AIBU to ask you to give me a kick up the ass?

[Ducksgoquackk]

Name changed for this.

Years ago I was in an emotional and physical abusive relationship.

I've recently started seeing someone new and we message/talk every day. About 3 weeks ago I expressed how I was feeling and he didn't reply for 2 days which was unusual. Last Tuesday I tried expressing how I feel and he messaged me yesterday (6 days later) with no reference to it. Today he has asked me if I am ok and I have explained that my ex used to use the silent treatment as a form of emotional abuse and him going quiet when I express my feelings has triggered me. I wasn't blaming him or trying to cause an argument, just trying to express the effect this has had on me which I wasn't expecting in the hope of avoiding it in the future.

He has read the message (thanks WhatsApp ticks!) and hasn't responded. Please give me a kick up the ass/tell me I'm doing the right thing by calling it off now before I repeat the same cycle.

I would! He is either emotionally awkward and will be unable to deal with any kind of emotional discussion which will be hard if you've been through a lot, or incredibly insensitive, or both.

Definitely doing the right thing by calling it off.

Tbh, a guy not being in touch for six entire days after messaging daily has already called it off by ghosting you imo. You shouldn't need to message after this to formally end it but you can do if you like!

I have no intention of messaging him but half expecting a message acting like everything is fine and not acknowledging it and worried I'll end up succumbing and convincing myself I'm overreacting and letting it continue

@Ducksgoquackk

I have no intention of messaging him but half expecting a message acting like everything is fine and not acknowledging it and worried I'll end up succumbing and convincing myself I'm overreacting and letting it continue

Draw a line under it then and then block him.

A quick message 'it's been nice getting to know you, I don't think we're a match romantically but wish you all the best for the future! Take care'

would be appropriate I think. Then once he's replied, or before he can, you can block him and then you won't be tempted to listen to him trying to wheedle back in (not that I think he will bother).

YANBU. If you usually message often pointedly ignoring a message, especially one which was emotional is rubbish behaviour. He asked if you were OK and you gave an honest, rational explanation. You're behaving like a mature, functioning adult who is trying to build a relationship. If he doesn't respond in kind at least you've odged a bullet.

When you say 'expressed how you feel' did you mean about him, or just in general? If you've not been seeing him very long he may not feel comfortable or really know how to respond if you've got quite 'deep' about your feelings and telling him his response is 'triggering' for you might just make him feel like it's all a bit too much like hard work. I don't think he's necessarily an arsehole. Women on here are told to run a mile from the slightest hint of red flags or emotional baggage in the early stages of a relationship.. Maybe he's just doing the same.

A quick message 'it's been nice getting to know you, I don't think we're a match romantically but wish you all the best for the future! Take care'

This is perfect. Send it, then block him.

He's not what you are looking for and there's nothing positive to be gained by hanging on.

He probably can’t handle emotions. There’s no point having a man like that.