I've fallen out with my best friend and I'm really upset about it.
She's been through a lot these past few years - the father of her 4 year old walked out while she was pregnant and he has never had anything to do with the child. Being a single parent is really hard for her. She struggles financially, her son has severe behavioural issues e.g. headbutting and verbally abusing his mum. Also, to be honest, parenting hasn't come naturally to my best friend. I think she thought having a kid would be easy and she'd have a cute little best mate following her around. She has actually been reported to social services by a neighbour because of the issues she has with her son.
I've done all I can to support her through this - I've taken her son overnight to give her a break, helped financially, and I'm always at the end of the phone. We (usually) talk every day, about all sorts of things, but she does spend a lot of time complaining to me about how hard her life is and how unfair everything is. I do my best to be empathetic because I love her to bits, although it can be quite draining. I often try to suggest solutions to her problems. For example, she does a 200 mile round trip each day for work, so I've suggested (more than once) that she finds a local job, which she's not prepared to do.
She goes out partying at least once a week, which again, I think could and should be reduced, although I haven't actually said that to her because I know the response will be "you don't get it, I need a break". Privately I think the money could be better spent elsewhere and she needs to spend more time with her son to improve their relationship.
The only reason she's able to commute for 5 hours a day, go out so often etc. is because her step-mum looks after her son. She finds it incredibly hard because a) she's getting on in age and suffers from chronic pain and b) her grandson runs rings around her, but she does it whenever she's called upon. As a result her life has been basically on hold for 4 years. If she books a holiday for herself, my friend kicks off.
My friend is now not talking to me because, for once, I didn't indulge her when she was in "woe is me" mode. She said something like "I'll get through these covid vaccine side effects alone, just like I do everything else in life" and I replied saying that her step-mum might be insulted to hear that, given she does so much for her. She didn't like that and is now reading, but not responding to, my text messages.
My friend doesn't recognise or appreciate what her step-mum does for her and I really think that's unfair. That's why I said it.
Was I unreasonable to say what I did? How can I repair it?
Any thoughts, suggestions etc. would be appreciated.