AIBU to ask my mum to babysit...

[Lan2020]

My partner and I are going to a wedding in 2 weeks and our 2 year old is invited, so no issues there.
He's a very high energy child and won't sit still for 2 minutes. There is absolutely no way he will be still or quiet for the ceremony. He's also not one for sleeping early or in a pram, so will happily be awake until midnight.

Also, it would be lovely to have a day/evening with just my DP and no child. Since his birth I've not had one night off. I'm not complaining as I know many others are the same and we have had lockdown.
We have no family near as my family live 100 miles away, hence the babysitting issue.

I'm very close to my mum and she has a very strong bond with my eldest as we visited regularly with him. Unfortunately lockdown started when my youngest was 10.months and as a result, he's never been left with anyone. The first few times we saw my mum after lockdown (or anyone) he would scream. He's getting better with her and more relaxed, however still cries if he notices me leave the room.

So, do I ask if my mum would mind babysitting him? Baring in mind he is a high energy and demanding toddler who will probably get upset when we leave. Or do I leave him as I know he will be perfectly safe? Part of me thinks it's important he gets used to being around other people, especially my family and he needs to be left at some point.
Or do we just take him?

There is no real option of leaving him with her gradually, seeing her more regularly as she lives far away. However, I will visit the weekend before the wedding and we have seen her a few times recently.

Also, she would have him in our house (familiar surroundings) and my eldest would be there (baby loves him).
The wedding is 35 mins away and we wouldn't stay overnight. So we would be away around 1pm-12am.

So AIBU to ask my mum to babysit?

I would; I think the fact that he’s in his own environment will help him settle.

I don’t think there’s a issue with asking, is it possible that your mum could come down two days/day before so your two year old gets used to your mum in his own setting before you leave?

Leave him if she's willing and go enjoy yourself

I would get her to come down the day before. I just know how hard he is! My eldest was a calm child and could be left with any family member. The toddler is non stop, he's also quite demanding and ahouty so I worry about him.being hard work..however, k equally worry that he will never get used to anyone if I don't leave him.

Please excuse the typos from my phone. Unable to edit.

YANBU at all. It’s hard work taking toddlers to weddings, I’ve done it once and I wouldn’t choose to do so again unless I had no other choice

Speak to her and see what she says. She might love the chance. Just don’t be unfair if she’s uncomfortable with it.

Make it very clear to your DM how much work he is. After that it’s her decision.

The only other thing I’d say is - have the couple paid for a meal for him on the basis he’s going?

It’s quite short notice to change how many of you are going (is your older child also meant to be going? So two last minute cancellations?)

In that situation i’d be offering to cover the cost of the meals to the couple while explaining you just felt your youngest would be disruptive.

@MinnieMountain she knows as we have visited a few times recently and I will make it very clear that it's completely fine if she doesn't want to.

@JustLyra the older 2 (my partner and I both have a child from a previous relationship) aren't coming due to Covid numbers and school exams (wedding on a Thursday-they asked if they were coming last year and at the time we didn't know the exam situation).

We have always said we will try and get a babysitter for the youngest however I completely understand the Mela situation and will be offering to pay for his meal if he doesn't come.

*meal

YANBU

Get yourself with your DP at the wedding.

Weddings aren’t ideal for kids tbh they end up bored and you can’t relax.

I’m sure your mum would love to have him and spend him quality time with him.
Their all handfuls at that age, mine is no different, whirlwind from the second he gets up until bedtime.

As long as your mum knows how to settle him, deal with whatever situation and I see no harm.

Your also maybe abit more nervous about it as it’ll be the first time you’ve left him with someone.

Enjoy not get

Ask her but don’t be upset if she says no