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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel irritated about this sleepover?

23 replies

Whynotnowbaby · 05/06/2021 22:01

I live abroad and we are luckily restriction free atm. Yesterday evening dd’s (age 8) friend came over after school for dinner and sleepover, her sister (one year older, dd is almost exactly between their ages but not very close friends with sister) came over too unexpectedly. The two sisters started arguing and it turned out to be about the fact that sis wanted to stay for sleepover but the original invitee didn’t want her to. I stepped in and said we didn’t have space for another sleepover but we could arrange something another day. Sis went home in a strop (they only live across the road).

Half an hour later I received a text from their mum asking if sis could come too, saying she was very upset to have been excluded. I reluctantly agreed, and the three girls seemed to get on ok.

At bedtime I had to go and remind them several times to go to sleep and dd told me the uninvited guest (ug) was throwing things at them. Eventually they went to sleep but at 12.10 ug appeared in my room and woke me and dh up telling us she was hungry (she had eaten a full dinner and had fruit later). We told her there was no food to be had now and she needed to sleep, ten minutes later she reappeared and said she wanted to go home. We ended up texting her mum and her dad walked over to fetch her. Her sister didn’t seem at all surprised in the morning and said this has happened before.

I saw dad this morning and asked if she was ok and he said she was. AIBU to think it would have been nice for him to apologise for the inconvenience of us having to get up and send her home in the middle of the night? Or was I being mean and should I have given her more food so she could settle in bed.

OP posts:
Nonmaquillee · 05/06/2021 22:03

I hate sleepovers - whether having kids here or kids going elsewhere. The next day is wiped out thanks to grumpiness.

inmyslippers · 05/06/2021 22:05

It would be the first and last time she stays

StoneofDestiny · 05/06/2021 22:07

Crikey - ignorant child and ignorant parents. No way would she set foot in my home again.

OhSayWhat · 05/06/2021 22:09

I would also be irritated but I think your mistake was in allowing the UG to stay in the first place. She wasn’t invited, you’d said no and sent her home, but then you changed your mind for no good reason.

Once you’d done that though I’d have given her food and walked her home. I hate sleepovers for this very reason but once you agree to them then you have to tolerate all the dramas that might go with it, including tired cranky kids the next day etc.

Howshouldibehave · 05/06/2021 22:10

You were being unreasonable in letting her round in the first place! She wasn’t invited for dinner and she wasn’t invited for a sleepover-I wouldn’t have let her in! I certainly wouldn’t have said yes when the mum text you-that’s bloody cheeky!

I feel sorry for your DD’s friend who clearly wants to have some time with her mates without her very irritating sister being there.

Blackdog19 · 05/06/2021 22:14

YAdefinitelyNBU

Aprilwasverywet · 05/06/2021 22:15

We only have sleepovers in secondary school.. Before that it is torturous childcare...

Blackdog19 · 05/06/2021 22:15

To be fair it sounds as if the mum is a complete pain in the ass. She should have managed her dd without asking you to have her too!

BrieAndChilli · 05/06/2021 22:17

At least now it means she won’t come for more sleepovers as you can say that the last time she wanted to go hone so not a good idea for her to stay again

Hankunamatata · 05/06/2021 22:18

I would have stuck by my guns and said no when mum text

Justinversusmrtumble · 05/06/2021 22:21

Oh god, I was so looking to sleepovers, to have a night on our own when Dd goes to one (no grandparents near us etc to help) and I felt quite excited to host a little sleepover for her at ours, but it sounds pretty awful!

Keepitcleanplease · 05/06/2021 22:21

I would have said 'sorry to hear she is upset at her sister being on a sleepover here when she isn't. I'll bring her sister home now.'

Justinversusmrtumble · 05/06/2021 22:21

*Looking forward

notthemum · 05/06/2021 22:33

@justinversusmrtumble.
Bless your heart. 😅🤣😂. Here have wine and flowers. 🍷 💐.
You will need them. 😉 👍.

Justinversusmrtumble · 05/06/2021 22:39

@notthemum 🤣 I imagined pizza, popcorn and films then a few giggles, then they sleep.. Is that not it 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s good when they stay at others though, right? I mean that’s dinner, a whole night away and back when, lunch?
24/7 with an almost 3 year old..this sounds like sheer heaven

RaspberryThief · 05/06/2021 22:59

YANBU and in your position I would 100% blame the parents for not helping the older DD to get over her disappointment when her younger sister is invited somewhere that she isn't. In your place I wouldn't feel able to invite your DD's friend again as the mother clearly isn't on board with allowing her to have friendships without older sister being included every time, so it just means everyone misses out. They are allowing their older DD to become that kid that no parent wants to invite because it isn't worth the hassle, which isn't fair on her either.

stackemhigh · 05/06/2021 23:28

YANBU but you should have stuck to your guns and said no to the sister staying.

MazDazzle · 05/06/2021 23:56

The mother is a CF!

My DD is having a sleepover tonight! She’s 10. I can confirm it’s shite. Wish I’d said no!

Whynotnowbaby · 06/06/2021 00:16

I completely agree with those saying I should have stuck to my guns and said no. I felt put on the spot and we are kind of friends with the parents (mainly due to us both being expats rather than any deep connection) so it felt awkward to say no. I will be avoiding future sleepovers with either girl now and to be fair I think dd was embarrassed and annoyed by the whole situation too. It’s a shame though as the younger girl is lovely!

OP posts:
notthemum · 06/06/2021 01:46

Sorry I fell asleep, but I love this thread. 🤣😉
@Justinversusmrtumble.
I have a dd and when she was nearly 12 I fostered her friend for about eighteen months.
It was a very 'interesting' experience. Best wishes

user1473878824 · 06/06/2021 01:48

“Ignorant child”, seriously?!?! A child being an annoyance but that’s kind of their thing.

junebirthdaygirl · 06/06/2021 04:16

Sounds like the older girl may have a few issues and maybe that's why her dm asked for her to come. She may be the type of child who could have difficulties making friends and her dm feels sorry for her.
If any child in my house said they were hungry l would give them a small snack as they are away from home and possibly a bit out of sorts. A few times my dc came home from play dates saying they were hungry eg going straight from school and not eating until dinner at 6. They were distressed when they got home .
She is only a child. Some are easier to manage than others.

thing47 · 06/06/2021 11:15

I will be avoiding future sleepovers with either girl now

Don't deprive your DD of a friendship she values, just tell the other mother that the older sister isn't invited. If you want to, you can always soften the blow a bit by saying something like 'I think on this occasion it would be nice if it were just the two of them'. Which sort of leaves the situation fluid for the future without committing you to anything.

If the parents aren't going to allow their DDs to have separate friends, well good luck with that, they are storing up a lot of problems for themselves in the future.

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