What surname to use after second divorce

[locko55]

A close friend of mine is going through her second divorce, when she divorced her first DH she kept her married name so she could have the same surname as her two DC. Fast forward to when she marries her second DH and she takes his surname, she has no DC from her second marriage.

Am posting just to get other peoples opinion on what they would do regarding their surname in my friends situation. Friend is leaning towards keeping her current married name.

For a bit of background she has been married to her DH for 6 years, she married her first DH in her late 20's and they were married for around 8 years then she married her second DH around 3 years after her divorce.

In that situation, I would either return to my maiden name or revert to the same name as children. The one I would be least likely to do, is keep second husband’s surname. I don’t think how long she was married to either of them has any relevance.

Maiden name.

It saves so much hassle if you never change your name. I went back to my maiden name after my divorce and kept it when I remarried.

Agree with @aprilx

I would be inclined to return to either maiden name or same name as DC (first husband's name)

If I ever split with DH I'd select a completely new name, like from my ancestral line for example. My maiden name is ugly, I wouldn't go back to that.

This is when name changing becomes a bit ridiculous. You take first husband's name, then divorce, meet someone else and feel you have to change your name again as why would you keep husband no.1's name? Then you divorce husband no.2 and you're three surnames down the line and not sure which name feels right.

If I were her I'd go back to my birth name.

But if I were her I'd never have changed it in the first place.

(And no it's not 'just your father's name anyway, and no doing this doesn't mean there'll be generations of kids with a 6 times barreled surname)

Pick a brand new one if you want to. I hated my maiden name tbh. Would never go back to that. Too many bad memories.

Birth name or a completely new one.

I'd pick a brand new name. Maybe from her mother's side. I know someone who did this.

@Serpenta

This is when name changing becomes a bit ridiculous. You take first husband's name, then divorce, meet someone else and feel you have to change your name again as why would you keep husband no.1's name? Then you divorce husband no.2 and you're three surnames down the line and not sure which name feels right.

If I were her I'd go back to my birth name.

But if I were her I'd never have changed it in the first place.

(And no it's not 'just your father's name anyway, and no doing this doesn't mean there'll be generations of kids with a 6 times barreled surname)

Correct.

What feels comfortable. There aren't any rules. You can change later, the paperwork is tedious

Maiden name! Never had the same surname as my kids, never needed too though, also school mums can find me on social media

*cant

when she divorced her first DH she kept her married name so she could have the same surname as her two DC

Yet she no longer cared about that when she remarried?

Whatever name she likes most would be the sensible solution?

She can pick whatever she likes most. Its actually something good for women I think because nowadays keeping your maiden name, a divorced name, a married name or any combination of the above are all commonplace. You can just pick the one you like most. A man born with a "bad" or "funny" surname has to go to the trouble of deed poll if he wants another name (obviously a woman does too if she doesnt get married, and a man can take a womans name but it's not as commonplace hed spend his life explaining that he had done that).

The two options she is considering are keeping her current surname and returning to her maiden name. Friend has said that if she marries again in the future she would take her new DH's surname so doesn't know if she wants to go through the process of changing back to her maiden name if it's possible that in the future she would be changing her name again.

I know she doesn't have to change her surname if she marries but friend has said that she would always change her surname to that of her DH.

Your friend is starting to sound like Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez Versini/Cheryl-like-Madonna-or-Cher OP. How exhausting.

Friend has said that if she marries again in the future she would take her new DH's surname

She sounds a bit of a saddo. Imagine your identity depending completely on whichever man you'd hooked your wagon to.

I suggest she reverts to her maiden name and doesn't bother getting married again.

Or just stick with the name she's using. And not bother getting married again.

Maybe she needs to stop thinking about marriage #3? 🙄

It wasn’t that important to keep her children’s name, was it?

Honestly, if she tried to draw me into this I’d be very noncommital, say pick the one you like best, and change the subject.

Or... be awkward and insist that the very best option is the one she’s ruled out - the name of her children. Cos it was so important to her. Until another man came along 🙄

I just could not be arsed with wasting conversation time on it with her!

(Me: married twice, always kept my maiden name, give zero shits that my kids have their dad’s name, which they have because it’s a lovely name)

@Serpenta

This is when name changing becomes a bit ridiculous. You take first husband's name, then divorce, meet someone else and feel you have to change your name again as why would you keep husband no.1's name? Then you divorce husband no.2 and you're three surnames down the line and not sure which name feels right.

If I were her I'd go back to my birth name.

But if I were her I'd never have changed it in the first place.

(And no it's not 'just your father's name anyway, and no doing this doesn't mean there'll be generations of kids with a 6 times barreled surname)

What this woman said 🙌🏻