PLEASE help with breastfed baby!!!

[Schrutesbeets]

8mo has been breastfed and bed shared since day one.
I am really ready to stop now. Have tried everything - bottle, sippy cup, normal cup. He will NOT take formula of any sort, as soon as it touches his lips he spits it out. He cannot cope without me for more than 2 hours. Today I went out with friends for lunch for the first time since the first lockdown and when I got home he was screaming and DH said he had been v upset for hours but he hadn't wanted to disturb me as it was my first time to myself in almost 15 months.
He starts nursery in 7 weeks and I got back to work in 10. I have no idea what to do?! How do I get him to take some formula, as milk is still meant to account for the majority of his nutrients till he's 1. I have tried expressing but I get almost no milk from it for some reason.
Also because he's so attached, I haven't managed to get him to sleep in his cot which I'd also like to address.
Where do I even start? Shall I aim for the bottle first, then the cot or other way round? I don't want to cause too much distress but I'm also aware we have a time limit to work with and I want the freedom of going out before my mat leave is over.
I feel completely overwhelmed by it all! Please please help someone!!!

I haven't got much advice but some solidarity as mine was very similar. She started Nursery at 11 months and that definitely helped get some space from her. I expressed for a month then switched to cow's milk at nursery. She doesn't take much but will have it when she wants it.

Hey Schrutesbeets - am sure someone with peer support experience will be along soon but in the meantime I thought I’d send a quick response. My eldest also ebf, started nursery at 10 months and as we had no family nearby the only person they had been left with before was DH. DH found it hard initially when I wasn’t there as no form of bottle was acceptable and I struggled to express much anyway. However, that did improve the more we tried it and the more that food (carrot crisps!) got interesting 😆 It didn’t stop me going out for a few hours and gradually it all got easier. From 10 months I expressed at work (3 days a week) but it was rarely drunk the next day at nursery and we ended up shifting to bigger feeds at night (at least initially). As soon as we got to 12 months I stopped expressing as it was pointless as cows milk was now ok and it wasn’t making any difference to my supply! I co-slept from first wake-up as that got me the best sleep possible, but sleeping is still not one of my eldest’s strengths and we’re 7 years on... so I can’t help with that bit I’m afraid.

Try a cup with a straw or one of those lunch box style bottles with a spout

At 8 months he can be left without milk - lots of snacks and water is fine. By 10 months, he will be fine all day at nursery without milk - he can have yoghurt/porridge, then have milk when he sees you after work. As for naps, nursery will solve that problem too - they find magical ways to get babies to sleep that have never slept on their own in a cot. Don't go making life hard for yourself now when there's no reason too :)

At 8 months I presume your DS is now having other foods quite regularly? Our 2nd DD was the same, flat refused all bottles/cups etc, but I had to go back to work... I would suggest you start to gradually phase out doing feeds during your working hours even when you are home now, so that you can both adjust to the new routine over coming weeks.

My advice is not to stress, just feed before you go to work, make sure he has access to plenty of 'wet' foods e.g. cereals with milk, melon, soup, yogurts and that the cup/bottle is available in case he wants it (but would not pressurise it as will just become a battle). He will soon be able to hold a cup/beaker/bottle himself if he can't already. Then be ready to bf when you get home!

Our DD finally relented and took a bottle in the end but only after I had been back at work for about a month.

There are pages on Facebook where you can get free breastmilk donated to you - a lot of women have an oversupply and so many women choose to use formula that they're actually struggling to get rid of it. Will he take breast milk from a bottle? Formula just doesn't suit some babies.

In my experience (3 EBF, bedsharing babies), there is a world of difference between 8 months and 10 months so don't panic about the nursery & returning to work situation. At 8 months they are usually still largely milk feeders with a bit of solids thrown in. By 10 months they generally get a lot more intake from solid food and have developed enough motor skills to use a sippy cup - you may be able to bypass the bottle.

At 10 months it doesn't matter much if your baby takes very little milk at nursery, he'll make up for it in the evenings/early mornings (assuming you're still happy to BF then). This will be controversial but from 10.5 months or so I let mine have cow's milk as an occasional drink e.g. offered along with a snack at nursery. They were still mostly BFed then and I couldn't be bothered with getting them to accept formula or faff around expressing (DC1 and 2 rejected the lovingly expressed and transported EBM taken to nursery. I didn't bother even trying with DC3).

In terms of bedsharing I personally found 9 mo a bit of a watershed when I'd just had enough of them there with me all night feeding as and when. They also became too mobile by then - too much climbing on me and too much risk of falling out of bed. So I moved them to a cotbed at 9 mo - though I was prepared to climb into it myself to feed them to sleep. Then on subsequent wakeups sent DH in for at least the early part of the night to decrease the all night snack bar offer. Sleep definitely improved almost straightaway with this at least for DC2 and DC3, DC1 was a sleep refusing nightmare till 12 mo.

In short, I'm not surprised you're at that point where you've had enough. But your DS will change enormously in another month or 2 and you'll have more options for introducing alternative feeding and sleeping approaches.

Can you express and leave a bottle for DH to give?

Generally I found that when things needed to change, they just did!

At 10 months he will be fine without milk for a few hours so don't panic about that. I would tackle one thing at a time- don't try to wean and put him in a cot all at once, choose which one will benefit you more and focus on that first. I dont have any practical advice as my 2.5yo is still breastfeeding and gets in my bed every night without fail but thats through choice rather than necessity- you will 100% be able to make the changes you want, just be consistent and don't put yourself under too much pressure

Personally I'd work on the cot before the feeding, but that's because I can't stand bed sharing so only did it very occasionally, and both of my bottle refusers have been fine in full-time nursery from ten months. With both of mine I fed to sleep, then settled further on my shoulder and then into the cot once deeply asleep.

Personally if go for the cot first as I found all three of mine slept for longer once they were out of our room and sleep was my priority!

I think that you need to just persevere. You can persevere with expressing. You may find your supply increases if he does have a longer night time sleep in his cot. Always express first thing in the morning anyway. You could also try a sippy cup. My dd2 never took a bottle went straight to a sippy cup although I still breastfed her it was just for expressed milk. She wouldn't take any kind of bottle, I tried so many and spent a lot trying.

Those I know who have sent their babies to nursery in similar situations have found that the babies had a few unsettled days and then just adjusted so try not to worry. In a baby's life a lot can change in 7 weeks anyway.

Both of mine were mixed feed, bottle before bed so would sleep a bit longer (until bastard teething kicked in).

Have you tried different formula? They used to make bottles for single feeds.

Try to get DH to do the bedtime while you disappear to the other room.

My youngest one wouldn't drink formula or have a bottle, they eventually accepted full fat cows milk or water from a cup with a straw.
They are 12 now and still funny about drinks.

What method of expressing have you tried OP? I use a hakkaa pump on the opposite breast to which my LO is feeding, which gave me much better results than when I used an electric pump as the breastfeeding triggered a let down.

Does he take expressed milk from a bottle or does he just completely reject bottles?

Both mine were ebf. My first wouldn't take a bottle. My second I was given the advice to use a very cheap standard bottle with a fast flow teat as they get the milk fast and they go with it. I bought 3 cheapo bottles from Tesco with the quickest flow teats and low and behold it worked. My DD was about the same age. She had breast milk expressed to start with them had cows milk after that.

Might be worth a try with formula? My oldest wouldn't take a bottle. He went to nursery at 11 months and he didn't have any milk. He was fine, made up for it when he got home!

Honestly I don’t know - could you call the nursery for advice? They’ve surely seen this before.

Speak to the nursery about it, I am sure this won't be the first time they have experienced it. My bottle refuser would take a sippy cup by that age, so didn't miss out. But I know a couple of milk refusers that were fine on water at nursery at that age. Mine both fed to sleep well past 1, but at nursery would go down fine in cot, key worker arms or push chair. Always made me work for it though!

I'd start focusing on building up his solids. At 8MO, my babies were both on 3 meals a day and only having two bottles of formula. Reducing milk consumption will help with the other issues.

my boy only took expressed milk and then cows milk from a Nuby soft spouted cup like this...

https://groceries.asda.com/product/dinner-time/nuby-trainer-sipeez-no-spill-easy-grip-beaker-6-m/910002105649?&cmpid=ppcghsgooglegle----dskwid-s927000624604550777dm&skwcid=AL!11432!3!459891151407!!!g!1234039606554!&dssrl=1254319&gclid=Cj0KCQjwweyFBhDvARIsAA67M714R9SUT6YkwvC-YSMlzNKhdwbcrCkLkdPu2-0hOOrMjSi7bNvweEaAsO2EALwwwcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also he's never taken anything that's not boobs from me, we stopped co sleeping around 7m and stopped feeding to sleep at about a year. Hes 17m now and has breastfeed with story time and my husband gives him a cuddle and sings him a song and pops him in his cot awake , he chatters for a bit and goes to sleep usually around 730 and wakes between 7-8am.
Hold on my lovely, he will be grand!

We are in day five of no boob. He is an embarrassing 2 years and 9 months. Same story - absolutely refused any formula or bottle. Expressing was not something my boobs could do. I went back to work when he was one. Built up solids. Skipped bottles (after trying a million) and got a Tommy tippee tilted cup (can't remember the name). Offered water at each meal and failing that made ice pops..Water intake sorted. Go with the bed situation first and establish a routine where boob is done away from his and your bed. E.g. boob and story on sofa/ side chair then Dad do bed. I hate cry it out so whoever is doing bedtime snuggles with him... Boob morning and evening gives a nice bond but doesn't break YOU. When dad does bedtime for the first week or so - leave the house and dad can text you when he is asleep. No reports on how upset he may or may not have been (tell him to fake it and tell you how wonderful a bedtime it was). Do something during this time for you which will keep you occupied). Tell Dad that even if he is screaming blue murder he is totally ok and NOT TO TELL YOU.. you are all establishing a slightly bigger world for baby (especially with relationships) that is healthy and important. Baby may be angry to begin with but it won't harm him. My boy is very emotionally stable, very happy away from me and has strong bonds with a small amount of people. I NEVER planned to BF this long. First was 4 months. I wouldn't change it but I am so excited to have my body back to myself. Remind yourself how awesome you are. Hand this one over the Dad for the next couple of weeks and work your own way through the adjustment (it will be as strange for you as for baby!). Once bed is sorted then the the don't offer don't refuse and distract method is powerful! You've all got this- and it will lead to a healthy and happy next stage for you all!

Thanks so much for all of the fantastic and supportive replies. You've all honestly given me a sense of hope that I feel I've been missing the last few weeks.
I will try to implement a new bedtime routine and get DS in to a cot, and then will start with the milk / bottle situation.
I'm sure a lot will change over the next 2 months as you say, but it's just so hard to imagine when you're in the midst of it, isn't it!

Your husband sounds great. If you are happy to try expressing again, there are lots of different ways, including by hand, and your boobs can do it - it's just getting the technique right. Your health visitor will help, and there are lots of videos too.

@DRGT was it a Doidy cup?