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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How Much Towards Holiday?

61 replies

ChangChang · 05/06/2021 15:40

DS13 has been invited away for a week with his best friend & his family.
They won’t accept any money towards the holiday as they’ve booked 6-berth accommodation regardless, but I shall insist on contributing towards food & spends. How much would you offer?

OP posts:
IMNOTSHOUTING · 05/06/2021 16:35

It's so hard to judge OP. I would definitely send him with some money to spend. Even in a self catered challet lots of families would still be going out to eat where as some will just do their normal shopping and cook every night. If they're having meals out at nice places and doing lots of extra activities DS's share could easily come to £30-£50 a day, if not more if they're just doing a supermarket shop and doing included activities or free days out DS won't add too much to the cost.

Either way I would definitely send a nice gift to the parents to thank them.

FiveGs · 05/06/2021 16:36

@CheeseCrackersAndWine

£50 per day!!! Crikey, I’d rather put that towards a family holiday. My 12 year old has been invited away for a week with family friends & I was planning to give them £100 plus the cost of her entry to any days out if there are any which I don’t think there is...

If I had invited a child away with us I’d not ask if i wanted/expected payment but would accept a small sum to cover some food, ice-creams etc so likelihood is they aren’t expecting much if anything so don’t stretch yourself to give ludicrous amounts x

Perhaps I'm way out then Blush

I had parents who were so tight it was embarrassing so over-compensate.

FinallyHere · 05/06/2021 16:36

Having said that, the really important contribution is to have taught reasonable good manners so that the child is a pleasure to include on the holiday.

BackforGood · 05/06/2021 16:43

Am I the only one wondering what all these £13 yr olds are spending £100 on at a week in a caravan site with a pool as part of the facilities ? Confused

Ours used to come home with change at that age if their Grandparents gave them a fiver.

We would get the icecreams, and there wasn't really other spending - unless they wanted some sweets of something. What are people expecting a 13 yr old to spend £100 (in some suggestions, more) on ? Confused

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/06/2021 16:43

@gingercat02

I would put £200 extra in his bank account and tell him to treat them to ice cream/coffee and cake/etc once or twice and then take them for a sensibly priced meal on the last night to say thank you (and give the parents a heads up on this)
Wow, you must have very socially confident 13 year olds or there's something wrong with my childen

No way would they have been mature enough to navigate the buying of ice creams for someone else's family in that situation or cakes (do 13 year boys even eat cakes?)

Take them out for a meal Shock , MN is so far removed from my world it amazes my sometimes.

ovensoff · 05/06/2021 16:43

It depends so much on how much money this family is likely to spend. If they do not want anything, I would give my DS spending money. But I would talk to the other family first about how much will they need. It puts pressure on the other family if you give DS way more money than they are budgeting for. It is better if all the DCs have about the same.
Then I would send a small box of treats as a thank you. So wine for the adults, some chocolates, etc.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 05/06/2021 16:45

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair Agree I think most 13 year olds would be really awkward about it. They just don't have the practise at saying 'this one's on me' and quickly paying.

I think the money in an envelope for a nice meal out is perfect.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/06/2021 16:47

@CheeseCrackersAndWine

£50 per day!!! Crikey, I’d rather put that towards a family holiday. My 12 year old has been invited away for a week with family friends & I was planning to give them £100 plus the cost of her entry to any days out if there are any which I don’t think there is...

If I had invited a child away with us I’d not ask if i wanted/expected payment but would accept a small sum to cover some food, ice-creams etc so likelihood is they aren’t expecting much if anything so don’t stretch yourself to give ludicrous amounts x

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who thinks some posts on this thread are crazy

How could you even spend that amount in one day never mind on every day Shock

It would spoil my holiday if I took a friend who could clearly outspent my budget for me and my children and I wouldn't be taking them again.

NeedNewKnees · 05/06/2021 16:48

We've taken an extra teen on holiday - we didn't want any money towards food as it is as easy to feed 6 as 5. In fact the other family did us a favour as youngest wasn't bored because her friend was there.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/06/2021 16:49

[quote IMNOTSHOUTING]@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair Agree I think most 13 year olds would be really awkward about it. They just don't have the practise at saying 'this one's on me' and quickly paying.

I think the money in an envelope for a nice meal out is perfect.[/quote]
I'm imagining a Little Lord Fauntleroy type child, taking charge of the bill at the restaurant Grin

blahblahblah321 · 05/06/2021 16:52

I would give him up to £100 for spending money and also enough to treat the whole family to a meal out.

Solasum · 05/06/2021 16:53

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair do 13 year old boys NOT eat cake?! This is a hitherto unexpected horror of teenage years to dread. My DS and I bond regularly over cakes and bakeries

HandfulofDust · 05/06/2021 16:53

I agree that it's fair to offer a contribution towards accomodation and travel (which you have done) and beyond that just give a nice gift (money in an envelope for a meal out is perfect).

If I invited another child on holiday I'd want them to be our guest and wouldn't expect them to pay for their own toast in the morning. Even if we planned to eat out alot I wouldn't expect the other family to cover the cost because it would be my decisions to go to a particular restaurant with particular price range.

gingercat02 · 05/06/2021 17:15

If he's with people he knows yes absolutely he would pay for ice creams and yes he would live on cake given the choice! He's nearly 13 and would be capable of all of that. He uses his card for lots of things already

mobear · 05/06/2021 17:18

I would probably give him £100 and send them a nice bunch of flowers when he returns to say thank you. It may be even if you give him £100 they won't accept it or let him pay for anything anyway (in which case, maybe add a bottle of champagne to the flowers!).

LivingLaVidaCovid · 05/06/2021 17:21

£50 per day.

TokyoSushi · 05/06/2021 17:22

I'm not entirely sure what to suggest but I'd just be wary of the £100 spends. If DS turns up with £100 to do as he pleases with and is flashing the cash while the other boy doesn't have the same than that might be awkward.

I'm not sure what the right answer is although I agree that you should offer something!

FrumpyBetty · 05/06/2021 17:29

£50 for food plus £5 a day for DC (I'd personally find out how much the other kids will be given a day and match that).

Aprilwasverywet · 05/06/2021 17:29

Maybe suggest your dc takes cash to spend on himself +friend?
We took ds's mate to Portugal.. No offer of contributions - fair enough. He took wads of cash and flaunted his sweets in front of my dc. Once made a huge deal of ds owing him 1 euro..
In actual fact him and ds were so bloody awful the first week we sent them home on a plane!! Took 3 months for his dm to pay me for his flight...

Puffinhead · 05/06/2021 17:30

@Shitfuckcommaetc

Also it depends what you can afford. I know I couldn't just drop 200-300£ on something like this!
Exactly this. My daughter has been invited away with her friends family this summer - her going hasn’t increased the accommodation cost so we won’t be contributing towards this. Just as well as there’s no way I could afford £50 per day and she certainly wouldn’t even eat £20 worth of food at most.
rookiemere · 05/06/2021 17:44

I'd check what activities are planned - we're bringing a pal to Whitby for DS and we'll take them to Flamingo Land and the Water park at Scarborough and maybe hire mountain bikes for the day.
I'd give them £100 for food and meals out, but then check about excursions - maybe an extra £50 for that.

To be honest though we invited a pal for DS as company for him as it makes our holiday much better so even if we got nothing I wouldn't mind at all.

Frenchfancy · 05/06/2021 18:18

Some of these posts are mad. I would be horrified if I invited a child on holiday and they turned up with £200 in cash as spending money. I would feel like I needed to give my Dd the same (she gets £20 for the week). I would offer to pay for a meal out. That would be enough, and £20 in the pocket as spending.

AmyandPhilipfan · 05/06/2021 18:53

With regards to where they could spend it, as a pp asked, if in a caravan site most kids could easily spend loads in the on site arcade if there is one.

Aprilx · 05/06/2021 19:03

@SamMil

Around £200 sounds reasonable to go towards food etc?

Then £100 or so spending money?

A 13 year old isn’t going to eat £200 of food in a week! 😀
shouldistop · 05/06/2021 19:08

@Aprilx if they're eating out then he will.

When we go self catering we always eat lunch and dinners out.

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