To want to undo all the body shaming in my mind and be confident ?!

[Hppymum123]

So tired of constantly worrying are my legs too big, are they looking at my cellulite, am I showing too much cleavage? I’ve noticed recently how I’ve picked up all these thoughts over my childhood/lifetime and want to stop it now and NOT pass on to my own DC. How do you do it? Anyone else feel the same?

Yes I feel the same. Listening to podcasts and following certain accounts on instagram has really helped, as has taking a self compassion course last year (that was life changing). Those things have helped but not solved it, it's something I have to work at constantly.

Yoga has helped me a lot.

Plus bizarrely lately, cold water swimming.. Am proud of what my body can do and also kind of detached from it..

I feel the same too OP. I lost a couple stone a couple years ago going from a 16/18 to a 12. I'm a 12-14 now after putting a few pounds on last lockdown and I'm constantly battling with myself to get back on a strict diet and get it off again, but then half of me thinks life is too short.

Wear what you want, get your shoulders up and act confident, I can guarantee no-one is paying as much attention as you think (in a negative way, anyway!) Follow some body positive people on social media if you're on there.

Yes I couldn’t agree more. I just went for a power walk in shorts and a vest top and felt self conscious the entire time, wishing it was winter as that would mean being far more covered up. It’s so shit. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been and subconsciously I obviously still feel like it isn’t enough.

Start a hobby that promotes body positivity and self esteem. Dance, burlesque or something like that.

@Hppymum123 Hi op i use to feel the same even many years ago when I was slim I considered myself fat and unattractive and worried what people thought of me. Im alot bigger now I'm older and had children and I have learned over the years that comparing myself to others or worrying what other people think of me just robs you of who you are., if someone thought I had a massive arse or big belly or could see my lumpy legs I would not know unless they said it to me which many people would not do. I take no notice of what other people look like really, people come in all shapes and sizes and I kept telling myself this I've also drummed this into my children especially my daughter she is never to worry about how she looks or compare herself to anyone else. Wear what you want op and don't give anyone else a thought

@Lalliebelle I'd be interested in a self compassion course, where did you find it?

Yoga, self compassion meditations etc.
What has been helping me lately is my little dd toddling around completely free of self judgement, wearing whatever I put on her and not giving it a thought. She always looks perfect, even covered in mud, hair everywhere, tummy sticking out. She makes me want to be like her, loving life and not even aware of any opinion of her that isn't unconditional love.
I have struggled with eating disorders and self acceptance for my whole life, and I look at my kids and hope they don't suffer the same, I have made it my mission to help myself recover so I am a good role model for them. Good luck to you xx

I feel this, I was raised with lots of comments about my body shape and size, I was not overweight at all but because I loved sport I had a strong physique and I was told a lot by family members that I was 'hefty' etc and not as feminine shaped as my sisters.

I have a daughter and goddaughters now and I'm really conscious of how to talk about bodies in front of them, including my own. Of course I would never use the words/jokes that were directed to me but I know sometimes subconscious things are even worse.

I try to focus on what bodies can do rather than what they look like, so I talk about being healthy, what food is for etc. Even in small ways like "where did that food go? It's running around your body to give you lots of energy!" etc. And playing games we talk about strength, balance, coordination etc. Obviously not all the time, these are just examples, I'm not banging on about it!

I think making an effort to do this with them though has made me think of my own body more in the same way, so I'm a bit more likely these days to think I'm proud of myself for managing to do X amount of exercise etc rather than thinking oh I wish my stomach was flat etc.

Brene brown writes a lot about shame. Kristin Neff good on self compassion.

[quote addler]@Lalliebelle I'd be interested in a self compassion course, where did you find it?[/quote]
It's here, 29k.org a free eight week course.

I get this, and I don't even have DC to worry about inheriting negative influences from me! I'm 4lb up on my usual weight due to a year of WFH/proximity to biscuit tin, and I am so hateful to myself. I'm still in a size 10, and no-one else would even notice, but I am not sure how to get out of the horrible negative self-talk, other than just knuckle down and lose the bloody weight.

I follow loads of body positive accounts on Instagram, and look at the women and think they all look amazing - why can't I feel like that about myself?

So no advice, OP, but empathy! Following for tips.

Try naturism, you'll find nobody cares what you look like and you'll stop judging yourself. There's bound to be a club nearby and it's a great time of year to start.

I’ve been working on this the last couple of years. Had challenges from childhood where my Mum would criticise my weight/body shape, I think to try and motivate me to lose weight. Left me with seriously unhealthy eating habits.
Two things that have really helped me are following Rebelfit and joining the missions, where the founder coaches you with challenges mindsets, habits, perspectives. Through that I’ve learned to stop weighing myself - I put far too much value in the number on the scales. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost weight based on clothes and photos! It’s been a long process to undo the damage done by long term dieting, negative comments, diet clubs but worth it. I feel better about myself than I have in years.

The other thing is I’ve joined a local ladies gym, focused on weight/power lifting. I did basic strength training to start and have just started the weight lifting. It is so empowering, I absolutely love it! They said I’ll notice body changes quite quickly too.

So sad to hear so many others feel the same! Thank you for all the tips!