Help with children’s friendships

[QueenoftheSandcastle]

My DC are very young (3 and 5) and I need some tips from more experienced parents of older children on how not to get too emotionally involved in their friendship issues so I don’t make them think it’s a big deal! But because it’s all so new to me (especially after lockdown), every little comment or playground drama feels like a big deal. So I am asking you how I find and get a grip .

So today, the older one has come home and said that one of the other girls “always takes all the other girls to play a game so I have to play with the boys”. The younger is in a class with my best friend’s DC, but that child clearly prefers playing with another child when she’s there, and only plays with mine on days when she’s not. So today it was, “A and B said they wouldn’t play with me today and it made me sad.”

I just told the older one to join in or enjoy playing with the boys, and I just told the younger one that we all play with different people sometimes and it was fun to find another friend to play with.

But it’s upset me irrationally, and I have no idea how I’ll cope when they get bigger and the dramas get bigger or if something bad actually does happen! I really really don’t want to be that parent, I need to learn what’s important and when to leave them to get on with it and where the line is for saying something (to be clear, I do know it’s definitely not been crossed here, I won’t be mentioning it even to my friend!).

TIA

Placeholding. Just finished refereeing a squabble between DD and next door's DD because one wanted to play out and the other wanted to sit in and watch a film on her own. It should have been a mild breeze in a tea-cup, but it feels like it sank the Titantic (yeah, mixed metaphor. Sue me).

Sympathy to OP. I find navigating my own friendships tough, never mind pre-school ones.

I think you said exactly the right thing to dc. If you are worried you could have a quiet chat with teachers about how they think DC are doing on the social front.

Yes just ask the TA to keep an eye out in the playground to make sure children are happy. Often what they tell us is not what we imagine and our brains go off on catastrophe lane !

Just because it’s YOUR bf’s child doesn’t mean they will be YOUR child’s bf. Sad that they’re using your child when they’re buddy isn’t there though.

Be sympathetic but leave them to it, it goes on for years and they work it out!
Bullying is different but these squabbles literally happen all the time. If you’re really worried, just ask the teacher to keep an eye

Sorry OP, at the moment this seems like the worst thing in the world to you. Next week the children may all have a shift around and decide to play with other children.
As a pp said if you are worried ask for a word with the TA. Ask if they have noticed anything and could keep an eye out . However for your own sake, gently explain to your children that sometimes they may want to play by themselves or they could ask other people to play with them.
I know that in some primary schools they used to have 'friend stops' (like little bus stops ). If a child was feeling lonely or sad they could go and sit/stand there and other children could come and collect them to play. You are doing your best and I'm sure you will continue to do so but please try not to let it upset you. 💐

Thank you so much all, you’ve been very kind, some things to keep reminding myself of on here.

I know logically that it’s not up to me whom anyone plays with, but there is something about thinking someone doesn’t want to play with your DC that gets to you far more than anything anyone could say to you about yourself!