Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance

20 replies

Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 08:05

I am newly single we have 6 children 3 of which I am financial responsible for , I get 70£ a week from my ex husband .
My question is it's getting to that time of year where school uniform cost will need to happen .
Would I be unreasonable to ask ex to pay half the cost , ( especially as this year I have a bus pass to find money for )

Just for back ground I don't earn much roughly 1400£ a month .

The spilt was because of domestic abuse .

I am worried that asking him will make him kick off ( only yesterday he was querying if he was paying to much maintenance )

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 07/06/2021 08:07

Maintenance is in my view for basic day to day living. Uniform, trips, birthdays, Xmas, holidays.. all extra. Not unreasonable for you to ask for a share of uniform costs

HandfulofDust · 07/06/2021 08:08

Obviously it would be a totally reasonable request, given that he's abusive though I have no idea how hell respond to it.

I know you've probably already thought of this but have you sought out second hand uniform via the school or Facebook groups?

Good luck op and we'll done for getting away from abuse.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 07/06/2021 08:10

YWNBU to ask but he doesn't have to pay anything on top of maintenance. Did you go through the CMS? Or at least use the CMS calculator to make sure he is paying the correct amount?

JustLyra · 07/06/2021 08:12

Are you getting your maintenance through CMS so you know it’s accurate?

Sadly, whilst many decent NRP’s realise that uniform and the likes is expensive so chip in, there is actually no legal obligation to pay anything over the maintenance so he doesn’t have to give you anything.

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 08:51

Is he financially responsible for the other 3? Do they live with him? If so then I think as he would be paying for the uniform for those 3 then you are already sharing uniform costs 50/50?

You can ask but as long as he pays the required maintenance he will probably say no.

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 08:53

Ah just thought maybe the other 3 are adults now and that's why you aren't responsible financially for them. Either way, if he is paying the amount CMS says then he probably won't pay you another penny but you can always ask.

Original poster
Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 09:53

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo He did the calculator based on what he thinks he earns a week , I worked his hourly right out and that would tech mean he's paying slightly under but only by 3£

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 09:55

What he thinks he earns... have you seen proof of that?

Original poster
Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 09:56

@BlueDucky the other 3 children are 18,20 and 24 so are responsible for them self.

I am already struggling even more so as he's now decided he won't be having the kids when I work ( I do lates so now I am having to pay for child care cost .

I realise he'll probably say no but I have this guilty feeling for just having to ask .

I will have a look at second hand school clothes with the ptfa at the school and on Facebook .

OP posts:
Original poster
Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 10:13

@LittleOwl153 no I haven't , I never knew what he earned when he as here either in the 25 years we were together I paid for everything except rent, and the 80£ grocery's he would give me .

Prime example would be he would watch me cry and panic about affording things for the children ( birthdays ,Xmas ) and still not help.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 10:32

@Idiotathome79 Get thy self onto the CMS he is almost certainly hiding what he earns from you. You can get them to do the caluclation for him to pay or ask them to collect directly - but get them to calculate. Changing when he has the kids is a prime reason/excuse to do this.

LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 10:34

And can you rope the older kids into looking after the younger ones when you work late? If you are keeping them housed too it would certainly seem fair for them to chip in?

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/06/2021 10:36

Go through CMS

£70 a week for 3 kids is pitiful.

Original poster
Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 10:39

@LittleOwl153

I maybe able to the older two live else where ,
one works as a mental Health nurse so her shift is all over the place ,
The one that stays home doesn't finish his job til 8 pm .

My friend thinks he's doing it to make me fail , ( I asked him to leave , with the help
Of the college and social services )

OP posts:
JustLyra · 07/06/2021 10:41

Go through CMS.

If you left because of DV and have social work access ask them if there are any uniform banks they can refer you to locally.

Thehop · 07/06/2021 10:42

Please go to CMS. Unless he earns much less than you, this payment is far too low. Do you know what job he does?

LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 11:09

@Idiotathome79
I agree with your friend. Don't let him win. You can do this.
Get yourself on to the CMS!

LittleOwl153 · 07/06/2021 11:17

You say you had help from the college to separate - can the college help you with childcare/funds for childcare? Keep talking to them.

Original poster
Idiotathome79 · 07/06/2021 11:19

I have just opened a child maintenance case .

It's the old college she's starting a new college in September and the list of stuff she needs is huge including a logo boiler suit and boots , ! I will ring the new college though as have a chat to the pastoral team .

OP posts:
JustLyra · 07/06/2021 12:29

Also if you haven’t before then consider speaking to Women’s Aid. They can point you in the direction of help available in your area

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread