel bad in making her play alone for a while, it's a good skill to have.

What is she like with another child about? I used to invite a kid over to get a break from mine as they played together so nicely !

RightYesButNo · 09/06/2021 14:54

Also, is she not going to nursery until September because that’s when she turns 3 and gets her free hours? If she turns 3 sooner, you don’t have to wait for an arbitrary date. While primary or secondary may start fall term around August or September, nursery starts whenever you need it*, and it sounds like you need it, at least a few mornings a week.

*unless it’s a school-attached nursery and they’ve designed certain welcoming activities in September

Abracadabra12345 · 09/06/2021 15:09

@FrumpyBetty

Don't feel bad in making her play alone for a while, it's a good skill to have.

What is she like with another child about? I used to invite a kid over to get a break from mine as they played together so nicely !

I agree about learning to play alone.

Back in the day when my kids were that age (the oldest is 30 now!), each child had “rest time” for an hour or so in their bedroom and napped or played alone. This was considered old-fashioned parenting even in my day but used to be the norm. I’d hear my friends complaining of how exhausted they felt and said nothing as my approach probably sounded punitive to them. It wasn’t of course, and my daughter remembers those as her favourite times when she got a break from others.

As the children rested, so did I. No housework, just chilling and we came back together, refreshed.

Taking turns at weekends with your dh to take your dd out is also the way to go and it’s what we did too

idontlikealdi · 09/06/2021 15:11

Totally normal.

We also had quiet time with Dts when they dropped their nap. They went into their room with a stair gate, blinds shut. Usually trashed the room but I got an hour of peace and not being touched.

HavelockVetinari · 09/06/2021 15:14

In my experience there's a massive difference between nearly 3 and nearly 4 in terms of independent play. You're so close, she'll be getting more and more independent as the year goes on.

eandz13 · 09/06/2021 15:52

I have 3 under 5. I can't remember the last time I had a thought that wasn't interrupted by someone asking me to wipe their bum or some other demand/wail/nonsensical question. I consider going to work a massive break for me. On the very VERY rare occasion they're out with their dad for a few hours... I have absolutely no idea what to do with the silence and get bored and want them home Grin