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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Contact with the children

34 replies

Feelletdown76 · 06/06/2021 22:29

AUBU to think this is wrong. my ex wife moved our children over 250 miles away and refuses to drive them even part way to visit me. She receives 2k a month, doesn’t work and has a large home courtesy of the U.K. legal system. I live with family and work 60h a week. I have driven 1k miles this weekend to see my kids

OP posts:
Strictly1 · 07/06/2021 06:35

@DeathStare

If she lives 250 miles away why did you drive 1000 miles this weekend? 250 there and 250 back is 500 miles.
He would then need to return the children making it 1000 miles.
worrybutterfly · 07/06/2021 06:36

@DeathStare

If she lives 250 miles away why did you drive 1000 miles this weekend? 250 there and 250 back is 500 miles.
250miles x 4 = 1000 miles

If OP has them overnight where are they meant to stay if they doesn't drive the 250 miles back home after picking them up.

Fitforforty · 07/06/2021 06:38

I’m wondering why you drove 1k for a 500 mile round trip?

How old are the children? It’s possible to take legal steps to ask the court to stop her moving but that time has passed now.

How much do you have to live on per week? Her 2k a month means nothing without a comparison.

Fitforforty · 07/06/2021 06:39

@worrybutterfly then he should look at staying over night in Travel lodge or similiar. It would he cheaper and less tiring.

LittleRa · 07/06/2021 06:40

@Fitforforty

I’m wondering why you drove 1k for a 500 mile round trip?

How old are the children? It’s possible to take legal steps to ask the court to stop her moving but that time has passed now.

How much do you have to live on per week? Her 2k a month means nothing without a comparison.

500 mile round trip twice = there and back to collect them, then there and back to return them.
thepinkstuff · 07/06/2021 07:18

OK
How much do you earn?
How much is maintainance?
Where do children sleep when with you?
Could you move nearer?
Does she work?
Do you have time off to collect children?

YesIveChangedMyName · 07/06/2021 07:27

@Strictly1 @worrybutterfly

My mistake. I assumed he stayed over near them. A 250 mile trip is probably 4 to 5 hours - I'm not sure I'd put the children through that twice in two/three days.

Feelletdown76 · 07/06/2021 07:40

I had to drive there and back on Thursday to get kids and bring back to my sisters and the same trip yesterday. I cannot afford 3 nights in hotels or air bnb so had no choice

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 07/06/2021 08:22

@Feelletdown76

When we split I got a rented flat but had to give that up and move in with my sister. Let Me be clear here, no abuse of any kind to anyone. She moved back closer to her parents but she wanted a big house and said she couldn’t get one newer where we lived. Looks like I need to approach court again.
This is my point about lack of detail.

You say you had to give up the flat and move in with your sister - which implies that you couldn’t afford to house yourself and therefore the financial order was unfair.

BUT this was two years later. How come you could afford to rent a flat at the point of the divorce but not 2 years later?

And now, when you have received your 25% equity, in the last year. Of course, perhaps there wasn’t much equity, so the absolute £cash amount was small. In which case, highlighting her 75% would be as well.

I definitely think there could be an unfair issue with her moving away. But as I said upthread, I’ve never seen a court ordered settlement where the NRP (almost always the father) was paying so much SM that he couldn’t house himself. (Think working at CAB, though it wasn’t that, don’t want to put myself!)

But going back to the moving away... I’ve also seen women move away because they desperately need help with children for the hard part - not weekends, but balancing childcare and work, doing everything in the week where it’s on a timescale (school) and costly (childcare) and they need family support because the father won’t do anything. So I’m reserving judgment on that, though my personal opinion is that parents should do everything possible to stay local to each other.

I still find your financial order... unusual, and lacking in detail.

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