Tinder match

[Leonardo87]

Hey guys - you will have read my previous post about awful situation end of last year with a Tinder match.

I worked on my self esteem and boundaries and have given it another shot.

I matched with a guy in April and we have been on seven dates since then with loads of texts in between. He came to mines on Saturday and I really did not want to have sex or be intimitate until we defined what we are looking for.

Essentially I brought it up last night - I just asked what his intentions are - is he looking for casual or relationship? He said 'he enjoys spending time with me but not sure what things would be like after a year, we just need to wait and see'. I explained my reason for asking was that I would not want to have sex casually so it was important for me he knew I was not looking for casual. I felt his response was a bit disappointing but at least he was honest.

I am 34 this week and really want my own family and to settle down.

Is this one a dud and do I move on?
I am just paranoid about 35-36/M on Tinder being after only one thing - and I am proud I have done nothing but smooches and cuddles so far.

I am just looking for confirmation he is not wasting my time and playing me.

The problem is there is no good answer when someone puts it that way. If DP had put pressure on me to lay out my intentions after 7 dates, I would have felt really put out. At this point, you should enjoy spending time together, getting to know each other etc. If anyone intimated I may be wasting their time, I'd run a mile. You're putting a lot of pressure on a fairly new relationship. And what if he does say he wants a future with you but 6 months down the line he decides things aren't working? Will that mean he's wasted your time? This is dating, you take this risk with any new person. And my concern for you is that you don't seem to be enjoying your time on these dates as you're too focused on intentions, the future, abstaining from sex etc. You've only got one life, don't waste it worrying so much.

Tinder isn’t just for hook ups I met my boyfriend on there and we didn’t have sex for a couple of months!

It may be the men you go for though and agree with therapy

No one can give you a solid gold guarantee anything will work out what you want to hear from someone is that they want to give it a go and see if it does work out. That’s all anyone can do?

@Mamamamasaurus

I haven't seen your PP but AFAIK, Tinder IS for sex - I've never known anyone who ended up in a longterm relationship off the back of a Tinder match. I'm not saying it doesn't happen though.

Have you considered OLD instead?

Definitely does happen, I met my husband on tinder 7 years ago 🤦‍♀️

You sound rather... intense. You're basically asking him to make a promise/commitment to you after seven dates and using sex as a way to get him to tell you what you want to hear. (I cannot stress enough that it is entirely, absolutely up to you who you sleep with and when and what rules you have surrounding that.)
If someone I was enjoying multiple dates with but hadn't slept with yet was asking me to basically guarantee a relationship with them then I'd find that really off-putting. Relationships fail/fizzle out for all manner of reasons and everyone is entitled to change their mind at any time. Maybe it's the way you've worded it but it sounds like you're quite hung up on the no sex before commitment thing and make quite a big deal of it. Don't have sex with him if you don't want to but I find it odd that you criticise him for not bringing the future up before now so you 'had to'. Why didn't you make it very clear right at the beginning as it's so important to you?

There are some good guys on tinder. Met my partner on tinder 2 years ago. Getting married in August. He’s fab.

@Darnley

There are some good guys on tinder. Met my partner on tinder 2 years ago. Getting married in August. He’s fab.

that's adorable i met my ex on pof and my current partner on faceparty.

I think a lot of people go on Tinder looking for a shag. Sometimes they meet someone and find they want more.

Just the same as when men and women go to a bar or a club.

My friend met her partner on Tinder. He was married and left his wife within weeks. Poor children!

Met my partner on Bumble. Neither of us really knew what we wanted at first but 6 months later and he's moved in. It happens 🤷‍♀️