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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to call in?

25 replies

wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 09:28

I work in a fast paced job. On my feet every day. I have a little baby and only recently gone back. I called in sick today. Plenty of notice but just needed a mental health break. I've had mental health issues since having her and I couldn't face it today. I've gone back to 50 hour weeks plus my child. My partner works the same amount and we split shifts so someone is always here with little girl. But I feel guilty now. I really needed that break

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 08/06/2021 09:31

YANBU but I'd have used holiday - I try and stay on top of my mental health and have planned breaks if I can

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 09:33

Holiday has to be booked weeks in advance. I'm not lazy and I'm not work shy. I just really needed some time to recharge my batteries

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 08/06/2021 09:33

As a one off it's not the end of the world, but if you already feel the need of it now when you've just gone back, how long will it be when you feel you need it again, and then again, at which point, it will become an issue. Is it sustainable for you to continue to work these shifts?

Spied · 08/06/2021 09:35

Yanbu but I totally understand how you feel guilty.
I've done similar and actually made myself feel worse ruminating.
Op, it's done now. Stop trying to justify it in your mind. Enjoy your day and look after yourself.

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 09:35

@viviainsomnia one of those questions where no its not feasible for my health or for anything but covid wiped our savings and we have no family or friends nearby to watch her so we have to work opposite shifts so someone can be here for her. Cannot afford to put her into nursery until the free.hours start. We had savings and were going to put her into nursery which was the plan when I was pregnant. Then covid hit and we were affected financially very hard. So now we have to. One of those crappy situations

OP posts:
Overthebow · 08/06/2021 09:37

If you’ve only just gone back then it could look bad. I’d have taken it as holiday too. Could you book some holiday in over the next couple of months to give yourself a break? 50 hours is long hours to work with a baby. If you’re struggling you might need to look at cutting down hours.

Overthebow · 08/06/2021 09:44

Cross posted with your last one. If you can’t cut down hours, I’d really look at booking in regular holiday days to give yourself a break. I think most people would struggle with the hours you’re trying to do with a baby, but you can’t take sick days off every time you need a break. You need a plan to get through the next year or so, maybe book a day a month off just for you?

Moonshine11 · 08/06/2021 09:48

I would book a day or two in advance so you know your getting a break and it’ll keep you going.
How old is your DD?
Do you have any playgroups around? These generally tend to be a lot cheaper than nursery’s (£10 for 3 hours round mine)
50 hours is a lot I couldn’t imagine doing it, no wonder you need the break.

KarmaStar · 08/06/2021 09:50

I understand but also think it was unprofessional and you won't look great from work colleagues point of view.
Are you sure you can cope full time?you're in a very difficult position and you're under great pressure due to covid ,I don't have an answer but I hope at least you can get some rest today.is there any chance of flexible hours for either of you so you can spend time together and each have a bit of a break?
Good luck going forward,before you know it she will be at nursery to give you a few hours respite.🌈

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 09:55

@Moonshine11 shes about to go 10 months. Usually I work 3am till 1pm at least 5 days a week. Sometimes 6. Then my partner does 3pm till 1 am. Again at least 5 days a week. We literally swap the baby over. We had savings and everything ready for the baby to arrive but then covid hit. We cannot afford to put her into nursery. I do like the idea of looking into groups and things and booking a holiday day a month

OP posts:
MilduraS · 08/06/2021 10:00

I don't have kids but I book a day off every month for no reason other than to have something to look forward to. With travel looking unlikely I've booked off several long weekends this year. My luck with the weather had been terrible but it's still given me much needed downtime.

Sirzy · 08/06/2021 10:03

As a one off it’s not unreasonable but you need to look at things long term because your current plan isn’t sustainable. Sounds like your both working towards a burn out at the moment

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 10:05

@Sirzy I know and I can see it happening but we have to earn. Covid really screwed us both over. All kicked off when I was 5 months pregnant so really depleted our baby fund.

OP posts:
Moonshine11 · 08/06/2021 10:10

When do you sleep op?!
What about a childminder? Even just 2 days a week will give you a break and able to work normal hours in the day.
The hours that you are both working aren’t healthy.
Understand you have no help but you are both going to hit a brick wall.

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 10:19

@Moonshine11 I have a nap when baby goes down in the afternoon and try and get her down for bed at 8. Then get a few hours. And repeat. Only been doing this 4 weeks and it's definitely not going to be feasible but I dont know what to do. I'm so mentally exhausted. Are childminders expensive? The local nursery was way out of our budget. Plus we couldn't guarantee the hours we needed. Our work shifts change so much. The days I mean. Not the hours. I came.home yesterday..partner was off and I just cried. I couldn't face going in today. I gave them 9 hours notice. I know I'll be the bad guy and I hate myself for it. I dont know what to do

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 08/06/2021 10:30

That sounds a punishing schedule for you both to keep to. Can you start making plans to move towards non shift work? Or plans to move where you have a support network? I appreciate it's not easy right now.
I wouldn't spend the day feeling bad about phoning in sick. Depending on what you do it might not have been safe for you to work of you're mentally rundown.

Moonshine11 · 08/06/2021 10:42

I’m not sure on pricing but I know they are cheaper than nurseries. It is deffo worth asking some local to you for some information.
Even just couple of half days I think would make a massive difference to you if the price is reasonable.
I honestly don’t blame you for ringing in today, your schedule is very hard.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/06/2021 11:15

That's a crazy set-up. You need some childcare. Even a day or two. Even with debts I can't fathom how two people can work 50 hours a week and have no money for any childcare at all. I'd prioritise it to save your MH. Get some help or this just isn't sustainable. Those free hours a long way off yet.

Original poster
wiggleshasmylife · 08/06/2021 11:17

Yeah we are both on minimum wage jobs. I work in a very popular fast food place and my husband is a bartender in a busy pub. So both low paying. Going to look at some childminders

OP posts:
VeganCheesePlease · 08/06/2021 11:24

OP that sounds full on and I'm not surprised you needed a break. My advice is take the time you need now. Be upfront in that if you need a few days, take them. It will be much more difficult for you taking days here and there.
I definitely agree that some sort of childcare would be very helpful for now, just to take the load off a bit. You matter and looking after you health, physical and mental is is important.

BlueDucky · 08/06/2021 11:26

I would start by booking in holiday when you go back. So that you know you have that day/half shift off once a week for a bit. Can you reduce your hours at all? I know you said money is a big issue right now but your current setup doesn't sound sustainable for your mental health. Is it possible for one of you to look into à higher wage job with even a slight reduction ìn hours?

CurbsideProphet · 08/06/2021 11:41

@wiggleshasmylife if you're McDs or similar could you look into transferring to a branch close to family / friends so you would have some local support?

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 08/06/2021 11:49

That sucks. Call workingfamilies.org or citizens advice who can advise in employment rights & in work benefits. You maybe able to get some help with costs. You can take 4 weeks unpaid Parental Leave each year - employers cannot refuse it. Look it up, also you are human, give yourself a break. You may need to reduce your hours / days for a year, see how it goes. Employers are usually very sympathetic and may well be more understanding than you think. There is also an Instagram page Pregnant than screwed who are currently trying to force a debate in parliament on this subject.

Sirzy · 08/06/2021 11:55

Have you made sure you are getting all UC and the likes that your entitled to?

You need to make sure you have a work life balance as tough as it is. Good luck

ikeepseeingit · 08/06/2021 11:56

This sounds like a difficult situation OP. I would have done the same. I’m going to be honest, if you’re working in a fast food restaurant no one cares if you’ve taken the day off, there is always someone they can call to cover for you, and with that much notice it would have been easy. Please take your day off, stop looking at mumsnet you don’t need our validation, it’s okay. Go and relax as much as you can x

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