It was a friends big birthday recently, and I was genuinely happy for her. Lots of FB posts about how much her family, specifically her mum, love her and how precious she is, photos of her as a baby, toddler etc - just as it should be, because she is, and I am genuinely happy for her.
My own childhood was not good. My mum didn't love me, in fact she was very abusive, in all definitions of that word. Never told me she loved me, constantly
told me the opposite in fact, was never proud of me. There are no photos of me as a baby or a toddler that I have ever seen. No special birthdays celebrated. You get the picture.
I've had decades of depression, months of therapy, and I have fought hard and dragged myself out of the spiral her treatment put me in. And I am probably as happy as I will ever be, and as sane or adjusted.
But, seeing just how much my friend is loved by her mum (and she should be, and I would genuinely wish that for everyone) has reinforced to me, and reminded me just how much I wasn't. Which has resurfaced some feelings that I thought I had dealt with. I suspect this is pretty normal for people who have been through what I have, but I am shocked and disappointed in myself still. Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?
I haven't told anyone that I feel this way, and I never would. I would not hurt someone like that.