AIBU to be annoyed at him splashing out on lunch for new employees?

[DogCatMouseCheese]

Hi all,

We’ve been smashed over COVID and my partners business hasn’t had any income at all.

When he started the business 4 years ago it hasn’t made a profit yet to take any meaningful cash out.

I’ve been supporting the family financially - it looks like their business might be able to grow and start making cash and taking an income.

He has taken on 3 freelancers for a day or two a week - still hasn’t been able to take a single penny out of the business but last week he took them all for a slap up lunch at Daylesford about an hour away from us.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like he should be paying some cash to the family (we’re racking up massive thousands of debt) before treating his freelancers - not even fully employed?

At what point does it become controlling saying what he should do with his cash?

He didn’t even bring back anything fancy from their shop 😂

I don't think one lunch bill will make much difference if the business hasn't made any profit in four years. And generally team bonding is a nice thing to do with new colleagues. I hear ya though.

Totally get what you’re saying.

It’s more symbolic than anything else - we’re paying the food bill for his daughter on credit cards each month because there isn’t a single penny to come out but suddenly there’s cash for this.

I think a debt management / IVA / bankruptcy might be on the cards soon. ☹️

I think if a business hasn’t made money in four years and you are looking at an IVA or bankruptcy then paying for one meal for four people is the least of your concerns.

It sounds like it's time for him to become someone else's employee again.

Fair point!

I can definitely see how this is a kick in the teeth considering the business isn't making any money.

It may be nice thing to do but it isn't a must do.

He seems to have strange priorities.

YANBU - but I also think you have bigger problems if an IVA or bankruptcy could be on the cards.

Why is he still plugging away at a business that hasn't made any money for 4 years?!?

I'd be furious if his own daughter's food is having to be bought on credit while he spends the businesses money on a fancy meal.

My EX used to do things like this, one example never pay his half of bills (which were 50% when he earned more), lend money from me which was never paid back, then take a girl in his office for lunch as she was sad 🤦‍♀️

I think you need to force hi to pull the plug on it.

I am self employed and am lucky to still be going.

Maybe make a spread sheet (I know, the infamous MN spreadhseet) of all household outgoings over the last 4 years.

Include his business outgoings, he should have tax returns, you can take his bottom line, his losses as your figure.

Ask him to tell you how he intends to balance the family books beofre or after his insolvency hits.

He HAS to see the reality of his 'business' - 4 years is way too long to leave his head in the sand.

I totally get you but hopefully it's a one off that he thought would be good for increasing bonding and confidence in the business ergo retention, rather than burying his head in the sand and playing the big man.

How come he hasn't made any profit in 4 years, last year notwithstanding, was this expected?

If his business can’t make a profit after 4 years you may well be right that he shouldn’t be taking freelancers out for an expensive meal. That sounds a bit like he may be running it more like a hobby that boosts his ego than a skilled attempt to make money. Nevertheless, I think it’s unreasonable to try and manage his business for him unless he’s asked you for advise.

What would not be at all unreasonable is to tell him he has to find another form of employment if he’s been adding nothing to the household for 4 years.

You're focusing on the deckchairs while the boat is sinking. He's driving you and your children to bankruptcy and you're annoyed about one lunch?

Time for him to stop the vanity project and get a job.

I’d be more annoyed he’s keen to play the big man and has no idea of finances or how to manage a business, the slap up lunch wasn’t necessary.

Do they have a works Christmas do once a year?

Just thinking about frequency.

I think the DH is using this lunch occasion as a back-to-work incentive. Remember there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Think the bigger question is why is he still FT at a business that isn’t working? Do you really believe it’s about to change - why? If you don’t, I think a come to Jesus conversation where the plug is pulled is in order. In a more mild case (not making money for a year) you might say get a part time job, and run it alongside, but after 4 years it’s not likely to work?

If you have got into massive debt, the reality is you aren’t able to earn enough to support the family, so this really cannot continue. Better you two take the lead on this and organise IVS and frozen payments etc than let the lenders come to you.

There are some good charities in this area, so contact CAB tomorrow to get a referral.

If you really think it can work then you must set a limit eg 6 months tops - but only if you REALLY do.

I’m guessing he is the boss in your relationship in terms of finances and big decisions so it may be really hard to call him on this - so please get organisation and friend/family support if you can.

Thanks everyone, appreciate your inputs.

So much to think about

Do you honestly think this business can make money?
Why wasn’t it doing so pre-Covid?
How are the freelancers being paid?

So he’s not even making enough money to pay himself a salary?! If that’s the case 4 years in, he has bigger problems than a single lunch.