To do this our way?

[ABitTornAndABitSad]

I'm pregnant with my first.

I don't have any family. DH is an only child, albeit that his Dad has 3 older children who have 7 grandchildren between them. He has had no contact with any of them since he married DH's mum. They are nice people, we see them often and I'm very fond of them, but they like things to be done their way and will kick off until they get it, which is awkward at times.

DH & I are quite private and don't want to make the pregnancy 'public' until later on. We've told our closest friends, but we won't do an announcement, and we're not going to tell wider friends/work etc until a bit further down the line. It will have an impact on my career otherwise, due to the timings of promotions etc this year.

I'm due in the Winter - if it's allowed, we're happy for them to come and meet baby at the hospital when we're feeling okay, but we'd like some time to ourselves to settle in at home after that. We've got no room at home for visitors anyway, really, I'm worried about how a baby is going to fit!

I'd like to breastfeed, if I can.

DH told his parents early - he was really excited. His mum sobbed for what felt like five years, and his Dad didn't react at all. We explained that we wanted to keep it quiet for a while, which they understood, and then his mum asked if I planned to be one of those selfish women who breastfeed so that nobody else gets a turn, and his Dad said his only advice was to start physical discipline young so that the baby is well behaved. It was pretty awkward and eventually the conversation was changed.

The next day they called to say that it was a shock but they're very happy for us - and to ask DH if they could start telling people.

They've called twice a week since to ask if they can tell people and say that we're ruining the fun and they want to share the news and that we knew they were impatient and shouldn't expect them to keep it to themselves.

I'm dreading telling them anything else... DH has spoken to them about the constant asking yesterday, which made his mum cry, and then made me feel bad. He's said we'll stick to what we've decided, and they'll learn to live with it... but I know there will be loads of tears and messages about us pushing them out first.

Is it unreasonable to plan to stick to these? Are we being really selfish? We are really excited, but I have friends who really regretted letting people walk over their first few months, and the in-laws have history... his mum cried on our wedding day because it wasn't what she'd imagined for her son, and has had our photos professionally photoshopped

These two are unhinged and unboundaried.

They seem deluded and entitled enough to believe they have ANY say in your lives.

There comments are both disgusting and concerning.

Often with these types a DGC triggers all sorts of shocking overbearing and judgmental behaviors.

I would take this as as a big red flag and prepare and regroup accordingly.

They cannot be trusted and they will rid roughshod over your family life. When you are a new mother, vulnerable and hormonal they have the capacity to cause much distress.

Step well back. Get your DH to be v blunt that you will not be entertaining any of suggestions and they have the option to back off and be respectful or not be involved at all.

Your MIL is a loon and your FIL gross. They could ruin your motherhood.

They sound like a nightmare, you're going to need to be strong with this.

Physically disciplining a baby 😂

What a fucking idiot.

Your IL's sound very odd . But unless you work in their family business I think you're panicking unnecessarily about them telling anybody who could possibly matter to you or make any difference to your lives.

If they tell their friends /neighbours. so what? Your friends and work colleagues are very unlikely to hear it from them.

Try looking at it another way. They have given you advance warning never to share with them anything private or confidential. You now know that MIL is a deranged , manipulative drama queen who will over-ride any decisions or personal choices you make.

So if they want any contact at all with her only grandchild, FROM NOW ON you call the shots. If she oversteps the mark, then she'll pay the price. She won't be coming to the hospital to visit. She will only see the child in your home at times decided by you, etc etc.
If she makes one more comment on breastfeeding, she won't see the child until it's been weaned .

Starting with, they are not going to spoil/interfere with your and DH's happy pregnancy in any way shape or form. It's DH's job to explain all to them that BECAUSE OF MIL everything has changed, and THIS is how things are going to be from now on.

I love your DH.
not a lot of men in his situation will stand up to their parents. He is awesome and the best team mate you could wish for.
And I'm totally with him, stick to your guns, be firm and don't let them manipulate you or feel guilty!!!

And your gut instinct is right. don't ever tell them anything again, not ever. never ever ever. you know what they were like before sharing your news, now they know they are already getting worse.
people like them never stop.
so any info from now on must be strictly need to know.

and if you haven't told them due date yet just lie and say it's a month later than what it is. trust me, you'll save yourself a lot of being bothered that way!!

your MIL sounds horrible btw. what a narcissistic cow