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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you have a sibling with ASD

148 replies

Aroundthelight · 07/06/2021 20:10

If you have a sibling with ASD, have any of your own children been diagnosed with ASD?

Was reading the results of this study www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/autism-risk-estimated-3-5-children-whose-parents-have-sibling-autism and interested to know other people's experiences.

I have a sibling with ASD and have two small children, neither have any ASD symptoms.

OP posts:
HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 07/06/2021 22:34

Yes. My brother and DS.

Fromwhenceshecame · 07/06/2021 22:42

I don’t believe the rate is that low. My family is rife with it, although only 1 diagnosed before dc generation. There is no doubt the genetic link is significant.

I have many many traits, as do my brothers, and one has quite clearly got adhd. None of us were diagnosed as it wasn’t done for those on the spectrum who passed more easily.

Both my kids have asd. 2 of my brother’s do. Another has adhd. Another 2 also fall into the traits category.

DH has similar in his family. It feels like it was almost inevitable for our dc.

Covidworries · 07/06/2021 22:46

My side one sibling Autistic, one NT with a ND child, i suspect i am ND. Both children suspected ND. In almost certain my mother is ND
Other half suspects ND himself too. His eldest diagnosed ND several of his cousins diagnosed too.
I think the genetic link is higher than quoted in the study and i think the ND population is much much higher than known due to so many undiagnosed

overwork · 07/06/2021 22:52

Thanks for the article, and your stories, it's interesting reading. My partners brother is severely effected by autism, unfortunately his life isn't 'normal' in any sense. I don't know a great deal about the condition but I'm fairly sure my partner is NT. He really wants children and I'm on the fence (whole other story!) but I've had to admit to him that this is a serious concern of mine. I just don't think that we could cope with what his parents went through and still go through ensuring his brothers extensive needs are met and that he gets the appropriate care. Lots to think about here.

crackofdoom · 07/06/2021 22:58

I am autistic and so is my niece (both diagnoses of Aspergers). I watch my sons carefully and they both have “traits”, although I don’t think enough for a diagnosis.

Eskarina1 · 07/06/2021 23:09

My sibling is autistic, as are several members of my dad's family. It's much closer to 50% of the last 3 generations than 3.5%. My DC are very similar in some of their traits to my sibling, father and niece but as pp said, not enough for diagnosis.

cherryboos · 07/06/2021 23:16

I think it's a shame Asperger's has been removed as a diagnostic term now. It describes my uncle perfectly, although never at all diagnosed. Very clever, very knowledgeable and kind. Kindest person ever. But completely lacks social skills in the sense that he really doesn't want to be around people, spends almost all time in his room - Absolutely happy that way. He's the most chilled and content man. Lacks eye contact. Not great at conversation queues and can be a bit rude sometimes unintentionally as he can be blunt.

I myself have quite a few traits but you'd never really know... until you do really get to know me. Then the mask will sometimes slip a little here and there. I'm a sucker for routine and can't stand certain sounds. Very absorbed in something I'm interested in, and have to remind myself someone might not want to actually hear it!

My son is severely autistic. I use that word because I don't think autism alone describes just how challenging and disabled he really is. No words, no real understanding of basic instruction or speech. No social skills. Repetitive behaviours. Can't toilet train him. He was diagnosed before 3. I've often thought it's something more than just autism but that's what it is. He's clearly very disabled and I don't know if I could do this again with a second DC. It's just so damn hard

wejammin · 07/06/2021 23:18

My sister is diagnosed as autistic (Asperger's diagnosis). My DS1 is diagnosed Autistic/PDA. DD1 is undiagnosed but so very like my sister that I would not be surprised in future if she is diagnosed - she is only 6 and we are keeping an eye on it and employing relevant parenting strategies. My Dad is undiagnosed and would deny it to the death but he is so like my DS1 in behaviour and my mum (a learning disability social worker) really does think he is also autistic.
I have some significant traits but not enough to be diagnosed.

EmpressSuiko · 07/06/2021 23:20

I have ASD, both my children have ASD (all diagnosed).
I strongly suspect my mother and grandfather have ASD as they both tick all the boxes!

legotruck · 07/06/2021 23:27

Interesting article.

I'm autistic and so are 2 of my DC. The other DC and I have spoken at length about the possibility of any of her children being autistic, to the point where she is already considering she may not have any Sad

FloraFauna27 · 07/06/2021 23:43

@NannyAndJohn

DB has it.

Was worried for my DC but thankfully they've turned out ok.

Turned out ok? That’s a really shit choice of words.

My sister has an ASD diagnosis. My DD shows no signs.
My sister has also ‘turned out ok’ in spite of her ASD.

cherryboos · 08/06/2021 05:42

@FloraFauna27 I don't think it's a shit choice of words. ASD can be really awful. It is for my son. How can a person that can't communicate, can't speak and can't go to the toilet or be taught to not be considered awful?

My own DS hasn't 'turned out okay' at all

FedNlanders · 08/06/2021 07:17

I used to think Autism was not going to have a huge effect on my son, but he is now nearly 17 and its evident he will never leave home :( which is pretty heartbreaking.

floofyhens · 08/06/2021 07:40

So many posts following this diagram here

If you have a sibling with ASD
cherryboos · 08/06/2021 08:42

@floofyhens

So many posts following this diagram here

I have studied the social and medical model. However, sometimes the medical model just seems to fit perfectly sometimes, not in everything usually but...

Some people with autism are impacted by autism to such an extent that they are profoundly disabled. My son certainly is.

Aroundthelight · 08/06/2021 08:57

@floofyhens

So many posts following this diagram here
@floofyhens I completely agree. However, knowing how limited and difficult (by their own definitions) my sibling's life is, and how depressed they are, I cannot help but not the want the same for my own children. Equally, seeing the ongoing impact supporting and caring for my sibling has on my parents, I selfishly don't want the same for my own parenthood.

This is obviously not to say that people with ASD cannot have fulfilling and happy lives. It just isn't the case for my own sibling.

OP posts:
TurquoiseLemur · 08/06/2021 09:26

@baldafrique

It's an interesting concept that NT siblings could be carriers of ASD genes despite not having it themselves
More than a concept. A reality.
baldafrique · 08/06/2021 09:44

@TurquoiseLemur
It's really interesting. I am NT but my DB and DF have ASD and I'm fully expecting my son to have ASD too.

RickiTarr · 08/06/2021 11:30

[quote baldafrique]@TurquoiseLemur
It's really interesting. I am NT but my DB and DF have ASD and I'm fully expecting my son to have ASD too.[/quote]
Maybe this doesn’t apply to you. Maybe you’re just in a very male-heavy family and happen to be NT.

However, it’s not unusual for the men and boys in a autism-prone family to be diagnosed first, and women and girls to be diagnosed later.

KeflavikAirport · 08/06/2021 11:47

Sibling, parent, nephew, multiple aunts and uncles. No signs in my own children.

Taliskerskye · 08/06/2021 11:59

Sister brother father uncle. I’m NT. I’m not going to have children and neither are my db and dsis
The lack of diagnosis in the older generation and stories of great uncles etc. Makes me think it’s been a never ending line in my family. And I have to say none of them are or have been happy. My dsis has attempted suicide several times.

So the line stops here I guess. I genuinely don’t think I could handle what my mother has had to go through

elliejjtiny · 08/06/2021 12:13

DH has ASD but neither of his brother's dc do.

theresarugonmyfloor · 08/06/2021 12:22

My DD1 has autism, she was diagnosed at 3 (now 5).

I am about to start the process of assessment for myself. Because she is identical to me as a child. And since I've found out about her autism so many things make sense to me. I've been on a few courses since and find myself nodding along thinking 'I do/feel/think that too!'. I look round and see DH nodding at me too.

Looking at our families, I think I can see it in older relatives on both sides actually. DH certainly has traits also. We're ok our thirties.

I am co convinced it's a primarily genetic thing.

We have no cousins yet, mine are the only children of their generation but it will be interesting to see in years to come. No one in my family has learning difficulties or other health difficulties, we all seem to be on the 'high functioning' area of the spectrum. Social difficulties with various sensory issues.

I would bet my savings on the fact that there are so many parents, mothers especially, who get diagnosed or realise that they are autistic when their child is diagnosed, like me.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/06/2021 12:22

DS and a paternal cousin have diagnoses (Asperger's type presentation). I suspect both BiLs are undiagnosed, they all have similar personalities/ interests/ traits across a range of traits.

DM suspects DB might. Again, very similar personality/ traits to DS.

I don't think I have autism but I suspect that I am ND with dyspraxia and/ or ADD. DS has dyspraxia diagnosed, but I suspected long before that.

It wouldn't surprise me if my father was ND.

The lack of recognition and diagnosis in females will make it harder to trace down female lines.

floofyhens · 08/06/2021 13:01

The issue isn't the disability.

Autistic people are autistic from conception. They have never ever been neurotypical, that version of them has only ever existed in their parents' minds. The adjustment to coping with that is the bit that hurts parents the most.

The issue is that support services are so sparse that they have to be fought for. They're underfunded by a government that don't give a shit about disabled people - they just want rich people to get richer. The issue is that not enough people understand autism, and how it affects people, so society is set up to fail them. The issue is people misunderstanding neurodisability, treating it as if it is an illness and trying to fix it.